


A not-so-quiet life

by twdeadfanfic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Low Self-Esteem, Slow Burn, mentions of abuse, self-deprecating thoughts, violence and language twd style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-08-24 01:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16629968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdeadfanfic/pseuds/twdeadfanfic
Summary: Summary: You could say your life at the Greene’s farm after they took you in was a quiet one… as quiet as it could be considering corpses were walking around as flesh-eating monsters. At least, until a group of survivors in need take shelter in the farm.Inspired by the request: The reader used to have an emotionally and physically abusive ex and the group runs into her ex and his group and shit hits the fan and the reader gets hurt.Tags/Warnings: Violence and language typical twd style. Mentions of abuse and quite a lot of self-deprecating thoughts…and in the midst of all that, quite a lot of fluff too and also slow burn.Updated weekly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: Welcome to my new TWD Daryl/Reader series! I hope you will enjoy it! It was inspired by a request, which somehow I turned into this series.
> 
> English’s not my first language so maybe there’re some mistakes, I apologize in advance.

This was not how you had expected your day to be

You thought you would take care of the hens, help Patricia on the kitchen while she made lunch, try to ignore how Otis put dead people into the barn, and just help around in the farm until it was time to rest.

Your life wasn’t bad, considering the fact that there were corpses roaming around eating people. You had gotten lucky for once, you supposed, being taken in by the Greene’s. There weren’t monsters in there, and the ones that got too close were taken and locked inside the barn.

You took good care of never calling them monsters or corpses in front of Hershel, though, not after he snapped at you the first time you did, urging him to kill one that had gotten into the farm. It had almost ended with Hershel kicking you out of his land, though Maggie had convinced him otherwise, and you had learned that Hershel considered those monsters not dead people but sick people who needed treatment and needed to be taken care of.

You, on the other hand, couldn’t see it like that…you had seen what they had done to the town…

+++

You all had watched the news through the tv, how some kind of virus had spread through quite a few cities, creating murder and chaos, but most people were shrugging it off as something that “happened in the cities, some disease they got there, not here”,  and some also saying how the news were exaggerating or making it up, though you didn’t know with what purpose.

Your husband, Dan, thought like that. You had watched the news with your heart in your throat, scared and worried, but when you had told him, asking him if you should be doing something, getting ready in case the virus reached the town, he had just told you it was almost cute how dumb you were believing everything you saw on tv. Apparently, it was all a number to manipulate you into something, he didn’t elaborate, getting tired of your questions and telling you to shut up. You did.

You’d have thought that for a town as small as that, in which nothing ever happened, it’d have started slowly if it started at all…but no. At one moment everything was normal, then everything was a nightmarish, bloody chaos.

You worked as a waitress and had been horrified to witness how an ill-looking man began beating the windows of the small restaurant. When your boss had gone out to drag him away, the man had thrown himself at him and you couldn’t believe it when you saw him bitting his face off.

Everyone began screaming but a woman had the strong nerves and common sense to close and lock the door so the murderer couldn’t get in. You were frozen in place, horrified, at some point between throwing up and passing out, but you shook yourself into movement and called the police. The man didn’t seem interested in trying to get inside,though, he was…was he eating your boss? Oh god, you certainly were going to throw up. Was this what they had been talking about on the tv?

Perks of living in a small town, the police arrived quickly. When one of them tried to pull the man away from the now dead body of your boss, he bit him too, not letting him go no matter how much the policeman hit him. It took several shots to stop him.

Ambulances came too and some people who seemed quite in shock were taken to the hospital, while others just decided to go home, a couple volunteering to go to the police station to testify what had happened.

A police officer who already knew you offered to walk you home and you were about to decline, he didn’t get along with your husband and you knew there’d be trouble if your husband saw him walking you home. But you were still shaken and scared, so finally you accepted.

You did well. When you reached your street you saw one of your neighbors roaming the streets and she looked beyond sick, more dead than alive you’d dare to say. She began growling and stumbling towards you, ignoring the policeman’s warnings. He shot her but she didn’t stop, seeming to not even feel the bullets, only dropping dead when one hit her on his head.

“Ma’am, lock yourself at home.” The policeman told you once you reached your house. “Don’t get out.”

You nodded, scared. Through his walkie you could hear another officer calling for help, speaking about more gruesome murders.

“Dan? Dan, you here?”

You called, but he wasn’t home, probably he was still working. You tried calling to his mobile phone but he didn’t pick up. You tried calling your parents too, hoping your hometown hadn’t  been hit by whatever illness that was, but they didn’t pick up either.

It was hard not to cry, it was hard even to breathe, and you felt like you were having an anxiety attack but tried to overcome it. You heard some knocks on the door and you approached cautiously.

“Y/N? Y/N you here?” You heard the voice of one of your neighbors. “Y/N? Please, please open, please!”

As soon as you opened the door she rushed inside, crying.

“Frank he…he tried to attack me, he was all bloodied up but he came for me, wouldn’t stop…he bit me!” She cried out, disgruntled, showing you the horrifying looking wound. “Almost chewed my arm off…he’s still at home…”

“Anne, you…you gotta go to the hospital, you’re bleeding too much…” You tried to stay strong and not faint at the image of the bloodied wound.

“How, with all those people going insane out there…it’s, it’s the virus from the tv, right? They said it was contagious…oh god…”

It wasn’t being easy to keep calm with another person panicking next to you and you tried to take deep breaths, hoping to feel less light-headed.

“Okay…okay…I’ll call an ambulance then.”

The line was collapsed or down, though, and the same happened when you tried calling for the police.

“Anne, they’re not answering, we have to go to the hospital.” You tried again but your neighbor shook her head again, seeming too scared to do anything but flop onto the floor, hugging her knees and shaking.

You brought the first aid-kid and bandaged his wound as tight as possible, hoping it’d help slow the bleeding.

“Alright…then we stay here until the police come for us…okay?”

Anne was beyond answering though, she just shivered and sobbed.

That was the first time you saw someone die. Anne stopped breathing at some point and you didn’t know what to do anymore. You’d never been more terrified. Neither your husband nor your parents picked up the phone and the police and hospital were still out of reach.

You tried to get out of the house but ran back in when you saw someone or something eating a corpse. The head of the monster had snapped up when it noticed you and you had run back and locked yourself in.

And then, the most terrifying thing you’d ever endured happened when the corpse of Anne began moving, getting up and growling, making her way to you. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be possible. You were frozen in place in shock and fear and she almost reached you but you came back to your senses on time, running out of the house.

The monster from before wasn’t there, luckily, but you could see more of those things roaming around not too far and you sobbed helplessly, not knowing what to do, sure that you’d be the next one to be eaten.

But then you had heard hoofbeats approaching and totally dumbfounded you saw Maggie Greene riding a horse down the street. She stopped next to you.

“Maggie?” You stammered.

“Y/N?” She seemed just as surprised. “ Y/N, come on, hop in!” She urged. “There’s someone else around?”

“No, no…they’re all dead…or like that…” You pointed at the monsters that were approaching you slowly.

Maggie nodded and once you wrapped your arms around her waist, she took off again, the horse running fast and away from the monsters.

“Wait, wait!” You urged when you saw her making her way out of town. “I have to find  Dan, he’s not picking up the phone, must be at work.”

“What, no, no way! I’m not risking us for that major ass!” Maggie snapped…you knew she didn’t like your husband that much. “Why you even care?! Thought you’d have dumped him by now.”

“He’s my husband…” You replied weakly. “I…I’ll go by myself…”

Maggie growled in frustration. “Okay, fine, I’ll take you!”

But when you reached the place there were only more of those monsters making their way slowly to you and half eaten people dead on the floor.

“We gotta go.”

Maggie said and you could do nothing but bury your face on her back and sob while she took you both to his father’s farm.

“What…what’re you doing here?” You asked her, still sobbing. “Thought you were in uni…”

“Yeah, so much for my last year…saw the news on tv and saw some weird things there so I decided to come to check on my family, then wanted to see how the town was doing…didn’t expect to find this.”

The Greene’s took you in without any fuss. They already knew you. Your husband had worked for them for a short while a long time ago, back when Maggie was still in high-school, but Hershel and Dan had had some kind of disagreement, Dan never told you the details, and Hershel had fired him.

Still, they had been always nothing but kind to you, even if your husband didn’t approve of you still seeing them, which had cost you a few fights until your meetings with the Greene’s turned scarcer and scarcer.

Now they tended to you, took care of you while you were a sobbing mess for a whole week, barely getting out of bed or eating, almost never sleeping for fear of dreaming again with flesh-eating monsters.

You felt totally alone in the world.

Your parents were not picking up their phone and before the news stopped broadcasting it looked like their area had been affected too, so you could only expect the worse. Same with your husband, after what you had seen at his workplace, you could think that maybe, maybe he had run away…or maybe he’d been eaten or had turned into one of those things.

For once, you were grateful you didn’t really have friends, so you didn’t have to cry them too.

You’d met your husband back in your hometown when you were about to finish high school. He was older than you and totally charming, you’d been head over heels with him pretty soon. Your parents didn’t approve at all but back then it’d only made it more exciting.

In a few months, though, Dan’d been fired from his job and he’d told you he’d go back to his hometown and he’d asked you to marry him and go with him. You’d been so elated you cried of happiness. Your parents had cried for a very different reason.

You didn’t care what they said, though, neither what your friends said. Dan had told you they just didn’t understand and weren’t good friends after all, because they didn’t support you, and soon you’d been convinced he was right. And so you had left and married him back in his hometown.

You never really quite adapted, though. Whenever you thought you might be making a friend, Dan always told you things about them and their lives and how it was best to keep your distance since you were so stupid you couldn’t find someone who’d be a good friend, you were always picking the wrong people. For the most part, you agreed with him…the only time you disagreed it had ended up with a fight that you didn’t want to relive and since then, you just stopped trying to make friends.

For the first year of marriage, you hadn’t worked, you’d just stayed at home doing the housework, but since your husband was always jumping from job to job and money was tight, you had started working. It had cost you several fights with Dan and a split lip, but he knew you needed the money.

It hadn’t been easy to find a job and you hadn’t lasted that long in the first one, working as a cashier in a local, small store. Dan had claimed your boss was too nice with you because he wanted something with you and no matter how much you tried to reassure him it was not true, he wouldn’t change his mind. He had not only took it with you but he’d actually got to the store and got into a fight with your boss. You had been asked not to come back after that.

After that, you started going from small job to small job until you managed to find a more permanent one working as a waitress and you took good care not to talk too much with your boss or coworker. After having seen your boss being devoured by a monster, you guessed it was kind of good you hadn’t developed any kind of friendship with him.

Or with anyone…it seemed most of the people had been devoured or turned into monsters.

The Greene’s tried to help you, tried to make you feel better and keep you going, and although their farm seemed almost untouched by the chaos that was destroying the town, soon they had their loses too.

Maggie’s stepbrother was the first, he had been working on the fences around the farm, making sure they were alright, when he was bitten. Otis had been with him and managed to drag him back to the house. You told them what would happen, what you had seen with your neighbor, but they didn’t listen. When he woke up again, none could stop him before he bit his mother.

They had been the first walkers to be kept inside the barn.

Since them, friends and neighbors joined them, few strangers too as Otis found them roaming the woods.

You couldn’t understand Hershel’s point of view, not after seeing his stepson like that, but he wouldn’t change his mind, wouldn’t talk about it, and you weren’t eager to bring up the matter and risk being kicked out.

And so, months passed.

_+++++++_

“Y/N, come on, help me hold him down!”

No, this was not how you had expected your day to be.  It was quite a disruption from your sort of quiet, sort of deceivingly safe life…to say the least.

Certainly, you hadn’t expected Otis to show up with a couple of alive men, for a change, and a very injured little boy. Otis had shot him by accident while hunting and had brought them there, hoping Hershel could help him.

Hershel was a veterinarian, not a doctor, but it’d have to do…not like there were anyone else around who could help.

You were now helping hold the kid down on what had been your bed for months, while Hershel worked on it, his distraught parents watching. The other man had left with Otis to try and bring the supplies that Hershel needed to save the kid’s life.

In the end, the kid pulled through and he would recover…at the cost of Otis’ life, who had died helping bring the supplies back.

The rest of that family’s group had been allowed to stay in Hershel’s farm, settling down in their tents and cars at the outside of the house, until the kid were good enough to leave. You hadn’t talked much to them, but you didn’t think they’d want to leave…you were pretty sure the world outside that farm was still chaos and madness.

Besides, you were pretty sure Maggie was giving eyes to one of the guys…or at least, the guy was giving her heart eyes all the time. It was kind of cute, even in such a situation.

That little boy’s accident wasn’t the only tragedy the group had gone through recently, they had also lost a little girl in the woods around the farm, so they went looking for her daily.

“I mean…” You told once to Maggie. “I don’t know how they can think they’re gonna find her…she has no water, no food…she has probably been food herself…”

“Don’t say that…I know what it looks like but maybe she…dunno, maybe she’s…”

“Sick?”

You finished her sentenced, making reference to what Maggie’s father said about the monsters. You knew Maggie was doubtful about sharing her father’s beliefs, about those things being sick…but you also knew she didn’t consider them things. After all, it was mostly her family and friends who were inside that barn.

Maggie shot you a glare.

“I’m just saying…those monsters eat people, I told you, I saw it, and you’ve seen how they are…” You kept going. “And you know they roam the woods…if the little girl’s there…” You didn’t finish the sentence.

“Then pray she doesn’t find any.”

Later that day you regretted having talked like that when the group returned without once again having found the girl and you saw her mother crying. They kept going looking for her, day after day, though.

That’s how you ended up having to give up your bed again, right when the little boy Carl had left it, since one of those people ended up badly hurt, bad enough to need the bed. It wasn’t clear what had happened, but you caught sight of him and he was all battered and bruised, besides having had his head grazed by a bullet.

Seriously, those people were quite unlucky.

That night you dined well, some of the women from the group had helped Patricia cook. They were Lori, the mother of the little boy, and Carol, the mother of the missing little girl, and you thought they were nice…Hershel, though, didn’t seem thrilled at the idea of having them there cooking, or in his land any longer.

You knew he was worried about them making trouble, and honestly you weren’t one to trust strangers, but this kind of end of the world thing had you guessing that you alive people should be relying on each other more than you usually would.

Besides, you knew there was another bigger and more secret reason for which Hershel wanted them gone as soon as possible, and that was what was inside the barn. He had forbidden all of you from telling them, and you knew why. You had heard how those people talked about the monsters, which they called walkers, and they were way closer to your ideas than to Hershel’s.

Once dinner was done and everyone got ready to leave to their rooms or tents, you tried to sneak into your room without bothering the man who was in there, so you could get some of the clothes that the Greene’s sisters had lent you. He had seemed so out of himself when they brought him that you half expected him to be unconscious.

You thought he was, or at least asleep, he was lying on his side as if sleeping, his back to you. You could see that part of his shoulder, covered in scars. You wondered if it was from fighting the monsters, since now you knew his group had been out in the wild, so to speak, for months, without a house or anything to hide from the monsters but surviving anyway.

“What the hell?!” The man wasn’t asleep though, and when he heard your footsteps he turned to face you, tugging at the sheets to cover himself up to the chin and glaring at you. “What you doing?!”

“I…well…I needed some clothes…” You explained awkwardly. “This’s my room…well, it’s the guest’s room, but I’ve been staying in it for months, so…” You tailed off, the man still scowling. “Sorry, didn’t mean to bother you, just a sec…” Quickly, you opened one of the drawers, getting out the leggings and tank top you had come looking for.

On your way out you noticed a tray with an empty plate on the nightstand and you went to pick it up too. The man recoiled from you, shuffling to the other side of the bed, seeming startled and awkward, and frowning at you. You guessed that a life like the one those people had had out there made you distrustful…if you’d have to sleep knowing that monsters could attack you and rip through your tent at any moment, you’d be on edge all the time too.

You were about to leave but you turned to the man.

“You don’t have to be scared in here, we haven’t had many those things inside the farm and they won’t get into the house.”

You had meant it to reassure him but somehow it made the man just frown more.

“I ain’t scared!”

“Okay…” You knew you should leave him alone but you had never met someone who had been out there for so long…and with Hershel around, you couldn’t really talk about such things with those people. “Aren’t you scared of those…walkers?” You used the word you had heard from them.

The man still seemed awkward and as if wondering what the hell were you still doing there, and you weren’t sure if he was mad at you or not, with the way he was looking at you. He just shook his head.

“Really?” You couldn’t believe it, knowing how terrifying and dangerous those monsters were. But they had told you the man had gotten injured while looking for the little girl alone in the woods, so maybe he was really brave…or just reckless. “I mean, they not only kill people they eat them…I’m terrified thinking that-” You bit your lip before saying you were terrified of them breaking out of the barn, “thinking that they might get into the house somehow.”

The man said nothing and so you apologized again for having bothered him and you left.


	2. Chapter 2

When the group found out about the barn, it went even worse than you had expected.

You were working in the pen near the barn when you saw them gathering outside the barn’s door, trying to look inside without opening it as if they knew what was inside. They began to loudly argue and you decided to approach them, trying to calm the situation down before Hershel knew what was going on and kicked them out of his land, sending all them to a world of monsters, including who you think could potentially be Maggie’s boyfriend.

You regretted going to them pretty soon. When the tall, big man, Shane you thought was his name, spotted you he rushed to you with so much fire in his eyes, face red and angry, that you recoiled from him.

“You knew this?!” He yelled at you. “What the hell is this?! Are you all insane here?!”

You gaped at him like a fish out of water, the memory of another angry, yelling man springing into your mind.

“I…I…”

“You what?! What kind of people keep those things in their house?!” He yelled at you, getting in your face.

“Shane!”

Rick, Carl’s father, grabbed Shane’s arm and dragged him away from you but Shane pushed him away roughly, though the others stepped in the middle before they could start fighting, and finally Shane stormed away, the blond woman following him and calling his name as if trying to stop him.

You felt everyone’s eyes in you and you realized that you were shaking.

“I…I’m very sorry about this.” Rick apologized and you nodded but were unable to say anything and he turned towards his group. “I’m going to talk with Hershel about all this…don’t…don’t  do anything before I come back.”

You could have told him that there was no point talking to Hershel, that for him those monsters were his sick family, that they’d have to learn to live with it if they wanted to stay…but you still couldn’t find your voice.

You wanted to go back to the house, to your room, but you looked at the direction towards Shane had gone, not wanting to see him again, afraid he’d start shouting again and demanding explanations you couldn’t give.

“I’ll walk with you to the house, I wanted to talk with Patricia about a couple recipes,” Carol told you. She and the man with the shoulder scars were watching you, and you nodded.

“How can you live with those things there?” She asked you softly while you walked and you shrugged.

“Isn’t my call, I’m just a guest…but I have nightmares in which they break loose and eat me.”

“There’s…there’s a lot of them around?” Carol asked you and you knew she was thinking about her little girl lost in the woods surrounded by monsters.

“No, I don’t think so…I’m not sure…”

“My little girl…she’s out there…” Her voice broke and you bit your lip, wishing you had any comfort to offer, but you hadn’t. “Or maybe no…maybe she’s not out there anymore…maybe she…”

“Hey, you…you had a lead on where she is, right?” You cut her off awkwardly, not sure of what to say but not wanting to see her like that.

“Daryl found her doll.” Carol nodded, sniffing. So the man was called Daryl. “But Shane…Shane said that by now she’s dead.”

“Well, I don’t know Shane but I’d venture to say he’s an idiot.”

“He might be right, though, she’s been out there for days…” Carol shook her head helplessly while you stayed there awkwardly, unsure of what to do. She noticed and gave you a sad smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to vent to you…just…you looked scared and I wanted to tell you Shane might be an idiot sometimes but he won’t do anything to you.”

You couldn’t believe it even if you wanted, and you knew that you could never trust that Shane man, but you nodded politely anyway before saying your goodbyes.

*****

The situation with the barn finished even worse than you could have imagined, as Shane seemed to go insane and opened the barn, freeing the monsters.

“We have to do something!” You told Maggie but she was frozen in place just like her father, watching as the corpses of their family walked out of the barn. “We have to run, they’ll kill us!”

Before the monsters could get close, though, Shane and the others began shooting at them, corpse after corpse dropping to the ground. You were relieved though you felt like a monster by feeling like that when you saw the faces of the Greene’s at the slaughter of what they still believed to be their family.

You thought it had ended but there was another one walking out the barn and you gasped in surprise and horror…you had never seen a kid one. It was even worse, though…she was Carol’s daughter and you watched as the woman tried to run to her, but Daryl stopped her and her heartbroken sobs mixed with Beth’s while she looked for the body of her mother.

Like you had needed more fuel for your nightmares.

After that, everything happened fast. Your quiet life was gone.

Beth had fainted, seemingly having some kind of nervous breakdown, while Hershel had disappeared, off to town maybe, Rick and Glenn (who might or might not be Maggie’s boyfriend) offering to go looking for him.

Animals still needed to be tended to, though, no matter what kind of nightmare was going on around them, so you were working in the hen house. You were pretty shaken, though, and any little noise startled you. You wanted to go back to the house as soon as possible, and in your haste, you didn’t close the door properly…which you didn’t realize until you saw one of the chickens, Dorea, running away, already almost reaching the other side of the yard. You cursed at her, that chicken was a feisty one and was always trying to run away.

“If you think the world outside that pen is better, you are up for a big surprise!” You yelled at her as you followed her.

You had almost reached her when you heard a whistle and an arrow embedded itself into the ground near the chicken. You looked around, startled, and saw Daryl wielding a crossbow.

“Hey! She’s an ass of a chicken but she’s not for eating!” You picked up the startled chicken but she pecked your hand, making you drop her to the ground again. “You know what, screw that, we’re having her for dinner.”

Despite your threat, you took off your plaid shirt and threw it on top of the chicken, which made her stop moving.

Now that that problem was solved you began to feel embarrassed about the whole situation and looked at Daryl, expecting him to laugh at you, but he was frowning at you. You looked around and noticed a tent pinched there and a small fire in front of it…another look made you notice the dead squirrels hanged around, and you shivered.

“Why you have those dead animals there?” You asked but Daryl said nothing, just yanked the arrow off the ground. “And what’re you doing here instead of with the others?”

He finally looked at you, as if he didn’t know what you were doing there or why you were talking to him.

“Get the hell out of here!”

He snapped, startling you…you didn’t know what you had done wrong or why he was angry at you.

“Okay man, I just came here to retrieve an escaped chicken…”

He was still glaring at you as if you had done something to him but you tried to shrug it off…maybe he was just rude. Or maybe… You bit your lip.

You didn’t know him, didn’t really know any of his group much, but you knew how deeply affected they were by the loss of that little girl in such a horrible way. And you knew Daryl seemed to have been the one looking for her the hardest, so maybe he was affected and that’s why he had gone there alone and why he had been like that.

Maybe he needed the space.

“Alright, I’m leaving,” You said, softer this time. “Just…I…I’m really sorry about that little girl.”

You were genuine, you had meant it in the most innocent, comforting way, but Daryl didn’t seem to think like that and he was in your face in a second.

“You’re sorry?! You’re sorry?!” He yelled at you. “We looked for her for days…and he was dead here, in your barn!” You began to shake and you gasped for air, you wanted to move away from him but you felt frozen in place. “You knew it, didn’t you?! And you say you’re sorry?!”

He was in front of you, glaring at you, his face red with anger and you closed your eyes with a whimper, flinching and waiting for the blow. It didn’t come and you opened your eyes to find Daryl looking at you with wide eyes as he recoiled from you.

“I didn’t know…I didn’t know…I’m sorry…” You whimpered, tears rolling down your face, both of sadness and fear. “I’m sorry…please, I’m sorry…”

Daryl looked at you without saying anything, his anger seeming gone though he was still frowning, you didn’t know what he was thinking but at least he wasn’t yelling.

“Leave.”

You nodded, still shaking and sniffing. You grabbed the chicken roughly, it was easier now that she was covered with your shirt, and rushed away.

You were still shaking and crying quietly, sitting down on the stairs of the porch, when Carol approached you.

“Hey, sorry…you need something?”  You asked, rubbing at your eyes. Carol looked like she’d been crying too, eyes red and puffy. She said nothing but sat down next to you.

“I should have told you it wasn’t the best idea to talk with Daryl at this moment.” She said. “But I didn’t know you were going to.”

“Didn’t plan to, it was the fault of an idiotic chicken…” You shrugged. “He isn’t the most friendly, is he?”

Carol said nothing, just gave you a sad smile.

“I might have overreacted a bit tho…” You bit your lip, unsure. “But he looked like he was going to rip my head off.”

“No, Daryl’s not like that.”

“If you say so…”

“I know so.”

You weren’t that sure but there wasn’t much time to think about it or cry over it, as more drama seemed to happen with Lori driving away to try to find his husband. Shane brought her back, though, and she seemed safe enough…but there was no sight of Hershel, Glenn or Rick still.

Turned out maybe Carol was right. Next morning, while some people got ready to go looking for Rick, Glenn, and Hershel, Daryl approached you, stopping awkwardly slightly away from you.

“Hey…um…Y/N?” He didn’t look at you while he talked, eyes trained on the ground.

“Yeah…” You looked at him nervously but decided to let him say whatever he had come to say…if he was going to speak at all, for a moment he just kept shifting his weight awkwardly from foot to foot without really looking at you.

“I, erm…’m sorry…about yesterday…” He finally said. “Shouldn’t have yelled at you like that…so… yeah…sorry…”

With that, he turned around and made to walk away but he seemed to think it better and stopped.

“I wasn’t going to hit you or hurt you or nothing…” He said quietly without turning to look at you. “I…I wouldn’t do that…so…”

You could hear in his voice how awkward he was feeling. He didn’t say anything else and neither did you, you didn’t know why but suddenly you were feeling like crying. Without another word, he left to go join the others.

From then on, your days kept getting just more and more nightmarish.

Rick, Glenn, and Hershel were back, bringing captive a boy who belonged to a group of dangerous men, who probably wouldn’t do anything good to you and so you all were forced to decide what to do with him. Most people wanted him dead and honestly, how could they expect you to decide over something like that? Killing someone or not? You just couldn’t.

The day of the vote just kept getting more horrifying. That night, Dale, a member of Rick’s group, was attacked by one of the monsters that had managed to get inside the farm. You had watched in total horror how Daryl had sopped his suffering.

There was nothing you felt you could say to anyone in the group that could give them any comfort, everyone looked broken, especially the blonde woman, Andrea, and Glenn, Maggie’s boyfriend.

*

“Hey …how’s he doing?” You asked Maggie the next morning when she joined you in the kitchen for breakfast.

“As good as one can expect…” She shrugged. “He and Dale were pretty close, like family.”

“Yeah, I can see that…I know what your father thinks but Maggie, those things…”

“My father’s not always right.” Maggie cut you off, giving you a sad smile. “And now he knows…after the barn…I think it was a hard blow for him…but he’ll pull through.” She added when she saw your worried face.

“So…Glenn, he’s really your boyfriend, boyfriend?” You asked and couldn’t help a smile when Maggie blushed.

“I guess? I really like him…”

“That’s good…he seems nice.”

“He is.” Maggie’s smile was brighter now and you couldn’t help your own smile. “He’s really sweet…”

“Good…aw, I feel lonely!” You complained with a sad sigh.

“My father’s taking everybody inside the house, we saw it’s too dangerous to be outside,” Maggie explained. “We’ll be like thirteen people inside the house, don’t think you’ll get to feel lonely, sweetheart.”

“I meant…I don’t know even know where my husband is…” He might be dead, for all you knew.

“That’s something good out of this.”

“Maggie!”

“What?! Why’re you worried about him?!”

“He’s my husband! And I…I don’t really have anyone but him…”

“Thirteen people in the house, just reminding you. And you have us, my family’s your family, alright?”

You gave her a sad smile and nodded.

“Seriously Y/N…I always thought you’d dump him eventually…can’t believe you’re still blind…” Maggie shook her head in exasperation and you looked down, biting your lip, feeling a lump in your throat.

“I’m not blind…” You muttered.

You weren’t, you knew why she didn’t like your husband …you knew that you should have left him, that you shouldn’t be worried about him…but he was your husband, and he had been almost the only person in your life for so, so long…

You’d thought about leaving him a couple times before, but never had acted on it…you didn’t want to deal with the storm of fights that would come if you tried…and you loved him, didn’t you? You had loved him, for sure…but now it felt different. And at any rate, you had none else in that town, you didn’t really have friends, and you didn’t want to be a burden for any of your acquaintances and probably they wouldn’t want to help you anyway. Neither you wanted to come back to your parents, sure they’d be ashamed of you and sure that you’d be a burden for them.

So, you had done nothing, had stayed with your husband, had kept going with your life…and most times, that life wasn’t that bad…was it? And he was your husband, you loved him…didn’t you? You had to tell yourself that.

You jumped a bit, startled out of your thoughts, when Maggie reached out and squeezed your hand.

“Sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to upset you.” She told you softly.

“No, it’s okay…”

“You should have dumped him and come with me to uni.”

“Didn’t have the money to go.” You shrugged. “And I couldn’t just dump my husband…”

Your husband had also told you uni wasn’t for you and you’d always thought he was right, and even if you had wanted to go, you barely had enough money to pay rent, uni was out of plans.

Maggie let out a sigh.

“I remember when I first met you, your husband had started working on the farm and you came sometimes to help Annette around, Beth was a little girl…and I was such a brat back then, I was so angry at dad for not only marrying another woman but also having a kid with her, and I loved Beth but I was so jealous too…but you were nothing but kind to me, listened to me, talked to me, until I stopped being a headache for dad…”

“You missed your momma…” You said softly, feeling like crying a bit at the memories and missing your own mum.

“You helped me, Y/N…and I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking you looked so young, I thought you must be in high school too but dad told me you were Dan’s wife and I was so shocked.”

“I married young…”

“And we all saw how Dan was with you, how he spoke to you, how he treated you…and it was more than words, wasn’t it?” Maggie had been sounded melancholic while she talked, but now she was getting angry and you squirmed a bit. “And I couldn’t understand it, you were so lovely and so sweet, why you let him be like that to you? Why were you with someone like him? And you were so blind…”

You didn’t know what to say and so you said nothing, looking down as you tried not to cry.

“Dad couldn’t stand it so he confronted Dan about it…they had a big fight and Dan left.” Maggie kept explaining and you were surprised, Dan had told you Hershel had fired him. “We didn’t want to lose contact with you but you didn’t make it easy…”

“I’m sorry…” You whispered.

“Nah, it wasn’t your fault, I get it, just…” Maggie shrugged as if not sure of what to say. “I just wish you saw that Dan was a prick who doesn’t deserve your love or care…and that you’re better off  without him.”

You guessed Maggie’s words had some truth but you couldn’t really see it yet.

“And I wish you saw that you’re not alone and that you have us.”

“Thanks…” You sniffed a bit.

“It’s nothing…didn’t come here to vent or scold you, sorry…just wanted to have breakfast.” Maggie chuckled and you passed her a piece of toast. “Thanks…come on, let’s help everyone move in before one of those things eats my boyfriend.”

“Maggie!”

You chastised her for her dark joke and she gave you a small, tired smile, throwing an arm around your shoulders while you both walked outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about the chapter! I hope you liked to have a bit more of info about the reader’s past and her husband. What would you think of Daryl, with him snapping at Y/N, but then apologizing…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the previous chapter the barn was opened and you all know what was inside. In this chapter, the reader gets closer to walkers than she’s comforable with…

Rick, who seemed to have stepped up as a leader, laid out a plan to secure the farm so no more walkers could get in and you listened, wondering how you could help but not really coming up with anything.

“Hey!” The blonde woman, Andrea, approached you. “I and some of the others are gonna scout around the perimeter of the farm, see if there’s any walker close or any fence we might need to put up.” She explained. “It’d be really helpful to have someone who knows the land.”

“Oh, well, I haven’t been living here for that long…” You said awkwardly, you weren’t sure you’d be of much help. On one hand, you wanted to be helpful but in the other, you couldn’t really see yourself fighting those monsters, and you weren’t sure you knew the land that well.

“Alright, it’s okay, we…we can do it ourselves…” Andrea gave you a tense smile and you felt guilty.

“No, wait, I’ll help…we only have to follow the fences right?”

“Right! Let’s go!”

“Let me grab a rifle or something…” You weren’t really that experienced, the first time you had shot a rifle was actually just a  few days back when those people took you to target practice. And Andrea was so skillful at it that the idea of shooting next to her embarrassed you…but you couldn’t go face those monsters without a rifle.

“No, Rick said no guns, the sound attracts walkers, so only hand to hand weapons.”

“Then…I don’t think I can be of any help…” You bit your lip. You’d already been doubtful you could help with a rifle, you couldn’t even think about going hand to hand, the idea of having to get so close to those things terrified you and you’d be dead in five seconds. “I’m not…I don’t really have any experience with any weapon, sorry…” You looked down, ashamed.

“Hey, girl, it’s okay, none was born knowing everything…” Andrea gave your arm a reassuring pat. “Just show us around and we take care of the walkers, we don’t let them get close to you, alright?”

“Alright…” You were unsure but nodded, wanting to do something to help secure the farm.

“You should start thinking about learning, though…”

“Yeah…”

When Andrea and you joined the others you found that T-Dog and Daryl were going, and also Shane. You were still quite intimidated by Shane, even though he hadn’t yelled at you again, but he’d been scary when confronting Hershel about the barn and also when arguing with Rick about killing the boy who now you kept in the barn, so you were still nervous around him.

“You know, I…I think maybe it shouldn’t be me…” You began recoiling when you saw Shane. “Maggie…Maggie’d be better than me, at everything, yeah, so…”

“Hey, Y/N?” You hadn’t had time to leave before Shane approached you. “You helping us right?” He stopped in front of you, doing nothing threatening at all, but you were intimidated nonetheless and so you found yourself nodding coyly. “Come on, we gotta make this place safe.”

He passed you a broken pipe and you looked at it, your hands shaking a bit…you couldn’t see yourself fighting the monsters with it.

“Just for precaution,” Andrea said when she noticed. “But we’ll keep you safe.”

You had thought that there wouldn’t be any walkers around and you were dismayed to find not only there were quite a few around the perimeter but also some of them had gotten inside as the fences had fallen…it were pure luck you hadn’t been attacked before.

The group put walker after walker down, beating them with pipes and any other tools they had found around the farm and you couldn’t help yourself from flinching at the sound of the blows, as if it were some kind of reflex embedded deep in your mind.

It kept going like that for a while, as you secured the perimeter and put up any fences that had fallen down.

You grasped the pipe hard, shaking, your eyes closed, as you flinched after a particularly hard blow someone delivered, the skull of the walker smashing completely into a gore mess, blood splattering everywhere.

“Hey, Y/N, you okay?”

You opened your eyes and saw T-Dog looking at you with concern.

“Yeah, sorry, just…not used to all this…” You replied, finding yourself a little soft of breath.

T-Dog was still eyeing you as if not believing you were alright, but Shane called him to help him putting up a fence.

Daryl was frowning at you and you looked down, self-conscious. You looked up quickly, though, when you heard some rustle coming from behind some bushes, a walker approaching slowly. Daryl shot at it with his crossbow, hitting it right in the middle of the forehead. Another one showed up too but Daryl had enough time to reload the crossbow and put it down while it was still far from you.

“Gonna get the arrows back.” He announced. “Y/N, come.”

“What for?”

You were confused as for why he wanted you to go with him, it wasn’t like he needed you to retrieve the arrows or like you could help him if more monsters showed up. He said nothing, just began walking, and you bit your lip and decided to follow him, clutching the pipe tight.

“What will you do when you ran out of arrows?” You asked awkwardly as he yanked it from the corpse’s skull. “You think you can find more?”

“I can get most of them back and I can make more.” He answered, retrieving the other arrow. “I made that.”

“Really?” You looked at it amazed, if he had told you he’d bought it you’d have believed him…not that you were an expert on arrows, though. “That’s…that’s really impressive.” He must be really skillful.

“Ain’t nothing.” Daryl shrugged, seeming uncomfortable, frown on his face. “Anyway, look…it gotta be the head.” He pointed the arrow to one of the monster’s forehead.

“What?”

“For killing them, it gotta be the brain, they don’t stop otherwise.”

“Alright…” You had sort of deduced it by now, after seeing those things taking shot after shot without stopping.  

“And if they bit you, you turn into a dead asshole like them.”

It seemed Daryl had decided to give you your first lesson in walkers and how to deal with them, and you didn’t know why, you were actually a bit confused about the whole thing, but thankful nonetheless.

“Yeah…saw it happen to a couple people…” You shuddered. “But how?”

Daryl just shrugged. You guessed that was how the virus infected people but you couldn’t know how it worked…you weren’t very sure you’d understand it even if someone explained it to you, though.

“Alright…gotta be the brain for killing them and they infect you if they bite you.” You nodded.

“And also if they scratch you…any kind of wound they make you, cos something they have on them.” Daryl explained and you opened your mouth to ask how again, but Daryl cut you off before you could say anything. “Dunno how…if it’s cos their blood or what…dunno.”

“Alright, thanks Daryl.”

He shrugged again without looking at you, turning his back to you.

“Shane, I know how he’s,” Daryl began walking towards the others as he spoke. “But he won’t hurt you, nobody would let him.”

“Okay…”

You began following him, frowning and lost in thought about what he’d told you about walkers. When you’d briefly seen a couple scars over his shoulder blade you had thought they might have been from fighting the monsters, but it can’t be or else he’d be one of them…or maybe he had got wounded while fighting the monsters but the scars weren’t from their claws…or maybe the scars had nothing to do with that. Anyway, you were pretty sure asking wouldn’t be considered polite.

Back into the house, Rick had decided he and Daryl would take Randall, the boy you had prisoner, and drive him far away from the farm instead of killing him. It was kind of a relief. They were getting ready for it and you went to sit down with Maggie on the porch, telling her about your day helping with the fences.

“By the way, has Glenn told you something about Daryl?” You asked.

“Not really, why?” Maggie looked at you weird and you shrugged.

“Nothing…it’s just he’s been telling me about walkers today, how to kill them and all that, you know…the brain thing and not bites stuff.”

“Only thing Glenn told me was to leave him alone when he moved away from their camp because he’s a loner who doesn’t speak much and a rude hot-head and harsh with words when he does.”

Maggie told you and you frowned…it wasn’t the impression he hadn’t given you today, even though he’d been yelling at you the other day…but he’d apologized after all…you didn’t know what to think.

“Your taste in men really sucks, doesn’t it?” Maggie chuckled. “First DAN the asshole and now a guy like that.”

“Maggie! It isn’t like that!” You blushed furiously. “I’m not interested in him! I don’t even know him! I’m just confused on why he decided to tell me all that…”

“Maybe he’s interested?” Maggie kept teasing you, winking at you.

“Yeah sure…I doubt it.” You chuckled darkly. “Bet it was something more like he seeing how useless I am and trying to teach me something so I don’t fuck up.”

“Seriously Y/N…” Maggie was suddenly serious and your heart skipped a beat, wondering if she was angry at you and what had you done wrong. “You gotta stop talking like that about yourself…you ain’t useless or shit like that. Stop it.”

You shrugged helplessly…you didn’t really notice the way you talked and besides, you kind of thought it was true. Maggie let out a sigh and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you to her side.

“I’m not saying that Glenn didn’t say the truth but…Daryl’s been good to me…most times at least. And you saw how he was, looking for that little girl every day, you know how he’s with Carol.”

“Yeah…don’t know…people change.” Maggie shrugged. “Sometimes there’s more to people than what others see at first…and some people can´t even see how they really are themselves.”

She looked at you and for a moment you didn’t really know if she was talking about Daryl, about you, both, or none. You didn’t really understand it, though, so you said nothing and just enjoyed watching the sunset, snuggled with Maggie.

*

Rick and Daryl didn’t get to drive Randall away, Shane came to announce the boy had hit him, took his gun and run away, and so he and Rick along with Glenn and Daryl had split up to look for him.

You were in the living room, waiting for them to come back. Honestly, it all sounded a bit strange, tried as much as you wanted you couldn’t picture Randall, who was way smaller, punching Shane like that and getting away from him. When Daryl and Glenn came back and announced they had found Randall as a walker without bite marks, it was just even stranger.

Daryl and Glenn were about to leave again, Lori was worried about Rick and Shane not being back so they’d go looking for them. Glenn was talking quietly with Maggie and you walked out to the porch to talk with Daryl, who seemed in deep thought.

“Daryl.”

You reached for his arm and you’d barely touched him when he flinched away, which startled you and made you jump too. You almost chuckled at how jumpy you both were but Daryl was frowning at you and you apologized.

He had been flinchy and mistrustful when you talked to him while he was bedridden and once again you remembered he’d been surviving out there without walls or fences, or anything, ready for any threat to come. You felt bad for having startled him but he was raising his eyebrows at you as if waiting for you to talk and so you did.

“You told me you turned into a walker if you were bitten or scratched by one.”

“Yeah…but the only mark Randal had was a broken neck.”

“What’s going on then?”

Daryl shrugged and suddenly his eyes opened wide as he looked at some point beyond the barn. You followed his gaze and saw in terror how a massive herd of walkers was making their way to you.

“Oh my god…there….there’s a lot of them! We have to run!” You were paralyzed in terror, though, and the idea of leaving the farm scared you as much as the approaching herd…the world outside fences and walls was too Dangerous.

“Yeah.” Daryl glanced at you and seemed to notice your reluctance. “They’re too many, they’ll tear the whole place apart, we have to leave.”

It seemed Hershel wasn’t of the same opinion, he wouldn’t leave his farm, so you ended up in a car with Maggie and Glenn, shooting at the walkers, trying to drive them away from the building but to no avail, soon the farm was overrun and you had to drive away.

Maggie was having a breakdown and with reason, she had not only seen her home overrun by monsters but she also didn’t know if her family had made it and where they were.

You caught yourself crying too, but your tears turned into ones of relief when you reached the intersection and found that everyone was there…or almost everyone. Patricia, Jimmy, Andrea, and Shane were missing, you could only assume the monsters had gotten them.

Turned out it wasn’t the case for Shane, Rick admitted having killed him, claiming he was Dangerous and a threat to the group. You had no trouble believing him but as Rick ranted and ranted, he started to scare you too. If accepting him as you sole leader was the price to be safe, then you’d pay it, but you were scared.

That night, when it was your turn to take watch, you felt unsure about it but you made your way to Daryl, who was currently taking watch while T-Dog did the same at the other side of your small camp.

“Hey.” you placed a hand on his shoulder and he flinched away. “I should stop startling you.” You said awkwardly.

“Didn’t startle me.” He grumbled, not looking at you when you flopped down on the ground next to him. “What you want?”

“It’s my turn to take watch.”

“Nah, go to sleep.”

“You need to sleep too.”

“I’m fine,” Daryl said quietly.

“Well…it’s my shift nonetheless.” You said stubbornly, refusing to let go of your obligations. “Though honestly…if walkers showed up I don’t know what I’d do…don’t know if I could do much…” You added quietly.

“You wake us up and we leave.” Daryl shrugged. “Don’t need to go and fight them yourself alone.”

“Okay…even I can do that.”

Daryl just hummed, glancing at you briefly before looking down again.

“That big herd of monsters….is that normal?” You asked, shivering a bit at the memory of the overrun farm.

“Dunno…hadn’t seen one that big before.” Daryl shrugged. “There’re some strays but they seem to go in herds.”

“Which makes them more Dangerous.”

“Yeah.”

You shivered again and hugged your knees, looking around paranoid.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” You lied weakly and Daryl looked at you as if he didn’t believe you. You bit your lip not really wanting to speak about it, it made you feel weak and useless but you finally gave in. “I’m just scared.”

“Go.” He nodded towards where the others were sleeping or trying to. “T-Dog and I’ll wake everyone if we see walkers around, we’ll have time to leave before they reach us, they’re slow.”

You were tempted but you felt bad about Daryl covering your shift instead of resting, and you also were afraid of what Rick might say or do if he knew you had slept through your shift.

“No, Rick gave us shifts…”

“He won’t mind.” Daryl rolled his eyes. “But whatever, do what you want, I don’t care.”

“Rick’s your friend right?”

You asked and Daryl just hummed but he wasn’t negating it and so you decided not to say anything else. It was probably not a good idea to say what you thought and admit that you were scared of his friend.

“What?” Daryl asked you when he noticed you fidgeting nervously, you shook your head and he looked at you, cold blue eyes piercing through you. “Just say it.”

“Rick told us to do what he said… said we have to obey him, so…” You shrugged.

“That ain’t what he meant.”

“It is, we gotta do what he wants or else he’d kick us out of the group, he told us to leave if we didn’t want to follow him…not a democracy anymore…” You were used to dealing with something like that, with men like that, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t worry you or scare you.

“It ain’t like that, Rick ain’t-” Daryl stopped as if suddenly realizing something. “You’re scared of him.”

You just shrugged, biting your lip.

“Don’t. Rick wouldn’t hurt you or any of us. He wants us to make it, that’s why he’s like that,” Daryl told you but you shrugged, still unconvinced. “He’s a good man,” Daryl added, noticing your doubt.

“You’re a good man,” You said quietly and Daryl frowned at you but said nothing.

He might be surly and harsh with words sometimes, he might not be the most open and talkative person in the world but somehow you were sure your words were true, somehow you felt like you could trust he’d never hurt you. It wasn’t a feeling you had often, probably only with the Greene’s family…but you hadn’t the best record at following your feelings or reading people, sometimes you seemed blind, so maybe you shouldn’t go trusting everyone that easily, especially a man you hadn’t known for that long, you tried to remind yourself.

“You don’t wanna sleep that’s fine,” Daryl finally grumbled. “But I’m gonna keep watch, so…”

“Alright…thanks.”

Feeling guilty anyway but not knowing what else to do you made your way back to the sleeping group, covering yourself with your coat and curling up to try to sleep.

Next morning you had a couple pieces of a few protein bars you had been lucky enough to have in one of the cars. You needed to find supplies and you needed it soon…and a place to stay that wasn’t the open woods.

You saw Carol bring a couple pieces from the last bar to Daryl, who was slightly away, and you wondered guiltily if he was still keeping watch and if he had slept at all.

“Hey.” You approached him. “Did you get to sleep?”

He looked up from the arrows he was getting ready and frowned at you as if wondering why you’d approached but nodded.

“Yeah, before the sunrise, when it was Glenn’s and Maggie’s shift.”

“I’m sorry anyway…it was my shift…” You murmured.

“It’s nothing…But you have to learn to protect yourself and us from walkers.”

“I know.” You nodded, looking down. You weren’t sure you’d be able to do it. “I wish I were more like Maggie…”

Daryl just hummed, still fumbling with the arrows.

“You know each other for long?”

“Kind of but not really…I mean…We met years ago when my husband began working at the Greene’s farm but we didn’t see each other much after my husband stopped working there,” You explained awkwardly, not wanting to give many details. “Until the town was overrun and the Greene’s took me in.”

“So you’re married?” Daryl glanced at you for a second before dropping his gaze back to the arrows.

“Yeah…but I don’t know where my husband is, if he made it or not…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks…though I’m not sure they’d have taken me in if my husband was with me…”

You added quietly, more like a thought for yourself. Probably they’d have allowed you to stay on the farm anyway but not you weren’t sure your husband would have wanted to, or would have been able to get along with Hershel and his rules, and you couldn’t just abandon him, could you? He wouldn’t have allowed it anyway.

“How’s so?” Daryl asked and you regretted having said anything.

“They…they don’t like him that much.” You said evasively.

Daryl just hummed, looking at you longer than usual, and you squirmed awkwardly under his gaze, which seemed able to read you, and you weren’t sure if you wanted that, so you turned your face to the other side and let your hair fall over it.

“Got no other family? Friends?” Daryl asked, thankfully looking away from you and back to his arrows.

“I didn’t really have friends,” You admitted, ashamed. “And since I married I barely saw my parents once or twice a year, and that was so long ago…I tried to call them when all this started but they didn’t pick up…so I think…maybe they…you know.” You tailed off, swallowing hard and hoping you wouldn’t start crying.

Daryl said nothing, just hummed without looking at you. He shouldered his crossbow and got up.

“Where’re you going?”

“Hunting,” He said before disappearing further into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about the chapter! 
> 
> How would you feel if you had to keep watch, would you be scared? Or you got it? And if you suddenly had to go around killing walkers? You think you’d be able with not fuss or it’d take you a while to get the hand of it? I think I’d try my best but I wouldn’t be strong enough and I can’t really use any weapon.
> 
> And what you thought of Daryl’s behavior towards the reader?


	4. Chapter 4

You were helping Carol roast some squirrels that Daryl had hunted and that would be your dinner for the day.

Maggie and Glenn had gone out to scavenge to a nearby gas station, coming back with two bottles of fuel that’d allow you to keep driving, hoping to find a place to hole up. They hadn’t found any food, though, and only a bottle of water for all of you.

“Lori, have some more, you’re going to need it in your state,” Hershel instructed and you looked at him and Lori weird.

“State?” You asked, clueless.

Everyone seemed uncomfortable suddenly and you wondered what you’d said wrong while Lori frowned at Hershel.

“I thought everyone knew about the pregnancy by now.” He said apologetically.

You gaped at Lori. Pregnant? That must be a lot. She must be terrified, no wonder she was looking so tense and stressed lately. And with how little you all were eating…

“Well, I didn’t know it, so congratulations.” You gave Lori an encouraging smile but she didn’t seem too happy about the whole thing. You guessed it was normal. “I’m not really that hungry.” You tried to give her what was left of your squirrel but Lori glared at you.

“Don’t! I don’t want any of you treating me different! I don’t need pity!” She snapped.

“It isn’t pity…” You murmured looking down, chastised.

Everyone fell silent after that but Lori seemed to regret how she had snapped at you, she was looking at you with guilty eyes and soon she was trying to make conversation with you.

“I’m sorry Y/N…just don’t want to be a burden to anyone,” Lori told you quietly and you reached out to squeeze her hand, you didn’t hold anything against her. If you were pregnant in that situation, probably you’d be doing way worse than her. “Just…you get pregnant and everyone starts treating you like can’t do anything, you know?” She chuckled awkwardly. “I remember when I was pregnant with Carl, during the last months my mom didn’t want me even to do groceries.”

Lori looked at Rick as if trying to share her memories with him, but he was standing up, looking over the group, and he didn’t look at Lori. You had noticed there seemed to be some kind of tension between them, Rick seeming cold and distant. You didn’t know what was it about but it made you feel anxious anyway.

“Yeah, I never had the experience but I bet it’s annoying.” Was the only thing you could offer, giving Lori a soft smile. “With people telling you to stay off your feet doing nothing and all that.”

“I heard you were married, you never thought about having kids?” Lori asked but she seemed to regret it. “Sorry, too personal…”

“No, no, it’s fine.” You assured her. “My husband didn’t want kids, so…”

“Her husband was a major prick.” Maggie suddenly intervened.

“Not wanting kids makes you a prick?”

“No, you know what does,” she said and you shot her a warning look but before any of you could say anything else, Glenn, who had been looking at you wide-eyed, interrupted.

“You were married?!”

“Yeah, what, do I look so unmarriable?” You chuckled awkwardly.

“No, it’s not that!” Glenn blushed and you had to admit he was adorable, Maggie had chosen well. “Just…you never said a word about it.”

“Well, I don’t know where my husband is…or if he made it…so…”

“With some luck, she’s a widow,” Maggie said, you weren’t sure of what had gotten into her that night and you blinked at her in surprise.

“Maggie! I don’t think anyone considers a luck to be a widow!”

“Unless you’re marrying an old rich,” Beth said timidly, making her sister snort and her father gave her a scolding look, and you caught yourself letting out a chuckle too. “What, there’s a million movies about it.”

“I count myself lucky to be a widow.” Carol chimed in. “Only thing I regret is not sinking that pick into that bastard’s head before he was bitten.”

She sounded so nonchalant that you could only blink at her in surprise, not knowing what to say to that.

“He wasn’t a good man.” Lori elaborated. “Not good at all.” You nodded, you thought you understood.

“Neither was hers.”

Maggie said and you wanted to argue it but you found you couldn’t, so you said nothing and hugged your knees to your chest but Maggie didn’t let it go.

“Which’s why I don’t know why you still see yourself as married to him and why do you care about him when you should be hoping he was eaten.”

“What’s wrong with you today?!” You finally snapped, she wasn’t usually so forwards about that issue.

“With me? What’s wrong with you?!” She snapped back.

Everyone was looking away from you both, trying to busy themselves with something and seeming awkward, and you really, really didn’t want to discuss your husband or whatever was bothering Maggie in front of them.

“Nothing’s wrong with me, it’s my life, not yours…I’m not your family or nothing to come to me like that, we haven’t even been friends that long!” You regretted it as soon as you said it, even more when you saw Maggie’s hurt eyes, but you were too upset. “I…I’m good to keep watch.”

You got up and walked to the other side of your little camp, digging your nails into your palms and trying to swallow the lump in your throat, you didn’t want to cry. You heard someone approaching and you turned around, hoping it was Maggie so you could apologize and you both could sort things out alone.

It was Daryl, though.

“What?” You asked when he just stood there awkwardly.

“I…erm…I’m gonna keep watch too.”

“You don’t need to babysit me all the time!” You were frustrated and you sounded harsher than you intended. “I get it, none thinks I can do this but if I see walkers I give the alarm and the people who’re actually skilled kill them or we run, even I can do it, no need for you to babysit me so I don’t fuck it up.”

“I wasn’t babysitting you.” Daryl scowled at you. “But alright, keep watch alone for all I care.” He turned on his heels and went back to the camp.

You let out a sigh. You hadn’t intended to snap at Daryl, not when he was just trying to be kind to you, but still you felt it was because you were useless, you hadn’t put down a single walker yet hand by hand and you were pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to do it, and probably everyone knew it too.

Besides, you didn’t understand why Daryl was like that with you when you had nothing to offer him in return, you didn’t understand why he’d be kind to you and try to help you, keeping watch with you and making sure you were always alright. Your husband had always told you that nobody helped none without expecting something in return, and you wondered what Daryl might expect from you. Not that you had much to offer anyway.

“Hey.”

Maggie’s voice startled you out of your thoughts and you jumped a bit, making the other woman chuckle and apologize.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, didn’t mean to go so harsh on you, I’m just tired and stressed with everything that’s going on and all this…” You nodded, understanding “And…it’s just…” She shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know…I always thought you deserved to be free of DAN and now that you are, with all we have lost, with all the good people who are gone, I can’t bear to see you missing him and acting like you owe him something…And I know he’s your husband but I can’t help it,” she ranted. “But I’m sorry I was like that to you, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just on edge lately.”

“No, it’s okay…” You could see where she was coming from. “Just…I don’t feel like talking about it in front of all them…”

“I know, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything in front of the others and I shouldn’t have spoken like that to you…it’s your life.”

“And I’m sorry I said we’re not even friends, I didn’t mean it…cos we are, right?” You gave her an unsure look.

“We’re family,” Maggie assured you. “I know it’s been just a little more than a couple of months since you moved with us…but what a few months.”

“Crazy, I know.”

You both chuckled, it felt like an eternity had passed since the monsters began roaming the world.

“What are you doing?” You asked Maggie when she flopped down onto the ground, and you sat down next to her.

“Keeping watch with you…it’s kind of boring when you’re alone.”

“Thanks.”

Maggie said nothing but wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you to her.

“Daryl came earlier and I snapped at him,” You said guiltily.

“He’ll live.” Maggie snorted quietly.

“It’s just…I don’t know…he’s always good to me, helping me with walkers and watches and whatnot, and I don’t know why.”

“Dunno.” Maggie shrugged. “But I was wrong about him, he’s a good one. Helped us at the farm and since then.”

“Yeah…”

“We got lucky with the people we met…could have found a group like Randal’s but instead we found them.” She nodded to the group with a fond smile.

“I owe it to you, you found me in the town,” You said quietly.

“Back then I thought that seeing the town like that was the scariest thing I had seen…little did I know.”

You hummed in agreement and for a while, none of you talked.

“So you miss him?” Maggie broke the silence.

“I don’t know….” You let out a tired sigh. “He’s my husband…so I should miss him, shouldn’t I? But…I don’t know…sometimes I think about him being here, about what he’d do…when I’m talking with someone or doing something, sometimes I think what he’d think or say…and most times it’s not a nice picture…” You admitted, a bit embarrassed. “But I’m not used to be without him after all these years…so I miss him sometimes…but other times…other times is freeing.” You admitted, biting your life, wondering what that said about you as a wife.

“Baby steps I guess…” Maggie murmured before falling silent again.

A few hours later, Carol to take her shift.

“Are you taking watch alone?” You asked.

“I’m sure Daryl’ll join me at some point, so go rest.” She gave you a kind smile.

“Get going.” You told Maggie. “I’ll join you in a sec.”

Maggie nodded and when she left you tuned to Carol.

“Daryl came to keep watch with me too and I was rude to him.” You told Carol, looking down ashamed.

“Don’t think he’ll take it to heart,” Carol told you, she didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. “But if you want to apologize, then apologize.”

“Yeah, I should.” You nodded. “It’s just…he keeps watch with you cos you’re his friend, don’t know why he’d like to keep watch with me.”

“So you’re not his friend?” Carol sounded amused.

“Dunno…” You shrugged, defensive. “He hasn’t known me for that long, don’t know if he thinks we’re friends or not…” Not that you were an expert in that area. “So I don’t know why he’d do something for me…”

“Well, he’s like that.” Carol smiled fondly. “He’s all grumpy and surly but in reality, he does have the best heart and he wants to help people…especially if he thinks they need it.” She added softly.

“Yeah…I guessed when he covers my shift or keeps watch with me it’s cos he thinks I can’t do it and need someone to do it for me.” You let out a defeated sigh.

“That’s not what I meant.” Carol chuckled softly but she didn’t elaborate. “It’s not that he thinks you’re useless or any of those silly things you seem to think, he helps you or anyone cos that’s the way he is, he’s more selfless and caring than he lets the world see.”

You wanted to ask more about what she meant but you didn’t want to come out as rude or nosy.

“It’s just…I don’t know why he’d help me when I have nothing to offer in return.” You admitted. “I don’t know what he expects from me.”

“I told you, that’s how he is. He didn’t help you because he expects something in return from you.”

“But my husband  told me none helps anyone without expecting something from them.”

“Did the Greene’s ask something in return from you for taking you in?”

“No…but I helped around…” Though you saw Carol’s point, you doubted Hershel would have demanded something from you in exchange of staying, besides keeping his barn secret.

“Helping each other helps all of us to keep going… seriously, when someone helps you for the good reasons they’re not going to claim something in return.”

“But-“

“Look,” Carol cut you off. “If your husband was even a little bit like mine, maybe he wasn’t the best authority on the matter.”

“Yeah…yeah, I guess.”

“You do?”

“Starting to…”

“It’ll get better…” Carol let out a sigh. “Just…know that you’re not useless or anything like that, and that people can be kind to you without expecting something in return or with ulterior motives.” She seemed to think for a second before talking again. “And you can be mad at me if you want, but I think your husband was probably a bastard like mine and you’re better off without him.”

You looked down, swallowing hard and trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall down your eyes. Two people had told you the same that day…You nodded weakly. It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought it before, during all your years of marriage. But whenever you thought about leaving…you knew that what you would have to go through was too much and you felt so alone…so you always found excuses, let DAN convinced you of whatever he wanted while you also convinced yourself of your love and happiness, or tried to, so you could be able to keep going.

Besides, it was the life you had chosen and so you had to take responsibility for your actions and choices, you always thought like that.

But now, all your resolution had begun crumbling and it hurt.

Carol reached out to squeeze your shoulder.

“Come on, get some sleep.”

On your way, you crossed paths with Daryl but you didn’t gather enough courage to stop him and apologize. You decided you’d do it in the morning, but when you woke up he had already left to hunt.

Rick, Maggie, and Glenn went to scout, trying to find a place where you could hole up, you couldn’t keep staying in the woods, not only for the threat of walkers, which kept you all paranoid of even the smallest noise, but also the days were getting colder and your small fire couldn’t fight it much.

There was a bit of panic when a couple walkers stumbled towards the camp but while T-Dog went to put down one, Carol and you threw stones at the other so it’d go towards you instead of him, distracting it until T-Dog could go and kill it too.

When the others came back they brought good news, they had found an old, abandoned cabin, but you had to wait until Daryl was back to go. They had also managed to scavenge some things, a couple of cans of soup, some knives, and also they said there were some ratty blankets in the cabin that’d be welcomed against the cold.

“Got you something,” Maggie announced, sitting down next to you and presenting you with a big machete.

“I don’t know…” You took it, frowning at it unsure. “Someone more skillful with it should have it…”

“We got plenty of knives, Rich took another and also did Glenn, he’s like a kid with a new toy.” Maggie rolled her eyes but smiled fondly. “I took this for you.

“Alright…” You still sounded unsure.

“It’s big, a bit more than mine.” She unsheathed the big knife she had brought from the farm. “So I think maybe it’ll be easier to reach the monster’s brain…I don’t know, but it’s strong.”

“In theory…” You weren’t that sure. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it.”

“It’s not as hard as it seems.” Maggie tried to encourage you. “I put down two today.”

“But you’re you, and I…” You tailed off.

“Y/N, don’t start, you’ll learn, just like everyone…got a knife for Beth too.” She showed you a beautiful, slightly smaller knife.

“How’s she doing?”

“I don’t know…surprisingly good, I’m scared she’s not processing it and at some point she’s going to collapse.”

“She’s stronger than she looks.”

“I wish she didn’t have to go through all this…”

“Yeah…”

*

As soon as Daryl was back you all took off, arriving at the cabin when it was dark already.

Carol made dinner, some sort of stew with the cans of soup and the squirrels that Daryl had brought. You saw her getting a plate ready for Daryl, who was outside keeping watch, so you approached her.

“I can take it to Daryl if you want,” you told her. “So I can try and apologize…” You added quietly, just for her.

“Alright.”  Carol smiled to you, passing you the plate. “I don’t think he’s angry at you or expecting an apologie though.”

“Well…I want to do it anyway.”

Once you walked outside, though, you felt shy at the idea of approaching him when you saw him sitting down on the stairs, but you forced yourself to do it.

“Dinner,” You told him awkwardly.

Daryl looked at you nodding in silence.

“I…I wanted to apologize for snapping at you.”

Daryl just shrugged, still silent, and you didn’t know if that was the way he was, if he really didn’t care as Carol had said, or if he was mad at you, and you shifted your weight from foot to foot anxiously.

“It’s okay.” Daryl murmured, seeming to notice your anxiety.

“No, it’s not okay, you were being good to me and I was an ass.”

Daryl just shrugged again and you felt like retreating into the cabin so it took all your courage to sat down on the stairs too instead of leaving, placing the bowl of stew between Daryl and you.

“What you doing?”

“Keeping watch too.”

You heard Dark scoff softly before taking his bowl.

“Have you eaten dinner?” He asked and you shook your head. “Then go dine.”

Reluctantly, you got up and walked into the cabin. Carol raised her eyebrows at you as if silently asking you how it had gone and you shrugged. Taking your bowl of stew, you walked back outside.

“Not what I meant,” Daryl said when he saw you reappear with your own dinner.

“I can leave if you want…” You said, unsure.

“It’s fine.”

You sat down on the stairs again and Daryl glanced at you briefly from the corner of his eye.

“You don’t need to dine with me or keep watch with me or nothing,” he said without looking at you. “Don’t care you think you snapped at me or something, I ain’t mad or nothing.”

“Well, you’d have kept watch with me….” You bit your lip. “But it’s cos you know I can’t fight the monsters if they come, right?”

“Yeah.”

You already knew it but his confirmation stung. You said nothing, looking down with a lump in your throat.

“You ain’t the only one,” Daryl said as if noticing how you felt. “You just didn’t have to do it when you lived in that farm. You’ll learn.”

“Yes?”

“Or you’ll die.” Daryl shrugged but he noticed you swallowing hard and looking down again. “I’m kidding, woman. But you gotta learn.”

“I know…” You wanted to, you’d try to, you just weren’t sure if you’d be able to do it.

For a moment, none said anything, you both ate your dinner in silence.

“You were tired and you were scared, you never had to kill one of them, that’s why I covered your shift that day,” Daryl said when he finished the stew, looking away from you and seeming a bit uncomfortable. “And why I take watch with you. Not cos I think you can’t do it.”

“That’s…good to know, thanks.” You weren’t really sure of what to say or if you really believed him, but it was a relief. Daryl just shrugged at your words again. “Seriously, thank you.”

“You don’t owe me to keep watch with me or nothing. I’m fine alone.”

“I know…I’ll leave if you want to be alone.”

“I don’t care.”

You didn’t know what to do, but you didn’t get up. Daryl said he wasn’t mad at you but you still felt a bit anxious as if you hadn’t properly apologized.

“It’s just…” You tried to begin again, fidgeting as you tried to put your thoughts into words. “I didn’t know why you’d want to do something for me when you don’t really know me that much…thought it was cos you thought I was useless…” You still couldn’t stop thinking like that, no matter his words. “Wondered what you wanted from me in return.”

Daryl looked at you at that, frowning.

“I want nothing from you.” He grumbled.

“I guess…I guess I’m not used to people doing things for me, and doing it without expecting nothing.” You admitted, shrugging awkwardly.

“Me neither,” Daryl murmured.

He was looking away from you and you took advantage to look at him, curious. You didn’t know much about him, nothing you’d say, but you knew he wasn’t family of anyone in the group, neither had he really been a friend until recently, you remembered how he’d kept himself separated at the early days on the farm.

You wondered if he had a hard time trusting people intentions too or accepting their help, though with how willingly he offered his, you hadn’t thought about it.

“Guess we have to get used to it, that’s how they are,” you said, nodding towards the cabin. That was how Daryl was too, but you didn’t say it aloud.

“Yeah.” He was still looking away but you noticed a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

You both stayed silent for a while but you were still determined to keep watch with him and you thought for something you could talk about while the hours passed. Nothing too personal, he seemed as uncomfortable as you when confronted about that. Walkers maybe…at least you might learn a useful thing or two.

“How did you figure you gotta aim for the brain when killing the monsters?”

“When you shot all your arrows at one and it keeps coming until you shot at the brain, you kind of guess it.”

You chuckled softly and Daryl glanced at you briefly with a smirk.

“Yeah, I watched a policeman shot at one and it wouldn’t stop coming until he shot at its head.” You shivered, that first time you’d seen a walker still came to you in your nightmares day in day out. “The first one I saw, eating off my boss’ face.”

“Shit, woman.”

“Yeah, it was terrifying…and yours?” You asked timidly.

“I was hunting in the woods when I first saw them, didn’t know what was going on at first, but they…” He trailed off without finishing his sentence.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

You didn’t want to push it, you were glad enough Daryl seemed to want to talk with you and was keeping your conversation going, and so you kept talking about your experience.

“Same day I saw what happens when you’re bitten, though I didn’t really understand it at first…or maybe it was the day after…” Time was a bit blurry in your mind. “I took in my neighbor, she had been bitten, and then she died, and then at some point she…she came back like that…” You shivered again.

“You put her down?”

“No…don’t think I could have…”

Daryl just hummed.

“I ran away from the house but there were more of them outside, I thought I was going to be devoured, but Maggie showed up out of the blue and I rode away from the monsters with her on her horse like she was princess charming.”

You laughed softly and heard Daryl snort quietly, and though you were still shivering at the memories you couldn’t help your fond smile at the thought of Maggie and how she had helped you.

“I thought you’d been at the farm longer, that you’d never seen walkers that close,” Daryl said. “Why’re you so scared of them then? You even survived one in your house.”

“Cos they kill people and they devour them? Like…how can you not, have you seen them?” You looked at him in disbelieve. “And cos I know I wouldn’t be able to fight them…”

“You don’t know that, you haven’t tried.” Daryl shrugged.

“I fear the monsters will come while I’m keeping watch and I won’t know what to do and they’re going to attack us because of me and I won’t be able to fight them and-”

“That’s stupid.” Daryl cut you off. “You’ve seen enough of them to know they’re slow, plenty of time to give the alarm, told you already.”

“Yeah…” You nodded, hugging your knees to your chest.

Daryl glanced at you from the corner of his eye before talking again.

“I didn’t know about the bites until a couple days later when my uncle turned,” he began explaining. “He’d been bitten but he was like nothing, didn’t turn until after almost two days, he was a stubborn, tough sonofabitch. I put him down.”

You looked at Daryl in horror and sympathy, wondering what you’d do if you had to put down someone of your family…you didn’t think you could do it.

“I’m sorry…” you said but Daryl shrugged it off. “You’re brave…” You whispered, impressed, and Daryl looked at you weird.

“He was coming for me and I’d seen what they do, I’d seen them killing people,” he said. “My father the first.”

“Daryl…”

You didn’t know what to say, you were just more horrified and saddened, you’re heart breaking a bit at the idea of someone having to see their parent end like that.

“I’m sorry…” You said softly, fighting the impulse telling you to reach out to him.

“I ain’t.”

Daryl snapped, face angry, taking you aback, startled by his biting tone. You knew better than to ask about it, though, it wasn’t your place and he obviously didn’t feel like talking about it, it neither seemed like he’d feel good while doing so, and so you both stayed silent.

“So…how do you make sure the walkers don’t scratch you when you’re holding them back?”

You asked just a slight bit awkward, trying to talk about something else, earnestly listening to Daryl as he gave you tips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about this! And legit question, hoq do you manage to get a good hold of a walker when you tried to kill them and prevent them from scracthing you…or it’s something that only worries short people like me?


	5. Chapter 5

You’d stayed in that cabin for a few days, eating from what Daryl hunt for you and what Maggie and Glenn managed to scavenge, with only stray walkers roaming around not that frequently, until a small group showed up one night.

You’d been asleep when Maggie and Glenn gave the alarm and you jumped to your feet, trying not to panic but with your heart in your throat.

“We can overpower them,” Rick was saying from the outside. “They’re not that many and we can’t leave this place. Come on, we can fight them.”

Daryl nodded, already joining him, crossbow ready. You knew you were safer in that cabin than in the woods, protected from the cold and stray walkers, and if you left who knew when and where you might find another place like this, but the idea of fighting the monsters almost took your breath away.

You had with you the machete Maggie’d given you but you also took the rifle, you didn’t feel confident in hand by hand fight.

“No shooting unless we can’t help it,” Rick reminded. “We’d only bring more to us.”

You followed the others outside, besides Beth, Carl and Lori, your hands trembling, the walkers already on you. You saw how the others began sinking their knives into the monsters’ heads but you felt frozen at the idea of having to get so close to them and grab them while they tried to bit you.

Daryl’d been shooting arrows at them but now that they were too close and he didn’t have time to reload, he just hit one of them on the head with the crossbow until it dropped dead before dropping the crossbow in favor of his knife. It gave you an idea.

One of the walkers had gotten close to you, too close, so you gathered all your courage and grabbing the rifle hard, you hit the walker with it twice.  It stumbled backward, face and head bleeding but still moving, though it slowed down enough for Carol to grab it more easily and sunk her knife into its brain.

“Teamwork.” Carol winked at you.

Daryl had approached you and Carol, and he nodded in approval looking at you and the walker dead at your feet.

“You okay?” He asked you and you nodded, though you were pretty shaken. “And you?” He turned to Carol, who was sliding her knife off the walker’s head.

“Yeah.”

The threat had subsided but you still had to dispose of the bodies, taking them away from the cabin.

“Come here,” Carol called for you once you were back in the cabin and when you approached she began washing off the blood that had spattered over you while you hit the walker. “See, you did well, all that of not being able to was nonsense.”

“I just hit one with a rifle.” You shrugged.

“You help me put a monster down, didn’t you?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s settled then,” she pocked your nose before going to check on Lori.

You went to sit down on the stairs of the cabin, feeling too restless to be inside with the others, still shaken by the events of the day. You could see Rick a bit ahead, pacing as he kept watch around the perimeter. You heard the wood creak next to you and you jumped a bit, startled, hand on the sheat of your knife, but it was just Daryl.

“Now it’s you who startles me.” You joked darkly.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You thought he might go with Rick but he just stayed there in silence.

“You, erm, you did well today.”

“Couldn’t use the knife.” You shrugged.

“You helped Carol put down one anyway.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Listen to her.”

*

Turned out your fight against the walkers was for nothing. Just a couple days after it a herd stumbled towards the cabin, this time too big for you to fight. It seemed the walkes were migrating towards that direction or something, Glenn murmured while you all got ready.

The monsters were slow, sure, but if you weren’t careful you had them on you before you could realize it. You tried to get as many supplies into the cars as possible while you still had time.

Daryl was shooting at the walkers that were getting too close and you saw Rick taking out his revolver too, seeming to decide you could shoot to keep them away since you were leaving anyway. Carol began shooting at them too so you took the rifle and began shooting too, failing some shots but also putting a couple walkers down.

“Come on, let’s go!”

T-Dog called once everything was inside the cars.

“Look at that, for someone claiming she can’t kill walkers, her kill count keeps rising.” Carol was saying teasingly to Daryl while she rushed to his bike, making sure you could hear her. You saw Daryl smirk and Carol winked at you.

You murmured an awkward thank you, blushing and getting into one of the cars.

You drove for a while until you were far enough from the herd. Once you stopped, Rick and Glenn began studying a map, trying to think where to go next, while T-Dog and Daryl paced around the perimeter, keeping watch.

“You doing okay?” Maggie approached you, noticing your pained expression as you rubbed your shoulder.

“Yeah, I didn’t notice the kickback of that rifle while I was shooting…” Too much adrenaline, you supposed. “Now I feel like it literally kicked my shoulder to death.”

“I feel you…but think about the arms we’re going to get,” Maggie joked and you both chuckled weakly. “No need to work out no more.”

No matter how hard any of you studied the map, between the blocked roads and the roaming walkers, you couldn’t find any place to hole up for the night and you were forced to stay in a clear in the woods again. You settled a perimeter, tying some cord from tree to tree around your little camp, tying things to it so it would rattle if something approached, making it easier to keep watch in the dark.

During the days you had been at the cabin the weather had gotten colder and the little fire didn’t do much against it. You approached Beth, who was curled up on herself, shivering.

“You okay baby girl?”

“Yeah.” She gave you a brave smile but you noticed her chattering teeth.

“Here.”

You took off your coat, or rather Maggie’s coat, it was an old one she had given you at the farm, like almost all your clothes.

“No, Y/N, you don’t need to, you’ll be cold.” Beth began but you covered her with the coat nonetheless.

“It’s fine, I have this sweater.”

“Oh, I remember it! Daddy bought it for Maggie so she wore it whenever she came but she hated it.”

“Well, I like it.” You chuckled softly.

You sat down near the fire, rubbing at your arms to try and fight the cold.

“That was sweet,” Carol told you.

“It was nothing, it’s hard enough for her already without having to freeze and…ow.” A piece of warm, heavy fabric fell over you, startling you, and you looked up to see Daryl had thrown you his jacket and he was putting his vest back over his shirt.

“No, you don’t have to-“

You began, trying to give it back to him, but he cut you off.

“I ain’t cold.”

“Cos he’s all hot-blooded.”

Carol teased, smirking, making Daryl blush red and frown at her, grumbling something you didn’t catch while sitting down next to her.

“Thanks,” You said, snuggling into the jacket, the warmth already helping you stop shaking.

“It’s nothing.”

“It was sweet too.” Carol kept her teasing. “So adorable.”

“Stop.”

He warned her and you couldn’t help your smile, you were used to hearing them banter every time they settled down or kept watch together. You envied it a bit, they were your friends too, sure, they helped you and talked to you, Daryl sill kept watch with you most of the time, but your friendship with them obviously didn’t have the same deep level than theirs.

You missed having someone. You’d call Maggie your best friend and she was there for you, but she spent most of her time with Glenn. You felt lonely sometimes. You glanced towards the other side of the fire, where Glenn and Maggie were cuddled together against the cold. You smiled softly but let out a melancholic sigh.

“I feel you,” Carol said, chuckling softly. “Sometimes all you need is to be cuddled with someone keeping each other warm.”

“Yeah.” You nodded though Carol wasn’t sounding as melancholic as you but more amused.

“We can cuddle together if you want since this one here is not able to catch a hint.”

She nodded towards Daryl who grumbled something under his breath, turning his back to Carol, who just smirked.

“It’s not a bad idea.” You smiled to Carol before letting out another sigh. “I know Maggie says I shouldn’t but I’m really missing my husband right now.” You whispered.

“No, what you’re missing it’s having someone, not him.”

“Maybe…I’m not that sure, though.” You shrugged. “All I know is that I can’t help it.”

“My brother was a prick most times.” Daryl’s quiet voice surprised you, you thought he wasn’t paying attention to the conversation. “And I miss him sometimes.”

You didn’t know he had lost a brother and you fought the urge to reach out to try and comfort him somehow.

“He was a prick indeed.” Carol agreed but she reached out to pat Daryl’s arm reassuringly. “But I guess it’s normal to sometimes miss the people we loved even if they weren’t good, as long as we remember they were bad for us.”

“You miss your husband?” You asked.

“Not at all.”

*

Next morning you all went back to your vehicles to start again the search for a place to stay.

You didn’t have much luck and Rick decided you’d just stay in the woods again and then try to drive further away the next day. There were still a couple hours of light and so Daryl went hunting.

He came back sooner than you’d expected and bringing nothing but bearing great news, he had found a cabin ahead, bigger than the one you had left although rather deteriorated. There were some walkers in the perimeter but not enough for the group to not be able to clear them.

“Can’t we just rush into the cabin and lock it?” You suggested, looking at the monsters from afar.

“No, the walkers outside would make noise and bring more here,” Rick explained.

“And we’d be trapped inside, they’d tear down everything,” Daryl added.

And so you made your way to the walkers, no guns this time, you couldn’t take the risk of bringing more monsters and they overpowering you.

“Remember what I told you about how to use the knife?” Maggie asked you.

“Just in theory…” You asked, unsure, but she was already making her way to the walkers.

You went too, knife in hand, but as the monsters began to approach you, snarling and hissing you found yourself freezing, unsure of how to proceed.

“Y/N!”

Daryl called your name and he tossed you a long, sturdy wooden stick that probably had been part of the cabin’s porch before it almost fell down completely.

“Keep them away from you!”

You nodded wildly, hitting at the closer one so it couldn’t reach you and then Daryl grabbed it and sank his knife into his head.

“Alright, keep going.”

You nodded again, unable to talk at that moment, and you hit another one a few times until it felt to the ground although it was still moving and trying to get up. It had to be the brain, you knew, and so you sank the edge of the stick into its head as hard as you could, hearing a sickening sound, until the monster stopped moving.

The sensation made your stomach turn and you had to take a deep breath before trying to pull back the stick but it seemed to be stuck and you had to step on the monster to hold it down and kept it on the ground until you managed to pull out the stick, feeling sick to your stomach.

Another one had gotten too close during your struggle but Maggie put it down.

“Almost done.” She told you but you could only nod wordlessly.

There was another walker stumbling to you and you pushed him away with the stick but you tried to concentrate on hitting its head as hard as possible when it were close enough. The level of violence around you and your fear was threatening to make you freeze again but you tried to focus and hit the monster on the head as hard as you could.

The monster dropped dead to the ground but you barely had time to celebrate or feel proud as you realized the impact had broken your stick.

“Shit…”

You murmured but when you looked around and you noticed there was only a walker left, which Rick put down quickly.

“Done.”

Inside the cabin there weren’t any walkers, luckily, but neither any supplies, which wasn’t as lucky. Place seemed to have been abandoned long before the dead began walking.

The sun was about to go down so you all rushed to clear the bodies and made sure the perimeter was safe and secured. You barely had anything for dinner, all you sharing a can of beans, big but still scarce for all you, so it was decided Maggie and Glenn’d go scavenging next day to an area they located in the map, about an hour drive from there, where they thought they might find some supplies. They’d also search for more winter gear, the cold getting into the cabin, making you all huddle together.

It wasn’t the cold what wasn’t letting you sleep but how shaken you still were by the fight against the monsters, so you decided to go keep Daryl company during his watch shift.

“I can’t sleep,” you complained when you reached his side.

“What’s wrong?” He stopped his pacing.

“The usual…cold, scared…” You listed though you weren’t as scared as you once had felt, knowing Daryl’d give the alarm if something was wrong, but there was always the possibility of walkers sneaking on you.

Daryl just hummed without looking at you, probably guessing there was something else, but he never pushed you to speak.

“I froze today.” You finally said, looking down guiltily.

“That ain’t true, I saw you putting down two.”

“Not with the knife…I couldn’t…”

“So what? You put down two anyway.”

“Yeah, just…the knife…” You struggled to find words. “The idea of having to be that close…”

“I know.” Daryl nodded, understanding without you needing to finish the sentence.

“I want to do it, though. Maggie’s been giving me some tips, things she’d figured out…she’s been talking about maybe trying to train with me, but it’s not like she has lots of experience either and she has never trained anyone or herself.” You appreciated it anyway, you had seen how skilled and lethal she seemed with the knife and you were eager yet nervous to start training.

“I…erm…” Daryl glanced at you from the corner of the eye before looking back to the woods. “Never trained anyone either…could try too if you want…”

He began pacing again and you followed him with a grin on your face.

“Would you?!” You asked excited and Daryl just hummed and nodded. “Thanks!”

Daryl turned to look at you briefly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, before resuming his pacing around the perimeter. You kept walking by him, wondering if you should be scared at been out there in the dark but you trusted Daryl to keep you both safe, you knew he could deal with any walker that might stumble towards you.

There wasn’t time for training the next day as Daryl, Maggie and Glenn left for the supply run.

The ones that stayed at the cabin kept working on securing the place, tying wire, rope, and anything you could find from tree to tree, creating a perimeter around the cabin. It wouldn’t stop the walkers but hopefully it’d slow them down and alert the people on watch more easily.

As hours passed and the others weren’t back you all tried not to worry much and when finally they arrived, they brought a few cans of food with them besides an opossum Daryl had hunted and also they’d found a couple more of blankets and some sleeping bags, all winter gear was more than welcome.

Nobody’s mood had been the best since losing the farm but such a good haul, besides having a place to stay behind walls, made you all feel even just a little bit better and dinner that night was less gloomy and tense than usual.

You’d never eaten opossum before but you weren’t in a place to say no to food, as your grumbling stomach reminded you.

“It’s actually not that bad,” Beth commented from her blanket cocoon, munching on a piece of meat that she also had been eyeing doubtfully.

“Cos I can make anything taste wonderful.” Carol joked, laughing softly.

“You all just like to complain, possum’s fine,” Daryl grumbled.

“I don’t care what it is, I’m starving.” Maggie attacked another piece.

“Be thankful we have fresh meat.” Hershel reminded, putting another piece on Lori’s plate, ignoring her when she tried to stop him.

“Yeah, thank you, Daryl.” You smiled to the archer, who just shrugged, mumbling that it was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about this! 
> 
> What you think, would you be able to put down walker with a knife? I think it’d be too much of a struggle to hold them in place for me (and I’m rather short, as you may notice if you read my series “Life at the end of the world”) so I think I’d like something larger like Michonne’s katana to keep them away from me.


	6. Chapter 6

You’d thought training with Daryl would be harder than with Maggie, but while he was over careful with you, barely touching you at all and treating you like you could break, Maggie didn’t have such qualms and besides showing you how she used the knife for you to try and imitate her, she also got into play flights with you sometimes too.

None of you had any idea about training at all but at least you felt like you were doing something and you felt productive, and sometimes it was even fun. You still didn’t dare to go on runs, though, and when eventually a herd of walkers stumbled to the cabin you had been so anxious at the thought of fighting them that you thought you wouldn’t be able to do it.

They had been too many to fight, though, and so you all had regretfully left the cabin, having to spend a couple days in the woods, constantly on alert as stray walkers showed up, before you found another, rather tiny, cabin. It had been locked so you all hoped to find supplies inside, but it was emptied. At the very least, you only had found one walker inside it.

By now, though, you all knew these places weren’t permanent and that you should get ready to leave it in a few days when a herd of walkers woued  inevitably stumble towards it. They were everywhere and no place was safe enough when they came in herds.

There had been some discussion about what to do whenever you’d end up losing that cabin too. The main idea seemed to be to leave the woods and hit the road again, try to find residential areas and places like that, that might have supplies and better places to hole up, but you all were worried there would be too many walkers in those places, so nothing was decided yet.

For now, you were grateful to have a place to hole up again and would take advantage of it for as long as possible. Also, the cabin was close to an unblocked road, which made it easier to drive to closer places to find supplies, you were in need of cans of food that you could storage for times of even more need.

Daryl still went hunting every day, always managing to bring back something for you to eat, but you had caught him worriedly murmuring to Rick how the game was scarcer and scarcer each day.

And in the middle of all that, whenever they had time, he and Maggie kept helping you train, even though you still hadn’t dared to face a walker with your knife.

“No, if you hold it like that the walker can still move!” Maggie was instructing you and before you knew what was happening she’d turned her head and was bitting your wrist.

“What the hell?!” You let go of your knife, startled, but couldn’t help but laugh when Maggie began laughing too.

“Now you’d turn and I’d have to put you down and you’d break my heart.” Maggie was serious again. “So you gotta do it right.”

“It’s not fair, you’re quicker than a walker and harder to hold, and you think…sometimes!” You added just to make her laugh again.

“Yeah, well, better safe than sorry!” She wrapped her arm around your shoulders to walk you both back to the cabin.

You had first watch that night after dinner. Repeating yourself that if something were to approach the place you’d hear it getting trapped in the wire around the perimeter, you sat down on the stairs of the rundown porch, a heavy blanket tightly wrapped around you.

You were jumpy when you heard the wood creaking but it was only Daryl, walking towards you. You smiled at him, unwrapping part of your blanket and offering it to him but he shook his head no.

“You’re gonna freeze.” You told him when he sat down next to you.

“I ain’t cold.” He replied. “You okay?”

“Yeah…better…” You smiled softly, you were still scared, sure, but not as terrified and anxious as you had once been.

“How was it with Maggie today?”

“She bit me.” You replied, chuckling.

“What?” In the dark, you could see Daryl’s frown and his confused expression, and you could just giggle more.

“Said she wants to keep it real.” You explained and  Daryl scoffed but you noticed his smirk.

“Maggie said something…” You began talking about a moment of silence. “About getting bit and turning…”

You had tried not to think much about that, ever. Hershel had been making theories about how the infection might work, coming out with the idea that maybe if the infected limb was amputated right after the bite, the infection wouldn’t spread, but you hadn’t thought much about it, didn’t want to.

“You won’t be bitten,” Daryl said quietly as if thinking that was what was troubling you.

“No, is not that, just…Maggie said that then she’d have to put me down and she didn’t want to…and I’ve been thinking, I don’t think I’d be able to do something like that, ever…” You admitted, the idea of putting down someone from your group or even a stranger, no matter if it was to stop their suffering and stop them from turning, was too much.

“It ain’t easy.” Daryl nodded.

“You did it for Dale when Rick couldn’t…”

“Rick could, but I didn’t want him having to do all.” Daryl shrugged.

“You’re a good man.” You said and Daryl just scoffed. “And brave, to do that.”

“Was the first time, I hadn’t done it before.” He mumbled quietly.

“Then you were even braver.”

You reached out to take his hand and squeeze it, trying to give him some comfort that you thought he might need, but he flinched his hand away. You wondered if he had done it on purpose or if it was a reflex and maybe you’d startled him.

“I ain’t…” he began talking after a moment of silence. “Told you my father was killed by walkers…”

You nodded, encouraging him to keep talking since he seemed reluctant to keep going.

“Found him like that, like Dale…he asked me to kill him and I couldn’t…”

“Daryl…”

Of course he couldn’t…nobody should have to kill their parents, nobody should have to see them like that. Your heart broke at the thought. You didn’t have words, you wanted to reach out for him again but after he’d flinched away you didn’t dare.

“And I should have, cos my father was a bastard, a prick who deserved to die like that…but I froze anyway…”

He sounded angry but you knew he was hurting and your heart went to him.

“Did…did he…”

You stopped before you could ask something too personal, but you wondered…Daryl was like you in some ways, sometimes, the same subconscious reactions to certain things, the way in which he flinched sometimes…you couldn’t help but wonder…

“What?” Daryl asked when you didn’t finish your question and you bit your lip but finally decided to ask.

“Did he hurt you?”

Daryl said nothing, looking at the opposite side, but finally he nodded.

“And I couldn’t kill him. I ain’t strong.”

You didn’t know what to say but felt heartbroken for him, having been hurt by someone who was supposed to love him and care for him. And yet he had become his caring, strong self.

All you wanted was to hold him and try to give him some comfort, even if he behaved like he didn’t need it, and so carefully you dared to wrap your arms around his shoulders, slowly as not to startle him.

He stiffed at the contact and it felt like hugging a statue but he didn’t push you away like you were expecting, letting you hold him although briefly, soon he was shrugging away from your arms, silent and looking away, seeming uncomfortable.

You had a million questions running through your mind about his family, his dad, his mother, the brother he said he missed even though he wasn’t good, but you knew nothing good would come from asking and pushing him, it’d hurt him and make him snap. If he wanted to talk about it then he would, you guessed, as he had just done.

It didn’t seem like he was going to talk anymore, though, he stayed silent and so did you, but you kept each other company.

*

“Who’s coming to the run, then?” Glenn was asking after having organized the plan for today’s run to a service area he had located in the map. “Daryl?”

Maggie and Glenn were the ones who always went to runs and usually Rick, Daryl or T-Dog would join them, depending on the place they were going to hit, how much help they thought they might need and what the others had to do for the day.

“I wanted to go hunting…ask someone else?” Daryl looked up from the arrows he was getting ready, seeming uncertain. “Or I can go…”

“No, it’s fine, go hunting I’ll ask T-Dog. If the place’s a bust we better have something to dine.”

Daryl nodded and Glenn squeezed his shoulder before going to find T-Dog. You’d been listening to the exchange in silence, you didn’t dare to offer your help in the run, afraid you’d be more of a burden than a help.

“Y/N, wanna come with me?” Daryl asked as he got up and shouldered his crossbow.

You blinked at him in surprise, he went hunting alone always beside a couple times Rick had gone with him, and you had no idea about tracking or hunting whatsoever, you didn’t understand why he’d want you with him, sure that you’d be a nuisance, but you were curious too and so you nodded.

“Okay…you sure?”

Daryl hummed a yes.

“Got your knife? Let’s go.”

You ought to be scared, you hadn’t ever left the perimeter of wherever place you were staying and you’d never gone deep into the woods but being with Daryl made you feel like you’d be alright and so you found yourself following him contentedly as he tracked something you couldn’t notice, at least until he pointed it.

Daryl stopped, pressing a finger to his lips to tell you to keep quiet and pointed at a rabbit a bit ahead.

“It’s so cute…” You couldn’t help but whisper.

“Dinner,” Daryl whispered back.

He aimed and landed a perfect shot, and told you to wait while he went to retrieve the prize. He’d knelt on the ground when suddenly you saw some walkers stumbling towards him.

“Daryl!”

You warned, rushing to him while he got up, letting go of the crossbow to take his knife and sink it into the head of one of the monsters before doing the same to another.

You took your knife too but stayed behind Daryl, unsure of what to do. He was putting down another walker with a skill you were sure you’d never have but there was another one too close to him so you pushed it away, knife ready.

When the monster turned to you growling and snapping, though, you couldn’t help but recoil from it, your hand shaking. Daryl’d finished putting down the other one and so he turned to help you.

He grabbed the monster’s arms, pulling it away from you, but he didn’t kill it as you had expected instead he pinned the walker’s arms behind its back and held it in place while it struggled to break free and bite him.

“Come on!” Daryl urged you and you looked at him confused, not knowing what he was doing.

“What?!”

“Put it down!” Daryl roughly pulled the monster back when it tried to snap at you again. “The knife!”

You looked at the knife and back at the walker Daryl was holding, scared and still confused at what was he doing and why he hadn’t put the monster down himself already.

“Come on! I got it, you can do it.”

Daryl gave the walker another push when it turned its head to snap at him. He didn’t let it go, his hold on the monster still strong, but you were terrified anyway thinking the walker was going to break free from Daryl’s grasp and bite him. You forced yourself to move and grab the walker’s head as best as possible, sinking your knife into its skull.

“That’s it.”

Daryl only released it when he was sure it was dead but you fell down onto your knees next to it anyway, still holding the knife that was now embedded into the head of the monster. You had a lump in your throat and you took in a shaky breath, feeling truly shaken and fighting tears.

“Hey…”

Daryl reached down to place a hand on your shoulder but you flinched away.

“What the hell was that?!” You yelled, getting up. “Are you crazy, holding a walker like that?!”

Daryl recoiled at your tone, eyes wide in surprise.

“I wasn’t going to let it hurt you.” He replied, frowning at you. “I wasn’t going to let it go.”

“You can’t know that! It could have broken free, it could have killed us, it could have bit you!”

“Told you, wasn’t going to let it hurt you…” Daryl still frowned as if confused at your outburst.  “You wanted to train to kill those things.”

“So you decided the best way to do that was to hold a monster and force me to kill it so it wouldn’t kill us. Sure, what a wonderful not crazy idea!”

You knew he hadn’t really forced you but still felt like it, when you had seen the walker so close and then snapping at Daryl you’d been so scared you’d found hard even to breathe and so you had done your best to kill the thing even though you were totally scared of it.

But what if you hadn’t been able to do it? What if the monster had managed to break free or to bite Daryl before you could kill it? It had been too dangerous and the idea had you almost in tears.

“It didn’t seem you were gonna put it down if I didn’t!” Daryl snapped annoyed.

“I told you I’m useless at this!”

You didn’t need him to remind you how you couldn’t kill the monsters, you were very aware of it. You rubbed your eyes furiously and turned your back to Daryl. You didn’t want to cry but the idea of everything that could have gone wrong and how once again you’d been paralyzed by fear was making it hard to stop the tears.

“Ain’t that…didn’t mean that.”

You heard Daryl mutter but you began walking away.

“Wait!” He called after you. “Where you going?”

“To the camp! You keep hunting I’m good alone.”

“You don’t even have your knife.”

Shit…you had forgotten that it was still embedded in the monster’s skull. You turned to go retrieve it but Daryl was faster, passing it to you after cleaning the gore in his shirt.

“Thanks…” You murmured, ignoring him when he called your name softly again and turning to go back to the camp. “I can go alone.”

It wasn’t true, though, and you knew it, if you encountered a group of walkers you wouldn’t stand a chance but at that moment you were too upset. Daryl said nothing but kept following you.

You didn’t speak to each other during that day but the accident didn’t leave your mind. You regretted having yelled at Daryl but you stood by what you had said, what he had done was dangerous and he could have ended up hurt or worse, and it’d have been partially your fault. You’d been scared about the monster attacking you, sure you had been, but not as much as when you had seen it snapping at Daryl and at the idea of it managing to bite him.

You didn’t like how you had left things with him, though, and you weren’t sure if he was angry at you or not, which made you feel anxious, but you didn’t know how to approach him or what to say, though Carol kept encouraging you to just go and talk to him.

That night while he kept watch you decided to talk to him. You wrapped a blanket around you and walked outside, finding Daryl sitting down on a log. You doubted about approaching him for another second, feeling anxious and nervous.

Daryl seemed to hear you, though, he looked back and spotted you. Deciding it’d be more awkward to turn and leave now that he had seen you, you made your way to him and sat down at the other end of the log, though you couldn’t find words to speak.

“Thought you were mad.” Daryl murmured after a moment of awkward silence.

“Not really…” You said softly. “And you?”

Daryl shook his head no.

“But I yelled at you,” you insisted and Daryl just shrugged. “That wasn’t okay.”

“You were scared.”

“Sure I was! That was dangerous, Daryl!”

“Told you, I had it, wasn’t gonna let go of it.” Daryl murmured quietly. “Wasn’t gonna let it hurt you.”

“You can’t be sure with those things! It could have bit you, it could have scratched you!” You felt a lump in your throat thinking about that. “And what if I didn’t manage to put it down?!”

“You managed.” Daryl just shrugged, looking at you sideways for a second. “You can kill them but you’re too scared to try, I wanted you to not be scared about it bitting you so you could do it. Thought it’d be easier for you.”

You guessed that knowing Daryl had the monster held and that he wasn’t going to let it go might have made you feel less scared of it, but it hadn’t, not matter it made sense in Daryl’s head. The monster had been easier to kill with Daryl holding it back, though, that was sure.

“I was scared anyway, I was terrified.” You admitted, not caring if it made you a coward.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured, barely audible.

“No, just…thanks for trying…” You let out a sigh.

“But you killed it,” Daryl said, finally looking at you. “So you can do it.”

“Something tells me it’s not going to be that easy when you’re not holding it back.” You replied, though you were grateful for his words and you gave him a small smile.

“It won’t, but you’ll manage,” Daryl assured you. “You said you were scared but you killed it anyway, you’re brave.” He added quietly.

Daryl was still looking away from you and you were grateful as you found yourself close to tears. You’d never considered yourself brave at all and you couldn’t recall anyone ever telling you that you were.

“Thanks…”

You whispered, swallowing hard, and before you could stop yourself you leaned over to plant a quick kiss on his cheek. He froze, looking at you startled before averting eyes, his cheeks blushing just like yours.

“Sorry.” You said quietly, noticing how awkward and stiff he was.

“It’s fine…” He mumbled, fidgeting.

“I don’t know how could you just hold a monster like that, aren’t you scared of them at all?” You asked, trying to cut through the awkwardness.

Dary just shrugged and you remembered the first time you’d talked with him, he’d told you he wasn’t scared of walkers. You still didn’t understand how he did it but you didn’t like it, you didn’t want him going around been unafraid and reckless and ending up hurt.

“Well, you should be, you know what they can do. You have to be more careful, I don’t want you ending up hurt.”

Daryl looked at you at that but you averted your eyes, feeling a bit embarrassed although you didn’t know why. You cared for Dary, that was sure, and you thought he knew, you hoped so. But still, saying it aloud made you feel a bit flustered somehow, no matter it was evident you wouldn’t want any of your friends ending  up hurt or worse.

“I..erm…don’t want to see you hurt either…so…wasn’t going to let the walker hurt you…just want you to learn to protect yourself…so yeah…”

You looked at him, smiling, but now it was Daryl who was looking away and stumbling over words until he finally tailed off. You felt like hugging him, thankful for his words, thankful he cared about you too, but after you had awkwardly kissed his cheek you didn’t want to push him more, knowing it’d make him uncomfortable.

You both stayed silent again and after a while your eyelids began to feel heavy.

“Go to sleep,” Daryl told you when he sawed you yawning.

“You okay alone here?”

“Yeah.”

You thought for a moment, you didn’t want him to have to keep watch alone but you knew he could take care of it, besides Rick was keeping watch at the other side of the cabin too, and your eyes were closing.

“Alright then,” you said, yawning again and getting up. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

You let go of your blanket to wrap it around Daryl’s shoulders. He looked up at you at that, seeming confused for a second before giving you a crooked smile that gave you the odd impulse of wanting to lean down and kiss his cheek again. You didn’t, though, turning and rushing back to the cabin, shivering at the cold winter wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…I really don’t know with whom I agree more about this argument, with the reader or with Daryl, what about you?
> 
> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about this!


	7. Chapter 7

It wasn’t a surprise when in a couple days a herd of walkers stumbled to your cabin and forced you to leave.

A couple walkers got caught on the wire near the cars and you went with Carol to put them down with your knives. The monster snapped and reached out for you, it kept trying to get to you which made the wire cut disgustingly through the flesh of its waist but the wire held it good enough for you to put it down easily enough. You didn’t think it counted as putting a walker down by knife yourself, since not Daryl but the wire had held it back.

The days after losing that cabin were hard. The road you had meant to follow was blocked by cars and walkers, and so you were forced to retreat and set camp in the woods since you couldn’t find any other place.

You had to left most of your wire at the cabin, not time to pick it up, so you couldn’t set a perimeter around the camp, making everyone be on edge and paranoid of every nearby sound in case it were walkers, no matter there were always a couple people on watch.

You all were awake when walkers reached your camp, ready to fight them off.

You were finding it hard to breathe, youre heart beating fast, scared, your hands were shaking as you gripped your knife tight, which was why you were surprised you actually managed to put down a walker.

The monster was getting close and so you gathered all your courage and stepped in, grabbing it and dodging its reaching hands as you tried to keep it in place and sink your knife into its head. You’d always told Maggie during your playful fights that she struggled too much but the walker actually struggled almost as hard as her, and for a moment you thought you weren’t going to be able to do it, but finally you were.

You were so surprised yourself that you almost fell down pulled by its dead weight and you let go of your knife.

“Y/N!” Daryl called for you urgently and you noticed a walker reaching out to you.

You stepped on the dead one, yanking at your knife to retrieve it, but Maggie came to your aid, putting the walker down.

“Thanks.”

“Look at that, I’m like so proud of you!”

Maggie grinned at you, placing an arm around your shoulders to pull you close. You felt close to tears at her words, you didn’t think none had ever told you they were proud of you. Maggie stopped smiling when she noticed your watery eyes.

“You okay?!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just…” You wrapped your arms around her, holding her close for a moment. “Thanks.”

Maggie smiled to you and kissed your cheek before pulling away and going to check on Glenn.

You began helping to dispose the bodies but stopped when Daryl approached you.

“Nothing was holding it now…told you that you could.” He said quietly, looking at you for a second before dropping his gaze down.

You beamed at him, still exultant for your achievement. It might be small, but for you it meant the world, and you had made Maggie proud, maybe even Daryl, you couldn’t help how happy you were feeling.

“Thanks!”

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, holding him, unsurprised when you felt him stiff but you couldn’t help yourself. You were about to pull away when you felt his hands on your waist, not quite holding you but not pushing you away.

He did pull back after a couple seconds and you were to apologize but you saw him smirking to you, seeming a bit awkward but not as uncomfortable as you had thought he would and so you just smiled at him before you both kept helping get rid of the monsters’ bodies.

For then on, you began helping everytime walkers got into your camps. You kept camping in the woods for a few days, fighting the monsters and the cold as best as possible, huddled together at night next to the small fire, barely managing to sleep through chattering teeth.

You had woken up curled up to Maggie, who was also cuddled up to Glenn, and you were awkwardly joking about it being another level of third wheeling when Daryl announced he’d found a warehouse ahead while hunting.

It was rather small and dirty, dilapidated even, but it was a place to hole up nonetheless. Location wasn’t ideal either, it was close to the road and by now you all knew walkers tended to roam the roads in herds. But still, it was better than keep camping in the woods and it might be safe for a couple of days.

After clearing the place, you went to inspect the surroundings to check if there was any other threat or maybe something useful.

“There’s a creek right there.” Carol pointed, coming out of the woods with Daryl and Hershel. “And I think I’m not talking only for myself when I say we should do some laundry.” Truth be told, all your clothes were quite dirty by now, after all this time going from place to place and running through the woods. “And if someone’s brave enough to actually take a bath…”

“Are you?” You teased, already shivering at the idea of getting into the freezing water, no matter you felt disgusting.

“After you.” Carol chuckled.

“Wouldn’t that be fun, there are flesh-eating monsters everywhere but I get to die of pneumonia because I bathed in freezing water.”

“I don’t care my hair’s dripping oil, I’m not getting in there!” Beth grimaced.

“We can be disgusting together.” You offered, laughing.

“You all just like to complain,” Daryl grumbled after flopping down onto the ground to skin a rabbit he seemed to have caught.

“Well, I don’t see you running to the water either.” You retorted, chuckling. Your stomach had turned the first time you had seen him getting his kills ready to eat, but by now you were used to it.

“Anyway, get everything you want to wash here.” Carol had already sorted a box and was walking into the warehouse with it. “And I’m washing that shirt or I’m throwing you to the creek, you decide.” She turned to warn Daryl, who just rolled his eyes.

“I think that’s a lost cause by now.” You giggled, nodding towards Daryl whose shirt was full of dried walker’s blood stains.

You settled your things down and began rummaging through your scarce clothes, deciding to wash most of it since you didn’t know when you’d have to leave and when would you be near another source of water. It left you only with a pair of leggings and a tank top to wear, which weren’t that warm, so you decided to keep the sweater too and hoped your warmer clothes would dry fast.

You heard Maggie chuckling next to you.

“You want me to hold a towel around you while you change like we’re in a swimming pool or something?”  She teased as she saw you holding the clothes you wanted to wear and looking around helplessly at the lack of rooms.

“Wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

It wasn’t like at some point you hadn’t had to change clothes around the others, considering you’d been a long while together in close quarters now, but still, it was totally awkward for you.

“At least you’re not starting to look like a whale,” Lori complained.

“Lori! You look great!”

Her baby bump was starting to show and it was clear she wasn’t enjoying it. You guessed it was a more visual reminder of her condition and considering your precarious situation, going from place to place without being able to settle down, it was normal it worried her and scared her.

You all worried too, seeing her belly growing while the rest of her frame and her face grew thinner, but none of you ever commented on it and you all always tried to keep her spirit high.

Once you were ready you took the almost full basket of laundry to help Carol and went looking for Dary.

“I think Carol was not joking when she said she’d throw you to the freezing water so-”

You stopped in your tracks when you saw Daryl’d taken off the shirt Carol wanted to wash and was going through his bag, probably looking for another. You didn’t mean to stare but it was the first time that you saw his back since that time when he’d been bedridden and you realized you’d been wrong about his scars. He’d more than you had seen, covering his full back, and they were worse than you had imagined, deep and clearly intentional.

Daryl looked up at you, startled, his muscles tensing as he froze for a second before he took a shirt out of his bag and threw it over his head quick.

“I’m sorry…” You quickly apologized.

“It’s nothing.” He mumbled, looking away and seemingly totally uncomfortable.

You didn’t know what to say or what to do, but you couldn’t just stay there awkwardly in silence so you went to pick up his discarded shirt, getting it into the laundry basket.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, still not looking at you.

“If you have something else you want to wash, just throw it there.”

“You going to the creek alone?” He looked at you sideways before looking away again.

“With Carol, and I think T-Dog’s coming too.”

Daryl just nodded in silence.

You tried to focus on your chores for the rest of the day but Daryl’s scars kept coming to your mind all the time. You wondered how he had gotten them or rather who had done that to him, and why. But of course, you weren’t going to ask.

You didn’t dare to bathe in the creek, none did, the water totally freezing. Carl tried, though, and regretted it pretty fast. You had to be content with washing yourself as good as possible with a wet towel and even that gave you goosebumps, it took you a while of sharing a heavy blanket with Carol and Beth until you three stopped shivering.

Late that evening you were still snuggled in a blanket cocoon when you saw Carol walking inside too and making her own cocoon after having been keeping Daryl company for a little bit while he kept watch.

Any other evening you wouldn’t have doubted about getting up and go talk to him, or just sit next to him, especially if like now you weren’t feeling like sleeping, but now you found yourself unsure of what to do, still awkward about what had happened earlier.

But nothing had happened, not really, just an awkward moment in a million of other awkward moments that were bound to happen when you lived with people with barely room for any privacy at all, it wasn’t the first time you’d walked into someone changing or someone walked into you, and probably it wouldn’t be the last.

And so, you called yourself silly and decided to go and join him like always. Still, when you flopped down next to him you felt awkward again. You began fidgeting, trying to think about anything to talk about but not finding words, while trying to ignore all the questions that flooded your mind.

“What?” Daryl asked curtly after a short while, noticing something was off with you.

“Nothing…” You murmured, not sounding very convincing.

“It’s cos earlier?” He said, sounding defensive. “Cos I need no pity, so…”

“I’m not pitying you…” You rushed to assure, hoping Daryl wasn’t mad at you. “Didn’t mean to pry, I’m sorry.”

“It ain’t a secret or nothing.” He looked at you from the corner of his eye before looking away again.

Still, if you thought about it you could never recall Daryl changing or taking his shirt off in front of anyone, no matter he said it wasn’t a secret. You guessed he didn’t like the pity. You guessed he didn’t like the questions that his scars might arise, either. That, you could understand.

You were still fidgeting, though, and Daryl let out a tired sigh.

“Just say whatever you want to.”

You blushed, embarrassed at Daryl reading you so easily. Still, asking him for his scars was too personal and something you were sure he didn’t feel like talking about.

“First time I saw your shoulder, when you were hurt at the farm, I thought you’d gotten hurt by a walker, or fighting them or something.” You finally said, not wanting to ask him directly but also not wanting to just stay silent and make everything even more awkward. “I was silly, wasn’t I?”

Daryl didn’t say anything but raised an eyebrow, giving you a look that confirmed you how stupid he thought it was.

“In my defense, I didn’t know much about those things back then!” You couldn’t help but chuckle. “But… I don’t know, it was the first time I met people who had been living out there surrounded by the monsters, I thought you were all day fighting them and what not, I thought you had gotten hurt like that…knowing you all had been surviving out there just with those tents, you were kind of warriors to me.”

Daryl snorted quietly, giving you an amused smirk.

“You’re right, you sound silly.”

“Shut it.” You nudged him playfully with your shoulder. “Now we don’t even have tents…”

“But we’re all day fighting dead assholes.”

“So maybe I wasn’t that silly after all.” You laughed quietly, feeling some kind of satisfaction when you saw Daryl smirk again.

Soon, though, he had turned serious again. He kept casting you sideways glances though he wouldn’t look at you, and you wondered what was going through his mind.

“I didn’t get them fighting.” Daryl finally said, barely above a whisper. “My father did it.”

You hadn’t expected that and you were taken aback. You could just look at him in silence but he was looking down. He hadn’t really spoken to you much about his father but you knew he’d not only neglected him as a child but also you knew he had abused him, though you hadn’t known the extent of it. It was worse than what you had imagined.

The idea that someone who was supposed to love him and care for him had done something so horrible to him, besides all the other horrible things you probably didn’t know about, made you want to cry.

You couldn’t imagine how he might feel about it…though someone who was supposed to love you had hurt you too, even if you hadn’t still come to terms with it, so maybe you could understand it a tiny bit.

No wonder you’d always noticed how flinchy and jumpy Daryl was sometimes, no wonder he was so guarded and reserved. And yet he was so caring and kind…he didn’t deserve anything like that, much less by the hand of his own father.

Carefully, you sat up on your knees to slowly wrap your arms around him, ready to pull back if he didn’t want you to or if you felt you were making him uncomfortable.

“Told you, I need to pity.” He repeated though he leaned into you ever so slightly.

“It’s not pity.”

It was a wish to comfort him and take his pain away, though you weren’t sure it was possible. You held him close to you for a short moment before pulling away. He went back to avert his eyes, looking away from you and seeming awkward, though you were more than grateful he had shared something like that with you and had let you hold him close for comfort.

You tried to think about something to say, something to talk about, anything to stop the awkwardness that was creeping in again and to take Daryl’s mind away from whatever bad memories the conversation might have brought him.

“By the way, your shirt was a lost cause the blood wouldn’t come out.” Was the only lame thing that came up to your brain.

“I don’t care.” Daryl shrugged.

“It might be helpful to deceive walkers…if it weren’t so dry.” You joked. “Have Glenn or Rick told you about that time they covered themselves full with walker’s blood and guts, and whatnot, to try and walk through them?”

Daryl hummed a no, finally looking at you.

“Want me to tell it to you?” You offered, smiling, and there was again that feeling of satisfaction at seeing his small, crooked smile.

“Yeah.”

Halfway through the story, you let your head rest on his shoulder. The first time you had done that he had shrugged you off, startled and awkward, but by now he didn’t seem to mind and so you let yourself remain curled up to him even after you finished the story, both of you silent again although the awkwardness was gone.

You hadn’t meant to fall asleep and you didn’t realize you had until you woke up. The first thing you noticed was the warmth that surrounded you and how you weren’t cold for once. Slowly, you realized you were snuggled to Daryl and he’d wrapped an arm around you, keeping you close and warm.

You smiled drowsily, enjoying the feeling of comfort and not waking up shivering cold for once, but when Daryl noticed you were waking up he pulled his arm back. Regretfully, you shifted away from him, noticing that now that you were awake he seemed to be feeling a bit awkward at the proximity.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” You apologized, feeling guilty though you couldn’t help but keep smiling, you didn’t remember sleeping that well and not being cold since losing the farm.

“It’s fine.” Daryl murmured quietly.

“You’ve been awake all night,” you said as you yawned and stretched, noticing the sun rising at the east. “Go have some sleep.”

“I wanted to go hunting.”

“You barely sleep at all, you can’t keep going like that.” You pointed at the dark circles under his eyes, Daryl kept more watches than anyone but Rick and when not then he was off hunting or on runs, you didn’t know how he could run with so little sleep. “Come on, just a nap.” You added when he frowned.

Daryl seemed to think it for a couple of seconds but then he was nodding.

“Alright.”

You got onto your feet, wrapping the blanket more tightly around you now that the cold hit you again. You found yourself wishing Daryl sill had his arm around you and you turned your back to him so he couldn’t see your cheeks blushing, getting a bit flustered at the idea, though you didn’t really understand why.

“I’m going to see if I can find something for breakfast.”

You announced, thankful Daryl couldn’t read your thoughts even though sometimes it seemed he did, and you began walking back into the warehouse, Daryl following you.

You tried to stop yourself but since then, when you sat down to keep watch and he joined you, or when you settled to sleep, you caught yourself wondering how it’d be to get to sleep snuggled with Daryl each night, feeling safe and warm.

It was weird to have such thoughts about him, you knew, and it made you feel like a creep. The idea of him finding out about it embarrassed you to no end and so you tried, again and again, to stop your stubborn imagination from getting out of hand.

Still, you found yourself daydreaming again after waking up one morning, unable to fight the chills that run through your body even curled up with a blanket.

Your eyes darted to Glenn and Daryl, who were awake too, studying a map. Daryl looked up, his eyes finding yours and you looked down, flustered. You were making a fool out of yourself all time now, you chastised yourself.

Daryl got up and made his way to you. You couldn’t help but worry, wondering if he was going to tell you off, maybe angry after catching you staring at him randomly a couple of times. You knew it was silly to think like that, he was Daryl and your friend, and nothing but kind to you, but still, you seemed to never be able to control your anxious thoughts and silly fears.

“Morning,” he told you, taking you a bit aback as you expected him to grumble at you in annoyance. “I’m going on a run with Glenn and Maggie to check a place we saw on the map, it’s down that road we know it’s not too blocked.” You nodded in acknowledgment. “Wanna come?”

Your brow furrowed as you looked up at him. Sure, you had been helping to put walkers down whenever they stumbled into your camps but a run felt different…you were afraid you’d mess it up and end up being a nuisance for the others or putting them in danger…but also a part of you wanted to go and help in runs too.

“You don’t have to,” Daryl added, noticing your doubts.

“No, I’ll go. It’s time I make myself useful.”

“You’re useful already.”

Daryl was frowning at you as if confused and you looked down, flustered when your stomach did a strange flip at his words. Thankfully, Daryl didn’t seem to notice.

“All right, get ready, the sooner we leave the better.”

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re going on a run next chapter!
> 
> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about this!


	8. Chapter 8

****

Apparently, when Glenn and Daryl had said the road was not too blocked what they meant was that you could carefully drive through the abandoned cars, dodging the stranded walkers that roamed close.

They weren’t enough to be a problem and you were safe inside the car but you held your breath watching Daryl zigzag through the cars, leading you on his bike. You gasped aloud when a walker reached out for him but Daryl drove past it like nothing.

Maggie chuckled at that. “He’ll be fine, he’s used to it.”

You wondered why Daryl always went on his bike even if there was space in the car. No matter how much he loved the bike, you thought it was too much of a risk. He didn’t seem to share your opinion, he’d already brushed off your concern when you told him earlier, but seeing the walkers reaching our for him was wrecking your nerves.

Maggie was right, though, none of the walkers got to grab him. Glenn was driving slow, carefully maneuvering through walkers and cars, and Maggie opened her window and began sinking the knife into the heads of the closer monsters, and you followed her lead.

Eventually, you reached your destination, a big service area with a gas station, a small candies and gifts store, and a restaurant area. There seemed to have been a fire at the gas station and some burned and almost charred walkers were lying on the ground.

“That’s disgusting…” You said as you got out the car. “But with how big this place is we ought to find something.”

There were some walkers roaming around that began stumbling towards you. Maggie unsheathed her knife and made her way to them, followed by Glenn, while Daryl stayed slightly behind to shoot arrows at the monsters. You took your knife too, feeling a bit unsure about how to proceed but you sank it into the closer monster’s head before sending it to the ground with a kick, yanking back your knife.

“Well done!” Maggie told you without stopping pushing forwards.

With a whistle, one of Daryl’s arrows embedded itself deep into the head of another walker which was getting close to you and then you felt Daryl’s hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t get behind.”

He warned you, shouldering his crossbow in favor of his knife, sinking it into another monster’s head, following Maggie and Glenn while you did the same until all the walkers were put down.

“Alright…” Maggie surveyed the place, hands on her hips, before looking at Glenn. “I say Glenn and I go to the gifts store and Daryl and Y/N to the gas station.”

“Alright, let’s go.” Glenn nodded.

You followed Daryl to the gas station, scrunching your nose at the smell of the burned walkers. It seemed all of them had died like that, and you yelped startled when a half-charred one opened its eyes with a small growl, reaching out and grabbing Daryl’s ankle. He yanked his leg away from its grip as nothing, kicking the monster on the face.

“Careful,” you said quietly, bending down to sink your knife in the head of the walker.

“It doesn’t have legs,” Daryl replied, not even looking at it.

“It can still bite and scratch.” You retorted.

You scooped around the outside but couldn’t find anything useful, the place seemed to have been raided, and so you made your way to the front door of the small store. Daryl knocked on the glass and in a second, a walker began banging it and growling from the other side.

You looked at Daryl in silence, waiting for instructions. He tried the handler of the door, not locked.

“Alright, you yank the door open, hide behind it and I put it down as it goes out, alright?”

“What if there’s more than one in there?” You asked, unsure, scared of opening the door and a bunch of walkers falling on Daryl.

“Nah…” Daryl looked through the dirty window into the dark store, ignoring the thuds of the walker inside. “I think that’s the only one. Come on.”

“Okay…okay…” You took a deep breath. “Three, two, one…”

You yanked the door open, making sure to get behind it, and a walker stumbled out but Daryl quickly grabbed it by the neck and put it down. It wasn’t wearing the uniform of the gas station and you guessed it might have been a client or maybe someone who went scavenging and got bitten…you tried not to think much about who walkers had been before, though.

“Done.”

Daryl walked in first, crossbow ready, while you followed him lighting the inside of the store with your lantern. The place was a mess, it had obviously been scavenged before and everything that hadn’t been taken from the shelves was littering the floor…nothing useful though.

“Alright, I think we’re clear,” Daryl said when no other walker showed up and you couldn’t hear any noise. “Don’t get far.”

“This place’s too small for that anyway.”

It was a single corridor, rather small, and what you guessed was a backroom behind the counter. You made your way to the fridge, which unsurprisingly was almost empty too. Some rotten premade sandwiches and a couple cans of cheap beer was all you could find, beside some precooked meals. You took one but the quality was questionable, it might not look rotten like the sandwiches but you thought it was more than probable that they were bad too. With a disappointed sigh, you decided not to take them, afraid it’d end up poisoning you.

“I hope Glenn and Maggie are having more luck…did you find anything?” You asked Daryl, who was behind the counter.

“Nah. Just money.”

“Just money…that’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear…” You said and Daryl chuckled quietly.

There were some magazines on the floor and you began picking some of them at random and stuffing them inside your bag, maybe somebody’d like to read them, take their mind off your less than ideal life for a bit, have something to do during some of those tedious evenings.

Daryl raised his eyebrows at you at that.

“What, we don’t have books or nothing, I thought people might like them.” You said. “But alright, I guess you won’t be asking me if I can lend you this…” You teased, picking one about motorbikes and waving it in front of him.” Guess I won’t take it, I don’t have that much room left.” You were already stuffing it inside your mostly empty bag.

Daryl said nothing, just gave you a smirk, getting a gun he seemed to have found somewhere behind the counter inside his bag. He tried the handler of the door of the back room but it was looked.

“Maybe we’ll find something better there,” you said, trying to stay hopeful.

“See if you can find the key,” Daryl told you and you both began rummaging through the counter again. “It can’t be this one…wouldn’t fit.” He showed you a tiny, old key he had found.

“Oh, it’s so lovely!”

You squealed and Daryl looked at you weird. You blushed in embarrassment and rushed to explain yourself, though you weren’t sure if you weren’t just about to embarrass yourself even more.

“When I was a little girl my grandmother used to have a lot of really, really old keys, from her old house and furniture at the village where she used to live, I thought all those keys were beautiful, kind of magical you know, being that old, I thought they had to open a lot of secrets…” You began explaining, fidgeting and half expecting Daryl’d laugh at you for being so silly and think like that about simple keys, but he seemed to be genuinely interested in what you were saying.

“So eventually my grandmother gave them to me before she passed and  I began collecting old keys, had quite a good collection…” You smiled a bit melancholic at the memories, you hadn’t thought about it for years, and you felt your heart ache when you thought about your missing family.

You swallowed hard, trying to stop your emotions from showing, not wanting to embarrass yourself more. Daryl seemed to notice, though, because he reached out to squeeze your arm softly, and you gave him a small smile before you kept talking.

“Anyway, I left them at my parent’s home when I got married and moved, I thought a couple times about going to get them and keep the collection or start a new one, but my husband said it was stupid cos you know, they’re just keys, a waste of space…I too know it’s a silly thing…” You shrugged, giving Daryl an embarrassed smile, but his face was serious. “But I think I have enough authority on keys to say that tiny one is quite a lovely one.” You awkwardly joked.

Daryl was frowning at the key and then he passed it to you.

“Take it if you like it.”

“No, I know it’s silly…” You said softly, twirling the key. “Gonna see if I can find what it opens, though.”

“Gonna try picking the lock.”

While Daryl worked on that you looked around the counter again until you found a small metal box half hidden in a drawer. You tried the key and it worked but there was nothing you could consider useful inside, just some handwritten letters, a couple of old pictures, tickets from the cinema…someone’s life memories. It made you feel melancholic again.

You closed it carefully and went to join Daryl, who was still fighting against the lock until you heard a click.

“Alright…”

“Do you think there are no walkers inside?” You asked worriedly before he could open the door.

“Nah, they’d be banging the door at the noise.”

Turned out the room was so small only one of you could get in, but inside Daryl found stored a couple of cans of gasoline.

“Ricks gonna like this,” Hel said, finally giving you a full smile.

“Are we ready?”

“I’m gonna give the place a last scoop, go out and see if Glenn and Maggie are ready too.

You frowned at him, you two had already combed the tiny place, but nodded and followed his instructions, walking out just in time to see Glenn and Maggie walking out the other store. You waved to them and they began walking to the main building but you wanted to wait for Daryl before joining them. He was out after not even a minute.

“Alright, come on,” he said, placing a hand on the small of your back to guide you to the others as you stepped through charred walkers again.

“Did you find something useful?” You asked hopefully to Maggie and Glenn.

“Well…I got a bag full of candy.” Glenn showed you a plastic bag with different kinds of candies in it. “But I think they’re questionable…I thought it’d make Carl happy, though.”

“And my sister, probably.” Maggie smiled fondly.

“They make me happy too.” You chuckled. “I call dibs on that toffees.”

“Also a couple cheap sunglasses…” Maggie showed you the neon pink and yellow sunglasses that none had bothered taking already. “This couple of scarves…” Those were less hideous. “And I picked up some books so we can have something to read.”

“I picked up magazines too!” You said, looking pointedly at Daryl, who smirked. “I got one about babies for Lori, I’m not sure if she’ll like it or if she’ll throw it to my head…”

All in all, your haul didn’t seem that impressive and you were a little disappointed.

“This’s normal, sometimes we come from runs empty-handed, I know it’s frustrating,” Glenn told you. “But we still have to scoop that area.”

The door was locked from the outside with several metal bars, to keep the walkers inside, you guessed, you could already hear them banging the doors, and you helped the others remove the bars though you were quite unsure about how to deal with the monsters inside. You trusted the others knew what to do, though.

They stopped when there was only a bar left and you recoiled as the door shook dangerously under the pushes of the monsters.

“Alright…you two push the door close and try to let it open just a little, so only a walker can poke its head out and I put them down one by one,” Maggie instructed, talking to Glenn and Daryl. “What do you want to do? Push the door or help me with the walkers?” She turned to you.

“I…I don’t know.” You shrugged helplessly. “You sure about this? What if they can’t hold the door and all the walkers get outside at the same time, they’d all fall on you.”

“We have done it before, it’ll be fine,” Glenn reassured you, though you were still rather uncertain.

“Alright…” Maggie was looking at you as if in deep thought. “You get behind with your gun in case more walkers get out and we can’t handle it, you put down the most you can.”

You nodded though you feel a bit unsure about shooting walkers in such proximity to your friends, afraid of missing and hitting one of them instead.

“Pitty I can’t use your crossbow, it’d be silent.” You told Daryl while he got ready for his part of the plan.

Luckily, you didn’t need to shot as the others carried on with the plan without accidents, Glenn and Daryl pushing the door so only one or two walkers could get their heads through it, only to have Maggie putting them down as they did. You couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place, but you shook off the feeling.

The area was big, with some corpses on the floor, and it was full of tables, more corpses sitting down or lying on them, some half eaten, and you wondered how they had died, most seeming to have been shot on the head.

To the left there seemed to be the kitchen and bar area and to the right, there was a staircase.

“What do you think there’s on the other floor?” You asked quietly and Maggie shrugged.

“More tables? What if Glenn and I go check it and you two scoop this floor, we can go to the kitchen together later.”

You all nodded and while Glenn and Maggie made their way to the stairs, Daryl placed a hand on your shoulder to guide you with him.

“Wait, why don’t you go to the bar and I go through the tables, see if I can find something useful?” You told him.

“You sure?” He looked at you uncertain.

“They’re all dead right?” You pointed at the corpses. “Doesn’t seem to be any walker around…I can do it.”

Daryl seemed to think it for a bit, seeming unsure, but finally nodded. “Don’t stray, stay where I can see you.”

“Sure thing.”

A couple of the corpses had suitcases and big bags with them, and you began rummaging through them, trying not to think much about going through dead people’s stuff. You got some very basic first aid kits and some hygiene products that you were sure everyone would appreciate and then began to chose the clothes that you thought would be the most useful and would suit the most of you.

You were a bit startled when you heard some growling and you turned around to see a walker coming from the corridor that led to the bathrooms.

“Got it.” You told Daryl, as loud as you dared, so he wouldn’t worry too much and kept scavenging through the bar. You grabbed the walker roughly and sank your knife into its head.

There were some more growling and you saw another one coming from down the corridor, so you went to put it down too.

“Y/N,” You heard Daryl’s voice coming from the main area as you turned the corner of the corridor. “Stay here.”

“It’s okay, there’s only one more, it’s fine.”

You assured, already reaching out to grab it by the neck. When it struggled, though, part of the skin and part of the meat came off, making your hand slip and sink into the disgusting goo. You barely had time to feel disgusted by it, as the monster’s hands grabbed you and it snapped at you.

You didn’t quite manage to get a good hold of it and not knowing what else to do, you lifted your machete and hit it as hard as you could into the monster’s forehead, sinking it in. There was a sickening crack but the walker stopped moving, your knife reaching the brain.

From the corner of your eye, you saw another one stumbling to you and panic rushed through you when you tried to yank back your knife and you couldn’t, the hit seemed to have embedded it too deep into the skull and it was stuck.

Panicking, you stepped on the corpse to hold it down while you yanked at your knife until the other walker was on you. You grabbed its wrist, struggling to keep its claws away, recoiling as it began to snap and try to bit you, until your back hit the wall.

You tried to push it away but it was strong, you were grunting at the effort of stopping its hands from grabbing you while dodging its snaps, your brain working at full speed as you tried to  think how to end it, trying not to let your anxiety overcome you as it screamed to you that this was your end.

No matter how much you pushed it back, the walker wouldn’t relent, neither as you tried hitting his stomach with your knee, hard as you tried you weren’t managing to overpower it and you couldn’t think og a way of getting away from it and killing it without any weapon.

“Y/N!”

Suddenly the walker stopped struggling and fell on you, pushing you against the wall. You pushed it hard away from you and when it fell on the floor you realized it was dead with an arrow in his head.

You looked up and saw Daryl rushing to you, grabbing your arms when he reached you.

“Are you okay? It didn’t bit you, did it?” He asked frantically and you shook your head, finding it hard to speak. “I told you not to stray!”

“I’m sorry…” You said weakly, guilty tears threatening to fall down your eyes.

“It’s okay.” Daryl let out a sigh and pulled you to him, wrapping his arms around you as you snuggled to him, burying your face on his chest.

“Thanks.” You whispered, slowly calming down, and you felt his lips on your forehead.

“Y/N, are you okay?! What happened?!”

You heard Maggie’s panicked voice, she and Glenn seemed to have heard the commotion and they had rushed down, running to you and looking from the walkers to you and Daryl, who pulled away from you.

“I’m okay.”  You assured though you were still shaking and Maggie held you tight as you told her about the walkers you had encountered.

“You put them down?” She asked you.

“Just those two, Daryl killed that one, he saved me, my knife got stuck…” You explained, ashamed, even though nobody seemed to be blaming you for anything, they just seemed worried.

“How you managed to get it so stuck?” Glenn asked, trying to pull your machete out the walker’s skull, tanking him a few times until he managed, and you shrugged helplessly.

Back in the main area, you felt a bit better and less useless as you showed the others the stuff you had gotten from the suitcases.  Together you made your way into the kitchen, which was big and thankfully free of walkers. It took you all a bit of scooping around but finally, you managed to find a few cans of food and some dried vegetables that you hoped had been well preserved inside their hermetic packages.

“I’d say this had been quite a good run,” Glenn said cheerfully as you all got your haul into the car. “Food, gas, medical and hygiene supplies…we’ll be good for a bit.”

“Yeah,” Maggie wrapped an arm around your shoulders, noticing you weren’t as happy, you were still berating yourself for what had happened with the walkers. “Let’s go back to the camp.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it could have been worse, couldn’t it? Next chapter, we’ll see if those candies are edible…and we’ll see more talks between reader and Daryl. I’m sorry if some of you feel this story is moving slow, but I really enjoyed writing it like that.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about this!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter we went to a run an after a bit of trouble, we’re back to camp… This chapter is short but sweet…suspciciously sweet?

Back to the warehouse, you didn’t feel like telling anyone about your accident with the walker, especially to Rick, ashamed and afraid the others would think you too useless to go on runs.

Logically, you knew it was silly to think like that and that probably they’d only worry about you, but neither you wanted them gushing over you and asking you if you were okay and what had happened. That wouldn’t help you forget.

You’d been too embarrassed to ask Maggie, Daryl, or Glenn to not mention your accident to the others, so one they began telling everyone about the run you braced yourself for it, but to your relief, they didn’t mention it and everyone seemed content enough with your haul.

As Daryl’d said, Rick’s face lighted up when he saw the cans of gas and immediately he was back to inspect a map, trying to find more and better places where the group could stay…somewhere permanent maybe. You didn’t dare to have much hope, afraid of having it crushed again and again.

Carl and Beth attacked the bag of candies and so did you, taking one of the toffees and spitting it right away.

“Not good?” Carol asked teasingly after Carl and Beth did the same.

“It tastes like if you made a candy out of mold.” You complained, eyeing the big bag of candy with sad eyes. “Such a waste…”

At least the cans of food and bags of dried vegetables were edible and your mouth watered a bit as Carol began rummaging through them and telling you the soup she planned on doing for dinner.  You were in an abandoned, dilapidated warehouse in the middle of nowhere, during the apocalypse, in a damn cold winter, and you were going to dine hot soup…you had to count yourself lucky.

You were proud when everyone celebrated the first aid kits and hygiene products you had found, deeming them more than useful and totally necessary.

You got the magazines out of your bag too, wondering where you could keep them along with the books and deciding probably an empty box inside the trunk of one of the cars was the closest thing you were going to get to a library.

Lori had flinched a bit when she laid eyes on the magazine about babies, but later you saw her whipping through it and you hoped it had something useful…though probably nothing about how to deal with a pregnancy and motherhood during the apocalypse.

That night, after dinning on Carol’s delicious soup, you tried to sleep but after an hour of tossing and turning in your sleeping bag without falling asleep, you decided to get up.

You sat down outside the warehouse, shivering a bit as the cold air hit you but hoping to maybe watch the stars for a bit or something, anything that maybe could help you relax. Anything that wasn’t be lying down trying to sleep through anxious thoughts and images of that walker snapping at you, cornering you against a wall, of your hand dipping into the goo of that other one…

You looked back when you heard footsteps approaching you and you weren’t surprised to see Daryl making his way to you. He was wearing that poncho he found on a run not long ago, you’d been teasing him about it non-stop, saying how it ruined his badass biker look, but as he took it off and wrapped it over your shoulders, you couldn’t deny the fabric was warm, or maybe it was warm because Daryl had been wearing it. Either way, it was comforting.

“You okay?”

He asked quietly, squeezing your shoulders gingerly before going to sit down next to you. You nodded in silence, snuggling into the poncho.

“Yeah,” you said aloud when you noticed he was giving you worried glances from the corner of his eye. “I’m okay.”

What had happened had truly scared and shaken you, you couldn’t sleep with your mind full of images of that walker, the feeling of its touch, the realization of how close it had been… but you didn’t feel like talking about it, not even with Daryl.

You only wanted to take your mind away from it and forget. You didn’t want to go back to be so scared of the monsters that you couldn’t kill them, you didn’t want that bad experience to prevent you from going to more runs.

It was easier to take your mind away from all that with Daryl next to you, you found out unsurprised, you felt safer and calmer when he was next to you, since that first time he’d join you while you kept watch.

“I’m sorry.” Daryl murmured, taking you aback.

“About what?”

“Today…I shouldn’t have told you to come.”

“Hey, I wanted to, it was time I started going on runs too…you couldn’t know what was going to happen.” You hated the idea of Daryl maybe blaming himself for it.

“I should have known it’d be dangerous,” he said stubbornly. “I shouldn’t have left you alone, I should have made sure you were okay.”

“You did…kind of why I’m here now…”

You were sure that if Daryl hadn’t kept a close eye on you and hadn’t rushed to help you, probably you couldn’t have done anything against the walker. Maybe you could have overpowered the monster, but it wasn’t looking like that, and you had been so close to giving up…

The idea made you shiver a bit and you focused on pushing those thoughts away again. When Daryl noticed your shudder he lifted his arm as if he were going to wrap it around you but to your disappointment, he just dropped it down again. You still could tell he regretted having asked you to go with them and you could just hope he’d stop beating himself about it.

“I’m not going to let that stop me from going to more runs, I don’t want to stop.” You announced.

“You sure?” He asked, sounding worried, and you hummed a yes, nodding. “Alright…just try to always have someone close, okay?”

You nodded and wrapped the poncho more tightly around you when a burst of cold wind suddenly hit you. You stole a glance to Daryl and you knew if you asked him he’d just tell you he wasn’t cold, stubborn as he was, so without a word you lifted part of the poncho that covered your shoulders and threw it over him too.

“I ain’t cold.” He grumbled and you had to bit your lip to stop you from smiling.

“I know, just wanted to see it on you again, the colors of this fabric really bring something in you…”

You teased and he nudged you with his shoulder but gave you a small, crooked smile. You had never been one for trying to crack jokes, afraid you’d embarrass yourself, but oddly enough you felt it was easier with Daryl, somehow, no matter how serious he was always, and you always felt content when you managed to make him smile. You liked to see him smile and he didn’t do it often enough, in your opinion.

“When I say I want to keep going on runs…that is if you guys still want me to…I know I made a mistake and messed everything today…” You went to your first run and you almost got bitten, you were feeling more than a bit useless and guilty.

“Shut that, you did good today,” Daryl replied

“If you say so…” You let out a sigh.

“Accidents like that happen to anyone, it ain’t you, you did well,” Daryl assured you and you gave him a small smile, reaching out to squeeze his hand in thanks.  “Just don’t stray no more, alright?”

You had just carefully rested your head on his shoulder when you heard T-Dog giving the alarm. Time to pick up your things, walkers were approaching. Daryl got onto his feet immediately and you let out a frustrated sigh as he helped you up.

“Worse day ever.” You complained and he smirked.

“We’ve had worse.”

It didn’t take you all long to get your scarce belongings into the cars, you were used to it by now and T-Dog had given the alarm with plenty of time. By the time everything was ready to leave, the walkers were still far enough not to be a problem.

Daryl was sat down on his bike, studying a map with Rick, who looked stressed and worried, though he kind of looked like that all the time now. Daryl clapped Rick’s arm reassuringly before Rick headed to his car.

You walked to Daryl, taking off the poncho that you were still wearing to give it back.

“It’s okay, I ain’t-“

“You ain’t cold, I know.” You finished his sentence, making him smile softly. “But you’re going to freeze in that bike.”

“Alright.”

“Do we know where are we going?”

“Not really…” His smile was gone as his face turned worried. “We’re gonna just drive up the road, see if we can find something.”

You could make out the growls of the walkers now and both Daryl and you looked towards them, seeing them almost on the warehouse. Daryl reached out to squeeze your arm before giving you a gentle push towards the cars.

“Come on, we gotta go.”

You drove for hours and hours, the sun was high on the sky when you finally stopped to eat something, sharing a couple of cans of fried beans.

Maggie was sat on the hood of one of the cars, frowning at a map, Daryl standing up next to her while they talked quietly, and you made your way to them.

“Found something?”

“Not really…” Maggie let out a tired sigh. “We need better maps of this area, this’s all too general.” She complained.

You jumped onto the hood to sat down next to her but didn’t quite managed, the inclination of the hood making you slide down again, and you yelped startled.

“What the…Y/N!” Maggie exclaimed, amused, grabbing your shirt to pull you back up, helping you sit down next to her.

“Thanks…” You murmured, all flustered and blushed in embarrassment. You heard Daryl’s snicker and you nudged his leg with your foot. “Shut it…” Daryl grabbed your ankle and tugged, making you slide down the hood again. “I had just managed to sit down!” You complained with mocked annoyance.

Maggie raised an eyebrow at you two antics but said nothing, jumping off the hood.

“It’s time we get moving again anyway.” She passed the map to Daryl and signaled to Glenn and Rick, who were patrolling the perimeter, to come closer.

“I think we best follow that small road so we can stay close to the creek and have a source of water close,” Maggie told everyone.

“That means we won’t be finding any place to hole up or scavenge, though, that road’s in the middle of nowhere.” Glenn pointed.

“For all we know, main road’s probably blocked by cars or herds,” Daryl said, giving the map a last glance before folding it.

“Okay…” Rick began, frowning as if deep in thought. “We’ll follow the creek, camp in the woods again this night, and tomorrow we go on a run, try to see if any of the bigger roads are passable or if we find any place where we could stay.”

You all nodded, none had a better idea.

“We’ll manage, we’ll find something.” Rick tried to lift the spirits but it didn’t sound like he was convincing even himself.

Daryl nodded, giving his friend a small smile before you all went back to your vehicles.

None was happy to camp out in the wild again but none was going to complain, you all were doing the best that you could. But still, you knew everyone was losing hope about getting to find a permanent place to stay…at least you hoped you’d keep finding places to hole up, no matter if only for a couple days, it was better than the woods. And how was going Lori to deliver in the middle of nowhere? She wasn’t due until a couple months or so, you thought, but still…

You had camped near the creek, hoping that at least that way you wouldn’t need to worry about one of the sides of your camp, but truth be told none of you knew if walkers could swim or not.

Daryl had gone hunting as soon as you all had settled down, coming back when the sun began to go down, bringing some squirrels with him, and Carol and him made some stew for dinner with them.

Late that night, some were trying to sleep while others patroled. You were sat down, blanket around your shoulders, having given up on sleep after waking up startled at a noise that had ended up being just an owl.

Looking around in the dark you made the silhouette of Rick pacing around the perimeter of the camp. Daryl was sat down on a blanket at the other side of the camp, awake and fidgeting with some arrows, you weren’t sure if on watch duty or not.

You wanted to go and join him but were unsure about it. You kept watch together most of the nights, or just sat down together when you couldn’t sleep, and though Daryl was the one to usually approach you and made sure you were okay, sometimes you still feared you were being too clingy.

He had never behaved in any way that confirmed your worried thoughts and this time was no different, when he noticed you were awake she nodded to you, telling you silently to go sit with him.

Relieved but ignoring the way in which your stomach did strange twirls, you got up clutching your blanket and tiptoed your way to him, careful and silent so as not to wake the others. When you reached him you wrapped one end of the blanket around him, wrapping the other end back around you when you sat down next to him.

“You can’t sleep?” He asked quietly and you shook your head.

“I’m worried.”

“Didn’t see any walkers around when I was hunting, I think we’re okay for the night.” He assured you.

“It’s not that…well, not only that.”

“Then?”

“Just…” You let out a sigh, looking for words to express what you were feeling. “Is this going to be our life from now on? Running from place to place, walkers always chasing us, no place to settle down, not knowing if the next day we’ll have a roof over our heads or food, or not…and what about Lori?”

Daryl looked at you helplessly, as if he didn’t know what to tell you or how to give you comfort, and you wondered if he too worried about that.

“We’ll manage.” He finally offered you, not sounding that convincing but you appreciated the effort so you gave him a small smile and nodded.

Daryl reached out as if he were to wrap his arm around you but didn’t, dropping his arm. You wanted nothing more than to be held for a bit, though, so shyly you scooted closer to him. If Daryl took the hint, he didn’t act on it.

Actually, he pulled away and you were about to apologize, afraid you had made him uncomfortable, but you saw he was just reaching for his bag.

“Almost forgot…” he mumbled, rummaging into it. “Here.”

In the dark, you didn’t make what he holding until he gave it to you and you realized it was the tiny key from the gas station. You looked at Daryl, surprised.

“You liked it but didn’t take it.” He answered your silent question, shrugging and looking away shyly.

So he had taken it for you, even if he might maybe think it was silly…it was sweet…

“Thank you!” You beamed at him, leaning to kiss his cheek, and Daryl muttered something you didn’t catch. “I know it’s silly, I know it’s not useful…” You began to justify yourself.

“Ain’t silly.” Daryl cut you off.

You shot him another grateful smile before you began twirling the key. It was so tiny you weren’t sure it’d be safe inside the pockets of either your bag or your clothes, considering you were always on the run and rushing from place to place, you were afraid it might fall down.

You knew if you lost it you’d be devastated, not because it was beautiful and you liked it but because Daryl’d given it to you, knowing that you’d like it, knowing what it meant to you…it had been sweet…The tiny hole on top of the key gave you an idea.

“Do you have some cord or thread? A thin one?” You asked Daryl, knowing he tended to keep all kind of stuff and trinkets inside his bag.

Daryl rummaged for a bit and passed you some cord that you threaded through the hole to make a necklace. He watched in silence as you knotted it to make sure the key wouldn’t fall down no matter what.

“Do you know how to make a slipknot?” You asked him, passing him the makeshift necklace when he nodded. “You gotta teach me how to do that.”

“It’s easy,” Daryl answered, passing it back to you.

You put it around your neck, adjusting its length until you were satisfied.

“I won’t lose it now.” You beamed at Daryl, who gave you a small smile.

Just like that, he’d made your night improve and you hoped he knew, you weren’t sure how to put it in words without sounding silly or embarrass yourself. As you toyed with the key, you couldn’t help your smile and you glanced at Daryl from the corner of your eye.

Slowly, you scooted closer again and rested your head on his shoulder, holding yourself tense in case he didn’t want you to. He didn’t pull away, didn’t stiff uncomfortably and you relaxed. Tentatively, as if he weren’t sure of what he was doing or he thought you might pull away, Daryl carefully wrapped an arm around you.

You smiled, gratefully snuggling closer, all your worries and anxiety forgotten.

You fell asleep like that, waking up when it was still dark as you felt Daryl letting go of you and carefully guiding you to lie down on the blanket, covering you with another one. You murmured something incoherent and fell back asleep right after you felt his knuckles brush over your cheekbone before he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet, I told you…so sweet that in fact someone might thing somethimg’s coming up…
> 
> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts about this!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting intense.

The next weeks were rough, no matter by now you were used to that kind of life. Whenever you found a place to hole up you could barely stay for a night if you were lucky before walkers forced you to leave and camp back into the woods or sleep crammed into your cars until you found another place, with all the dangers that sleeping on the open implied.

The herds of walkers seemed to be bigger and bigger each day, ripping through everything, blocking roads, forcing all you to be always on alter, always running from place to place. It was exhausting, it was depressing, and morale was going down.

As if that weren’t enough, supplies were running low. Most of the places that you found to scavenge were almost emptied or full of walkers, making you leave empty-handed.

Daryl never said anything, not wanting to worry anyone even more, but wereas before he had always been able to bring something from his hunting trips, lately the game seemed to be running low too and often he came back empty-handed and frustrated. You always tried to make him stop beating himself about it, hating to see him blaming himself. It wasn’t easy, but you tried anyway.

That day you had been forced to stop in the middle of nowhere, after hours driving nonstop, and made camp in the woods at the side of the road. No matter you had been able to set a perimeter of wire and rope around the camp, everyone was on edge, but you tried to stay strong as you went to keep watch, your shift being late at night.

You hadn’t been keeping watch for long before you felt Daryl’s poncho fall over your shoulders and then he was sitting down next to you. You smiled, wrapping the fabric around you and lifting one of the sides so Daryl could curl up under it too, your smile growing when he wrapped his arm around you, and you snuggled to him.

That’d been a thing between you two lately. Daryl would join you during your night shifts or you’d join him, and he’d hold you close. He only did it at night, though, when almost everyone else was sleeping, pulling away from you when the sky began to clear or the others woke up.  

You thought some of them had noticed anyway, though thankfully none had commented but you had caught Carol smirking at you once or twice. Maggie, though, had tried to ask you if something was going on, but you had gotten so flustered and babbling that she hadn’t brought the matter up ever again.

Truth be told, you didn’t know what to think.

Your own feelings were a mess. You felt…you felt something, you couldn’t deny it, something that was beyond been content to have someone to snuggle with during cold nights, beyond looking for comfort in someone’s arms.

You did everything you could to ignore it, to not acknowledge it, but night after night your stomach did funny things and your heart beat faster every time Daryl smiled to you, every time he held you close, feeling content and safe in his warm embrace.

You felt guilty about it, though, you were a married woman, no matter your husband might be dead, you weren’t supposed to feel like that. But you couldn’t help it, and you found yourself eagerly waiting to join Daryl every night so he’d hold you close, seeking his company and the comfort of his arms.

You didn’t know what were Daryl’s thoughts or feelings, why he kept coming to curl up with you night after night but during the daytime you couldn’t get but some light touches from him sometimes, though he was always kind and caring, making sure each day that you were alright.

You didn’t dare to ask, though, afraid you’d drive him away. Whatever it was that you two had, you didn’t want it to stop. You were afraid of his answer too, afraid that for him it might not be the same than for you, afraid you were misreading the whole thing and all he wanted was to have someone to find comfort and warmth during the night.

Not that you had anything against it, you enjoyed it, but you couldn’t help but wish, hope that it might be something more, maybe…

And when he looked at you with soft eyes like now, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he…but no, you had to stop those thoughts and those feelings.

Daryl hadn’t ever hinted at wanting anything else besides whatever was that you two had, and from your side, you knew you shouldn’t be allowing yourself to feel like that. Your wedding band was still on your finger, you’d not realized it before, used as you were to wear it, but now it felt like a reminder.

Over everything, you didn’t want to scare Daryl away, you couldn’t lose him and lose what you two had, no matter you weren’t sure of what it was. It was what kept you going during those long, cold nights, when despair threatened to get a hold of you.

And so, when you felt his lips brush over your temple before he rested his head on top of yours, you did your best to stop your heart from beating fast, fast, to stomp on those silly feelings that grew inside you.

“You okay?” Daryl asked, feeling you stiff.

“Yeah,” you assured and you thought for something else to say, noticing how unconvincing you sounded. “Just worried about Rick’s plan.”

Rick had found some more maps during a run and he had located a residential area in the middle of nowhere,  where he thought you might find supplies and which could hopefully be a more permanent place to hole up.

You weren’t that sure, though, afraid the place might be dilapidated by now or full of walkers. It was a long shot, but you also knew Rick needed it. As months passed and you were unable to find a sort of permanent home, you could see how he was scared at the idea of Lori having to deliver while on the road.

“We’ll manage,” Daryl said, his standard reply whenever you were feeling down, which oddly enough always helped you feel better.

“His plan better works…” You let out a sigh and his hold on you tightened.

“It’s a long drive tomorrow. Sleep, I’ll keep watch.”

“It’s my shift.” You said though by now you knew there was no point arguing about it.

“Don’t sleep if you don’t wanna, I’m gonna keep watch anyway, so…” Daryl replied, as you knew he’d.

“Stubborn.”

You murmured loud enough for him to hear you, unable to stop your smile. You felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled and you tried to kill the butterflies that his smirk sent to your stomach.

You weren’t having much luck at it…

*

It took a couplel days of driving and nights of camping in the middle of nowhere until you finally saw the residential area Rick had been talking about. You stopped the cars several meter away so you could take a look at it before approaching.

It’d probably been a beautiful suburban area around the 60s or 70s, but it seemed to have been abandoned for more than a decade which made it look a bit creepy now. Some houses had almost fallen down but others seemed to be still standing and probably you could stay in them for while, if they weren’t full of walkers. Any hope about finding very needed supplies in them was gone, though.

“I know, I know what it looks like people.” Rick began, trying to lift the spirits even though he himself seemed about to give up. “But we can stay in one of those houses, work on secure them, get some planks to close the windows…we’ll be safe there.” He had to believe it, you all had to believe it, there wasn’t much else you could do. “Tomorrow we’ll try to find close places to scavenge for supplies, but for now, let’s get ourselves a home.”

A home…that words sounded like heaven.

As you drove closer you noticed some barricades and roadblocks, a few walkers had been caught into some stakes coming out from them, though the monsters were still alive and moving.

Who had made this? Maybe the place hadn’t been as abandoned as you had thought.

You stopped the cars at the roadblock at the entry of the area and cautiously looked around, looking for people, though there was none on sight.

“Here,” Glenn said quietly, pointing at an opening in the barricade big enough for all of you to walk in, though not your cars.

Carefully, holding your guns in front of you, you all walked in. The place seemed emptied both of people and walkers, nothing moved, you couldn’t hear any noise…at least until a man’s voice pierced through the empty street.

“Drop your guns, now!”

A group of men walked out of some of the houses, surrounding you. They’d heard your cars as you approached but had stayed hidden until you were inside, an easier prey. You all stood back to back but soon you noticed you were outnumbered and outgunned.

“We don’t want any trouble!” Rick shouted back, lifting his hands on the air although he hadn’t let go of his revolver. “We were looking for a place we could settle down, we-”

“Well, this one’s taken, asshole!” Another man cut Rick off, pointing his shotgun at him.

“I’m sure there’s plenty of houses for everyone, we can help each other.” Rick didn’t back down, you needed that place, needed a somewhat sturdy house to hole in, somewhere safe enough for Lori and her baby.

You were feeling like running away and leaving those man alone, though, and your face wasn’t the only scared one as you found yourself surrounded by shotguns aiming to you all. You were aiming a rifle back at them and you looked from Rick to Daryl, unsure of what to do, but he was focused on the men too, crossbow trained on them.

“I said, drop your guns!”

“Alright, alright…” Rick tried to de-escalate the situation, lowering his hands back down, seeming reluctant.

Before anyone could do or say anything else, you heard a voice that you thought you recognised but hadn’t heard in so long…

“Y/N? It’s that you?”

You almost didn’t recognised the man that stepped in front of the others, who had now a bear and a scar from his eyebrow down to his neck. But it was him, Dan, alive and standing there. You began to feel light-headed, like in a dream, like if you were about to pass out.

“Yes, it’s you!” He walked closer. “What’re you doing pointing that thing at me?! Are you dumb?! All you, lower your weapons, now!”

Somehow, your arm lowered the rifle though you didn’t even notice it, staring at Dan, unable to say anything. He had his shotgun pointed at you, though you barely registered it, but when your people began lowering their guns, he did too, though the men kept pointing theirs at all of you.

“What you doing standing there? Come on, come here!”

Dan snapped at you again but when you tried to go to him, still like in a dream, Maggie grabbed your arm.

“No.”

“Well, isn’t it Maggie Greene!” Your husband looked at her with a smile that you didn’t find that friendly anymore. “And little Beth too, aren’t you all grown up now! Oh, and Hershel…how could have I guessed that I was going to meet with so many known faces!”

“Dan…” Hershel greeted and even in your state you could notice he sounded worried.

“I’m Rick Grimes, I lead these people, as I said we were just looking for a safe place to stay.” Rick began again, no matter he seemed a bit confused about who Dan was and how he knew you.

“And I’m Dan, Y/N’s husband, and as you were told, this place’s ours.” He waved around to the other men before turning his attention back to you. “Y/N, come with me, now.”

“She doesn’t want to, asshole.” It was Daryl’s voice this time.

“She’s my wife, asshole.” Dan retorted, scarily calm, without even look at him. “So she oughts to be with me, don’t you, darling?”

You could only nod, still dumbfounded, and began walking to him.

“No, Y/N, you don’t have  to,” Carol told you but you didn’t even hear her.

“Why are you all so dramatic?” Dan sounded almost amused though as you stopped next to him you began shaking, but you tried to stop it before he noticed it. “Y/N’s my long lost wife! We have met again, against all odds, it’s time to celebrate, right sweetheart?!” You nodded again and he placed his hand at the back of your neck, squeezing it slightly.

“Come on Y/N, what’s wrong with your friends? Tell them you’re happy you found me again…or just stare at me, right.” He added, annoyed when you couldn’t find words. “Or are they right? Aren’t you happy? You don’t want to come with me?” His hold on your neck tightened and you forced yourself to speak.

“Of course I’m happy! It’s a miracle! I-I thought I’d lost you!” You said with trembling voice, not managing to sound happy at all but snapping back into yourself. “It’s something to celebrate, yes…” You squeezed your brain, trying to think for a way to get your group out of this, a way to help them. “So let’s celebrate! These people they…they’re my friends, they took care of me, they helped me get here, to you. They need a place to stay, somewhere safe…and she’s pregnant…” You pointed at Lori, half hidden behind Rick.

Dan looked around at the other men, seeming to consider something, before looking back to your group. When you looked around too, you noticed a couple of the men were Dan’s coworkers, though you didn’t recognise the others.

“Alright, anything for you, darling.” He said. “I owe this people for having kept you safe and returned you back to me. Honestly dear, I thought someone like you was a goner by now.”

You tried not to take offense at his words and just nodded, glad he was allowing the others to stay.

“You can take the third house around the corner there, all the walls and the roof are still standing.” He pointed to the direction. “But it’s not free.”

“What do you want?” Rick asked, cautiously.

“What you got? Food? Supplies?”

“We’ve barely enough to last a couple days, we need to find more food soon,” Rick answered, trying not to sound angry but not really managing.

“What was that you said…we can help each other right?” Dan taunted. “So we do, you share your food we share our houses…or you can leave.”

It didn’t sound like they were going to let them leave without paying anyway, though.

“Alright…deal,” Rick said through gritted teeth.

“Wonderful! As I said, let’s celebrate Y/N and I found each other again,” Dan was all smiles again. “What if you take your food, go to your new house, and make a nice dinner and then we all can talk.”

“Sure.” Rick nodded, the knuckles of the hand that held his revolver turning white.

“It’s settled, then.” Finally, the men lowered their guns. “We’ll see each other again for dinner time…don’t try anything weird, got it?”

Rick nodded again, holstering his gun.

“Thank you all so much! Y/N, can you stay to help me with the dinner?” Carol chimed in. “We always cook together, you know?” She smiled at your husband and you were surprised at how genuine her smile looked.

“Really? Gotta thank you if you taught her to cook.” Dan chuckled. “But no, I’m sorry, she’s coming with me, have you all forgotten we just found each other after the world went to hell or what?”

Carol’s smile was gone but she didn’t say anything else. Maggie looked like she was about to snap and say something, but Hershel placed a cautionary hand on her arm.

“You ain’t making her go with you!”

Daryl seemed about to take his crossbow again but Rick stopped him. You couldn’t look at him and you dropped your gaze to the ground, ashamed, trying not to cry.

“Y/N, my dear, why are your friends still talking like I’m abducting you or something like that?” Dan sounded amused but you could hear the threat under his tone. “Why wouldn’t you come with me? Or aren’t you happy? You rather stay with them than with your husband? Just say it.” The hand at the back of your neck squeezed tight again.

“No, of course not, I’m so happy I found you.” You forced yourself to repeat. “They’re just protective, we’ve been together for months, taking care of each other…I wouldn’t be here if they weren’t, darling.” You almost choked on the word. “But he’s my husband, we belong together…” You blinked quick, trying not to cry. “This is fine, I-I’m going to be fine.”

You looked at your friends, trying to silently tell them to not say anything else, to let it go, for everyone’s sake.

“As I thought.” Dan smiled at you. “Come on, let’s go, we need to catch up, sweetheart.”

He began to walk away, the hand on your neck guiding you with him.

“Y/N.” Daryl again.

You swallowed hard and kept walking, not turning to look at him or your friends.

*

Dan’s smile and sweet words were gone as soon as you got into what you assumed to be his house. He’d began yelling at you, asking why you had left your town without him and where had you been all this time.

You tried to explain how you had gone to look for him at his job but he wasn’t there, how you were able to leave the town thanks to Maggie, it didn’t seem to be enough for him.

He had kept yelling, even angrier when you began crying, asking you why your friends looked at him like that, what you had told them about him, why you didn’t seem as happy as you should about being reunited with him again.

Nothing you said was enough for him, no matter how much you tried to assure him you were happy. But you weren’t, and that just made you feel more guilty and ashamed…here you were, back with your husband when so many wives were mourning their own, and you couldn’t be happy…but you couldn’t lie to yourself, not anymore.

“Are you deaf?!” Dan was yelling at you again, grabbing your arms hard enough to left bruises and shaking you.

You had been so scared, your heart beating so fast, that you had gone light headed and felt like passing out, so your brain seemed to have stopped listening for a moment, but you whimpered when he shook you hard.

“I asked you if you love me!”

You gasped when he slapped you hard with the back of his hand, coming back to your senses as you felt a burning pain in your lip and tasted blood.

“Answer the question, it’s simple!”

“Of course I do.” You choked out.

“Yeah? You might want to tell yourself that.” Dan scoffed. “But you’re gonna learn to.”

He backed away but you kept looking at him in shock and fear.

“Now go clean up and get presentable for the dinner.” He waved at your blood stained clothes, you hadn’t quite been able to wash the walker’s blood off that shirt. “You look like a beggar and smell like a dead monster.”

You nodded, trying not to whimper aloud.

“And next time you tell me you love me, better sound genuine…cos you do, right?”

You nodded and he smiled, reaching to cup your face, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb, and you tried not to shudder.

You couldn’t sound genuine in a million gears. You didn’t love him, that seemed so clear now. And right now, you were terrified of him.

But if that was what it took to keep your people safe, then you would. Honestly, you wouldn’t blame Rick and the others if they took their stuff and drove away from there at the first chance, leaving you there.

If it kept your family safe, then you’d endure this, you owed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well…so…this happened. But at least we got tons of fluff before, right? Honestly, I’m quite nervous about this one, I hope I did it right. Sooner or later we had to reach this point, it was the actual request! I’m afraid I dragged it a but too much maybe, this fic moved slow and maybe I bored some people, but I wanted a strong relationship between the reader and the group, and a deep bond between her and Daryl before reaching this point.
> 
> What you guys think? Please, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts! What do you think it’s going to happen now?! Are you “happy” how this is going? Did you enjoy the fluff at the beginnign or does it feels forced? So many questions!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We left things in quite a bad place for the reader! What do you think it’s going to happen now??

You followed your husband as he stridded towards the house where your family was staying. You’ve cleaned up as best as you could, trying not to question why there were women clothes in the house when it didn’t seem to be any woman around. The only thing from your old outfit you kept on you was the necklace that you had made with the key Daryl’d given you, hidden under your new shirt.

Four men were following you, two of them Dan’s coworkers who hadn’t said a word to you, You knew there were more men, though, maybe twelve, you guessed they’d be on watch duty or patrolling the area.

You caught sight of Rick and Daryl outside the house and you began to walk slower, suddenly not eager to see your friends again, you couldn’t help but be nervous. When your husband noticed, though, he tugged at your hand to make you walk by him.

“What the hell is that?!” Daryl snapped when you got close enough and you knew he had noticed your split lip and your fresh bruises.

One of the men went to draw his gun but Rick dragged Daryl back, giving you an apologetic look but you nodded to him, last thing you needed was a fight.

“You hurt her again I gut you!”

Daryl wasn’t letting it go, though, and you forced yourself to look at him, begging him in silence to stop, scared when a couple men took out their guns, but Rick pushed Daryl into the house forcefully.

“Rick, control your people or there will be consequences.” Dan warned Rick before he got into the house. “I think we should shot that one, though, just in case.” You weren’t sure if he was talking to his men or to you, since Dan was looking at you, and you forced yourself to leave your face expressionless. “Come on.” He grabbed you by the neck and walked you into the house.

As soon as Maggie spotted you, she went to get into Dan’s face.

“Did you do that to her?!”

“She tripped over and knocked her face against the door,” Dan replied without even bothering sounding genuine. “You’ve been with her for months now, you should know how clumsy she is.”

Maggie seemed like she was going to say something but you sent her a warning look.

“Y/N, will you come to help me finish dinner?” Carol asked.

“Go.” Your husband pushed you towards her. “I have to talk to Rick anyway, see how this’s going to work.”

“You doing okay?” Carol whispered when you were close enough for nobody else to hear and you nodded weakly. “We don’t have to stay here. We can take our things, leave this night.”

They could, maybe, though you weren’t sure they should. You, on the other hand, couldn’t, your husband wouldn’t let you, you knew.

“You need this place, if you can get used to sharing it with those men, you can’t just go back to going from place to place, staying in old cabins or in the woods…look how big Lori is…”

“Maybe, but we won’t stay here if it means you go through this.” She pointed at your split lip. “None wants that, not even Rick or Lori.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t leave anyway.”

“Who says that? He doesn’t own you. We can leave this night, together, we’ll find another place.”

You shook your head.

“No, he wouldn’t let me go. There’d be a fight, you know they’re more and with better guns.”

It was bad enough your friends’d be giving up a sort of home, you weren’t going to let them end up hurt. It seemed like Carol was going to say something else but you cut her off.

“No.”

“Alright.” She let out a sigh. “But…you don’t have to endure this, he thinks you weak, right? Gonna be sleeping next to you?” You guessed so and you shuddered. “Then maybe you can solve your problems, quietly.”

You looked at her confused and she placed her hand over her knife pointedly.

“I can’t do that!” You exclaimed, almost too loud.

How were you going to kill your husband? Besides, if you did, the other men would kill you too…and you couldn’t do it in the first place. You’d never killed someone, how was going to be your own husband the first.

Dinner could have gone worse, you guessed, no matter how tense it was. Maggie was giving Dan dirty looks but without saying anything else, and Daryl was nowhere to be seen. You worried about him, but at the same time you were relieved, it was better than him catching the eye of your husband again, nothing good could come from that.

“So, you’re from Dan’s town.” One of the men was saying to Beth as he sat down next to her. “How old are you?”

“Turned seventeen a couple months ago, I think,” Beth answered, squirming and looking at her father when the man placed a hand on her thigh. Before Hershel could say anything, you did.

“Touch her again I feed your hand to the walkers.”

The man blinked at you in surprise but took his hand away and you felt your husband’s hand in your own thigh, squeezing.

“Didn’t remember you having such a temper.” He said and you tried to listen for any threat under his amusement, but you couldn’t be sure. “Billy, leave the girl alone.”

The rest of the dinner passed without many incidents and soon Dan and Rick had moved away from the others slightly to talk more privately.

It was dark outside when you went back to the other house though the interior was dimly iluminated with candles. Your husband had gone to the living room with a couple of other men, telling you to go to the bedroom. At first you had been relieved to be free of them but your mistrust of them made you tiptoe back down, taking advantage of the dark, to try and listen through the door.

“I’m calling dibs on the blonde.”

“Baby Beth did really catch your eye, didn’t she?”

“You got a girl back, we want too.”

“They don’t seem to have many supplies or anything, we shouldn’t have taken them in, it’s not worthy.”

“It’s more than nothing, and they got my wife!”

“And girls.”

“That is. We kill everyone but the girls you want and then we get their stuff.”

“I don’t know…they seem the kind to fight back hard, it’s not worthy.”

“Will you shut up with that, they don’t even have that many guns.”

“Most of them have got guns, counted a couple rifles too.”

“What if we kill their leader? Maybe then the others will decide to play good, work with us.”

“No, they don’t seem like that.”

“Told you, they’ll fight back.”

“It can’t be only Rick.”

You didn’t listen to anything else, you didn’t need too. As quietly as possible, you rushed to the front door, but when you walked out you found yourself face to face with another man.

“Where are you going?”

“To take a walk.”

You gathered your courage and tried to walk past him, regretting not having your knife with you so at least you could look threatening. You had left it in your belt with all your old clothes, your husband telling you not to ruin the outfit and that you wouldn’t be needing it there, the walkers were stopped by the barricades and the lookouts.

“Yeah, sure.” The man pushed you back to the house and grabbed you by the collar of your shirt.

“Let me go!” You hissed, pulling away.

“What’re you doing with my wife?” Your husband appeared at the door.

“She was trying to leave.”

“I just wanted to take a walk!” You exclaimed, frustrated, knowing your chance was gone.

“No.” Dan grabbed you by the neck and pulled you into the house.

“Why, I’m a prisoner or what?!” You struggled away from his grip, finding inside you the courage to face Dan, fueled by your need to protect your family.

“You were going to see them, didn’t you?”

“What, I’m forbidden from visiting my friends too?”

Before you knew what was happening, Dan had grabbed your hair and slammed your head against the wall. Everything turned blurry and you felt dizzy for a few seconds before your eyes focused again on your husband and you looked at him in shock, feeling blood drip from your forehead.

“Shut up.” He told you calmly. “And behave.”

“I’m not letting you hurt them.” You growled, still dizzy but trying to struggle free anyway.

Your husband yanked at your hair painfully and began dragging you upstairs, throwing you into the bedroom and giving you a hard slap that reopened your lip when you struggled. He closed the door and you heard him pushing something against it. When you tried to open the door, you couldn’t.

“Let me go!” You kicked the door but it was for nothing.

You tried not to break down and cry, tried to calm down and keep your mind cold, trying to think on something to do. Your hand went to your key necklace, clutching it as if it could calm you down, as it if could give you courage.

You tried the window. Open. It was a long jump, though, and you wondered if you could climb down without falling and if none from inside the house would notice you. You weren’t sure but you had to try anyway, you had to do something.

Your old clothes were still there and luckily, so was your knife.

You changed quickly, cleaning the blood off your face with your shirt. You tried to listen through the door but you couldn’t hear anything and so you went to the window, opened it, and climbed out.

You tried not to panic as you began to climb down as carefully as possible. At some point, though, you couldn’t keep going. Looking down you surveyed the height and decided it wasn’t too bad, so you jumped.

You hit the ground with a thud that you hoped none inside the house had heard and you swallowed the cry that you almost let out when you felt a twinge of burning pain go through your ankle. You tried to walk and decided it wasn’t broken. It hurt and it didn’t quite supported your weight, but you could make it, you had too.

Limping, you made your way around the house as carefully as you could, checking there weren’t men around and staying away from the windows, though you saw most of the men were still in the living room, making plans.

You had to be quick but it wasn’t easy with your ankle like that and you hissed and cursed inwardly as you made your way to the other house, taking advantage of the darkness so as not to be seen.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

You had been so sure none was around that you almost jumped out of your skin when you heard a man’s voice and his hand grabbed your arm. “What a mess have you done with yourself.” He chuckled at your bloodied face. “Let’s get you back to your husband.”

“No!”

You took your knife and held it between the man and you.

“Yeah, sure.”

The man rolled his eyes at you, smirking, and you stabbed at the hand that was grabbing your arm, making him cry out in pain and push you away. You stumbled on your ankle but managed not to fall down.

“The only reason you’re alive is your husband.” The man growled, harshly grabbing you again. “Stop struggling or I’ll find out if he minds I broke your nose.”

You didn’t know how you did it, you didn’t realise it until it was done. Like if he’d been a walker, you yanked your arm free and sank your machete into his head.

The man dropped dead to your feet and you stared at him in horror, shaking. Your lungs suddenly seemed to not want to work and you panted, struggling to breathe. When you managed to breathe, you choked out a sob, but you forced yourself not to cry. You had to calm down. You had to go to your family.

You yanked out your knife with a shaky hand, swallowing hard and feeling sick to your stomach, and began walking away.

Luckily, you didn’t find anyone else in your way, and when you saw the silhouette of Daryl in the darkness, pacing outside the house, you almost cried in relief.

As soon as he noticed someone approaching, Daryl was on alert, rising his crossbow, but he lowered it again when he realized it was you, limping your way, and he ran to you.

“Y/N? Y/N, what happened?! You okay?!” He was looking at you in worry and even what looked like panic, and he reached to cup your face, thumbs brushing over your cheekbones, taking in your state.

“We have to leave, they-”

“Did he do that?” Daryl cut you off, his eyes turning angry.

“It doesn’t matter, we have to leave, we-“ You tried to warn once more but Daryl cut you off again.

“I’m gonna kill that bastard.” He growled, eyes darting to the street you’d come from.

“No.” You held onto his shirt, afraid he might just storm away. “We have to leave, they’re coming to kill us.”

Daryl had taken one of your hands, noticing the blood over it, and you broke down.

“I killed a man.” You whimpered. “He wouldn’t let me come…I killed him…”

Daryl pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you as you cried. It was so tempting, to bury yourself in his comforting warm, but there was no time. You had to leave before your husband and the others came.

“We have to leave, now, they’re coming, they’ll kill everyone.” You sniffed. “Besides the girls they like.”

“I ain’t letting them hurt you.” Daryl had his arms still around you and he kissed your forehead, above your wound. “I’m gonna kill them.”

“No.” You said firmly. “They’re more than us, they have better guns, we have to leave.”

Daryl looked like he wanted to argue but finally he nodded.

“Alright.” He took out his gun and passed it to you. “Just in case.”

“No, if they arrive before we leave you’ll need it too.”

“Got the bow, it’s fine, come on.”

He hoisted your arm around his shoulder and wrapped his arm around your waist, helping you walk to the house. You hissed a curse, the burning in your ankle worsening, but you bit your lip so as not to let out any sound of pain when Daryl looked at you in worry.

Once inside the house, everyone else began bombarding you with worried questions at your state, but you stopped them, quickly explaining them the situation. There was some talk between Rick and Daryl, both seeming to want to fight back, but between you and the others, you managed to talk them out of it.

You all grabbed your things as quick as possible and made your way out of the house. You got behind, whimpering as you tried to force your ankle.

“Are you okay?” Maggie asked in concern but Daryl was already wrapping his arm around you.

“I got her, come on.”

You followed the others, staying in the darkness and leaning on Daryl but unable to go as fast as you wanted, unable to keep the pace. Rick was helping Lori too but she could move way faster than you anyway.

“Get going, come on.” You said the second time Rick looked back in worry, knowing the others were going slow for you. “Get to the cars, I’ll reach you.” You weren’ that sure of that, but you needed them to go, they’d be safer in the cars and they could leave faster if trouble came. “You too.” You turned to Daryl but as you expected he ignored you, tightening his hold on you as if afraid you might try to pull away.

“She’s right, get going, get to the cars and leave.” He told Rick while you all kept moving. “We can go on the bike, meet at the first intersection.”

“No, we’re not leaving either of you here,” Rick said firmly. “We go ahead, take care of any lookout and walker we find, wait for you on the cars.”

“Alright.”

Now that they didn’t have to wait for you, it didn’t take them long to reach the corner that led to the main street and the exit where the cars were parked. You wished Daryl had gone with them, even if that meant you’d have to painfully limp your way out and that probably your husband will find you before you could leave. You didn’t say anything, though, knowing Daryl would just ignore you again.

Soon before the others had disappeared around the corner, you heard gunshots coming from there and you looked at Daryl in panic.

“You should have gone with them, go!”

“No.”

Before any of you could say anything else, there was another gunshot, this time coming from your street, and you felt a bullet hitting a tree next to you, right before a weak beam of light hit you.

Daryl and you turned over and noticed your husband and some of the other men approaching fast, some carrying a couple lanterns beside their shotguns and guns.

Daryl let go of you to take his crossbow, aiming at them, but you knew there was nothing you could do.

“Lose the arrow and we put a bullet on her.”

One of the men warned and you heard Daryl growl, you could almost hear him think as he tried to survey the situation.

“Darling, come here,” Dan called for you. “I’m not mad, I understand why you ran away. But come back. Now.”

“No. You won’t hurt them.”

You shook your head, trying not to shake, trying not to show how scared you were, taking out the gun Daryl had given you and holding it in front of you, which just made your husband chuckle.

“You won’t shoot your husband, darling. Now come here, I won’t repeat it.”

Your husband made to walk to you but Daryl stepped in front of you, crossbow aimed at Dan’s face.

“I told you, lower that thing or I shoot her.” The man repeated.

“She’s his wife,” Daryl said, still aiming.

“So?”

“If you don’t lower that, I shoot her myself,” Dan said which at this point didn’t shock you a bit. “No offense, darling.”

You heard Daryl’s low growl, knew he wanted nothing more than to shoot an arrow into your husband’s head, but all the guns were pointed at you and so finally he lowered his crossbow.

“I’ll go with you,” you said, not really finding any other way to assure Daryl and you wouldn’t be shoot right there, hoping this way you could buy your family’s safety. “But you won’t hurt my friends, you’ll let them go. And I won’t try to run away ever again, I’ll stay with you.”

“What? No!” Daryl looked at you in disbelieve but you shook your head at him, telling him not to fight it.

“Alright.” Dan nodded. “Ronnie was right, they weren’t worth it, they can take their shit and leave. Now come here.” He waved at you with his gun.

“No!” Daryl repeated, grabbing your wrist when you tried to brush past him.

“Daryl, leave, find the others and leave, come on.” You told him quietly as you yanked your wrist away, doing your best not to cry. You could do this. Your family will be safe. You had to do this. It wouldn’t be so bad.

“No.”

Daryl shook his head and went to raise his crossbow again but you stopped him, getting in front of him and taking hold of his wrist, making him lower it again. You opened your mouth to tell him to leave again but your husband spoke before you could.

“Not that one, though, that one’s dead. Get out of the way, darling.”

You turned to look at him and saw him pointing his gun at Daryl, ready to shot. You didn’t intend to move but Daryl pushed you, aiming his crossbow.

He didn’t get to shot, though, you did. You didn’t know how, but you did it. You weren’t going to let Dan hurt Daryl. You barely registered it until your husband dropped dead to the ground, though, a bullet hole on his head.

You panted for air, looking at the corpse of Dan in shock, your hand shaking so much you almost dropped the gun. What had you done? You had killed another man, you had killed him, you had killed your own husband. Worse thing was you didn’t regret it. Were you evil?  You were a murderer…

You were still in shock and you barely registered Daryl pushing you behind him. The men were looking from Dan’s body to you, seeming shooked, before aiming at you again.

“Don’t!” Daryl warned in a growl.

“All you, lower your guns!”

Rick’s voice got through your foggy brain and you saw him, T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie and Carol running to you, rifles in front of them. The men seemed as shocked as you, but they kept pointing their guns.

“We killed your lookouts.” Rick kept going, reaching you. “Walkers are being drawn to the noise. Lower your guns, it’s over.”

Nobody moved for a second, everyone aiming their guns at everyone, but then one of the men stepped in front of the others.

“We don’t want more trouble, told him you weren’t worth it.” He spat. “Get the hell out of here. Or we’ll kill each other and the monsters will have our bodies.” He added when he noticed Rick’s reluctance.

You knew Rick wanted a place to settle down, somewhere safe enough for Lori, but this was not the place, and he knew, so Rick finally nodded. Slowly, everyone began lowering their guns.

“Leave.”

Rick began walking backward so as to make sure the men weren’t trying anything, but you found you couldn’t move, your eyes still on your husband’s body.

“Y/N,” Daryl said softly, but you couldn’t stop looking.

“Come on, come on, sweetheart.” Carol stepped next to you.

“Y/N, come on, we have to leave.”

Maggie said quietly, stopping at your other side and both women began helping you walk. Daryl walked behind, crossbow ready.

*

You had reached the cars, putting down some walkers that had been attracted by the sound, and left without any accident, it’d seemed the men hadn’t wanted anyone else dying that day.

You were now on the backseat of a car, curled up to Maggie while Glenn drove. Hershel was on the passenger seat, shooting you worried glances through the rear mirror from time to time. Beth sat at your other side, stroking your hair while you cried quietly.

“It’s okay, Y/N. You’re gonna be okay.” Maggie kept repeating.

“I killed him.” You whispered.

“He’d have killed you.”

“He was going to kill Daryl.” You sniffed.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

“I’m a murderer. I killed two men. I killed my own husband. I’m evil, I’m horrible.”

“No, no, stop it,” Maggie told you, rocking you gently. “They had it coming, they were going to kill us. Dan had it coming, he was a bastard, a murderer. He would have hurt you, would have killed you. You had to do it.”

“I couldn’t let him hurt any of you.” You whimpered, holding tighter to Maggie and crying.

“And we weren’t going to let him hurt you no more. We take care of each other, always. Everything’s going to be fine, you’re going to be fine, we’ll be okay.”

You nodded weakly, though you couldn’t stop crying.

“We’ll manage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And…that was the end for Dan! It felt good, killing him off after in “Life and the end of the world” I left alive certain character (Not giving away too much in case you haven’t read it) and I felt it had to be her who killed him. I was so nervous about the last chapter and this one, but yet so excited to post them.
> 
> What did you thought? Please, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts! What do you think it’s going to happen now?! Thank you all for your support!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t need to remind you what happened in last chapter right? Let’s see how the reader is doing in the aftermath…

You’d fallen asleep on Maggie after exhausting yourself crying and when you woke up you realized the group had spent most of the night driving. It was still dark outside but you could see how the sky was beginning to clear.

A new day.

You surveyed your state. Your head was killing you, your wounds itched and your ankle shot waves of pain through your leg when you moved it, but you could be much worse.

Beth had fallen asleep too, head on your lap as she curled up on the other seat, and both of you had poor Maggie squished against the window.

“Morning,” Maggie said quietly. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” you said, not wanting her to worry too much, but truth be told you didn’t know how you were feeling. “Where’re are we?”

“In the middle of nowhere. Big surprise, right?” Maggie chuckled softly. “We’re just stopping for a bit so we can rest.”

“Alright.”

You looked around and saw Glenn was asleep on the driver’s seat. Through the window, you could see Rick and Hershel at one side, talking. Daryl was at the other side, fumbling with some arrows. You couldn’t see anyone else and you guessed they were on the cars, sleeping.

“I think I’m going to get some air.” You told Maggie, wanting to go see Daryl.

“Okay, I’m gonna try to sleep a couple hours. Go see my father, he wanted to check on you.”

Carefully, you tried to lift Beth’s head off your lap without waking her up, but didn’t manage it and the girl blinked as she looked around drowsily, mumbling some nonsense. As soon as you clumsily changed seats with Maggie, Beth curled up to her sister and fell asleep again.

Limping slowly, you made your way to Daryl. When he noticed you he got up and approached you so you’d stop trying to walk, but his eyes didn’t quite meet you.

“You should be resting.”

“I’ve rested.” You replied, shrugging. “Are you okay?”

Daryl looked at you at that for a second before he dropped his gaze down again, scoffing.

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“I’m okay…I will be.” You had to say yourself that, and after everything that had happened, you didn’t want to worry anyone more.

Daryl just nodded at that, eyes still trained on the ground.

“I’m gonna go hunting.” He muttered. “Go see Hershel.”

With that, he turned around and went to the woods. You watched him go, noticing something was off with him but you didn’t really know what. You guessed it was normal, after everything you all had gone through just yesterday.

If you were honest, when you’d approached him you’d wished he’d have held you close or something like that but being realistic you knew you’d have to wait until the night for something like that. Still, you hadn’t expected him to be so…you didn’t know what, distant maybe.

With a sigh, you decided to let it go and stop overthinking it, sure that your brain would play tricks on you. Hershel and Rick were walking towards you and so you limped to them.

“You should be sitting down, Y/N.” Hershel told you and you almost rolled your eyes at him telling you to rest just like Daryl, but you smiled fondly, thankful for their concern.

“I’m okay.” You assured. “It doesn’t hurt too bad, I can handle it.”

“I have to check you anyway, I don’t like how that wound on your forehead looks and you might have a concussion. Not to mention that ankle.”

“In a minute,” you said before turning to Rick. “Hey…I’m really sorry that place didn’t work out…I know how much you want us to have a place to settle down, I want it too…”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Rick reached out to squeeze your shoulder. “I…em…I’m sorry this happened to you…all this…” He seemed a bit loss of words, as if he weren’t sure of what to say, but you got the sentiment. You knew he worried.

“That wasn’t your fault, either.”

“Then maybe we should stop taking blame for things that aren’t our fault.” Hershel intervened. “Now, come on, Y/N.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going!” You chuckled softly, taking the arm Hershel was offering you.

“Are you sure you are okay?” Rick asked before you left.

“I’m going to be.” You replied with as much confidence as you could muster.

*

Hershel deemed your ankle sprained but on the mend. He wasn’t sure about you having a concussion or not but you seemed to be okay enough and the wound on your forehead wasn’t as bad as he had thought at first, but you needed to keep it and the cut in your lip as clean as possible so they wouldn’t infect. Luckily, you still had your first aid kit with you.

While everyone did things, pacing around the perimeter, inspecting the area to try and find a place to stay, you could do nothing more than sat down on the ground looking at everyone coming and going, your ankle and everyone’s concern about it preventing you from helping them.

Lori was sat down too, reading inside one of the cars. You had tried to read for a bit but your mind had started to wander and you couldn’t even focus long enough to look at the pictures of the magazine you had on your lap.

“T-Dog, hey!” You called when he walked by. “Will you pass me that thing to sharpen knives?”

T-Dog looked at you weird but nodded, and soon you were trying to sharpen your machete. You had never done it, though, probably you should ask Daryl or Maggie to teach you. Somehow, your eyes landed on your wedding band…you had forgotten about it again.

You swallowed hard and rubbed at your eyes furiously when you felt tears on them. No. You weren’t going to cry over him, he wasn’t going to make you cry ever again. You yanked the ring off your finger and threw it away towards the woods as hard as you could.

It didn’t fall far, though, just a few meters away, it didn’t even give you the satisfaction of disappearing into the woods. You contemplated going to take it and throw it away further, but you decided against it…you didn’t want to give it any more thought, you just wanted to forget it.

“Did you know that you’re really sad at throwing?” Carol said, stopping in front of you.

“Shut it…” You couldn’t help but snort at her words.

Carol smiled and sat down next to you.

“How’re you? Truly.”

“I…I don’t know. I feel okay and then I don’t.  I’m just…” You shrugged helplessly. “I think that I’m doing okay and suddenly everything comes back to me and I see him, and I can’t breathe, and I feel like throwing up and I feel like I’m going to faint, and…” Just venting like that was making you feel light headed and you began to pant.

“Hey, hey, Y/N…” Carol shushed you gently. “Stop it. Breathe.”

You tried, taking deep breaths until you managed to calm down.

“I can’t stop seeing him, his body, after I…” You tailed off, swallowing hard. “I killed him…I killed my own husband. And I killed another man. I just killed them.”

“They had it coming, you know it, you know how they were. They would have killed us. Look at what he did to you. You had to do it…stop beating yourself about it”

You nodded at Carol words, but they couldn’t really make you feel better, not yet. Carol seemed to notice. She let out a sigh and leaned over to plant a kiss on your forehead. You smiled gratefully and rubbed at your wet eyes.

“Have you talked with Daryl?” You asked her after a moment of silence, when you started feeling better. “I feel there’s something off with him.”

“He’s…he’s being Daryl.” Carol answered, which didn’t really tell you that much. “Give him a bit of time, we all went through something yesterday. You the most.”

You said nothing to that. You felt partially guilty about what had happened, since your husband had been one of the men involved, if someone’d been hurt you couldn’t forgive yourself. You knew it didn’t make much sense, the men would have done that to you whether you were there or not, probably your family hadn’t been the first they had hunted. But you couldn’t help yourself.

Rick and Glenn had gone scouting through the woods and came back bringing news about a cabin they had found further into the woods. There had been some walkers around but they had cleared them, though they thought there probably were more inside, but it was worth a shot, see if you could clear it and finally have a place to stay. You have to wait for Daryl to come back before leaving, though.

Daryl didn’t come back until a bit later, bringing a few squirrels with him, but what caught your eye was the amount of blood, walker’s blood you guessed, that had splashed over his clothes, his face, his hands…

You gasped aloud and jumped onto your feet, ready to run to him but groaning and stumbling when you put weight onto your sprained ankle, and Carol rushed to help you stay up.

“What happened?” Rick asked Daryl, eyeing him with concern.

“Found some  walkers out there,” Daryl said as nothing. “Put them down. We should leave, though, saw some more coming.”

“We found a cabin, not too far,” Rick informed, still looking at Daryl weird but not asking anything else. “Cleared the surroundings but we need to clear the interior. We should get going.”

“Ain’t safe, told you, there’s still walkers around,” Daryl said and Rick’s face fell even more. “Maybe we could stay for the night…” He added as if noticing how down Rick was feeling. “But we have to leave tomorrow.”

“Okay, okay…one night, that’s enough, we’ll find something else tomorrow. Let’s go before we lose the light.”

You had to admire Rick’s efforts to not give up, to keep you all going.

You all drove your vehicles as close as possible to the cabin until the trees didn’t let you go closer. You stayed in the car with Lori, Beth, Hershel, and a grumpy Carl while the others went to clear the walkers from inside the cabin.

Once they were done and you saw them getting ride of the walkers, you thought those had been probably people who had taken refuge inside the cabin, as you wanted to, but had ended up dying there somehow. You didn’t want to think much about it, though.

When that was taken care of, they came back to take all the stuff you might need from the cars. You got out of the car, wondering if you’d be able to carry your backpack, but before you could take it Daryl did.

“Thanks.” You said quietly, still feeling like something was off.

Daryl didn’t say anything but wrapped his arm around you to help you walk. First he went to his bike, taking his bag and the string of squirrels, and then he began slowly walking you both to the cabin.

“You brought us dinner once again.” You said, you hadn’t felt that awkward at trying to talk with Daryl in a long while.

“It ain’t like those squirrels are gonna feed us much.” He grumbled.

“Hey, it’s more than nothing.” You reminded him, looking at him, his face still splashed in walkers’ blood. The idea of him going recklessly against a bunch of them scared you, but you knew better than to say anything, at least not with him this closed off. “You look like such a mess.” You just teased softly.

Once you reached the cabin he let go of you but you hated to feel this distant with him. You knew he wasn’t doing okay, though you weren’t sure of what was really in his mind, but you couldn’t find words to ask. Instead, you leaned towards him to kiss his cheek.

Daryl didn’t let you, pulling back, and you looked down, trying to hide how it hurt you. He noticed, though.

“I’m all covered in that shit, you said it, you have these open wounds, you gotta be more careful so they don’t infect.”

He reminded you, you hadn’t even thought about it. He was right, but that didn’t mean you didn’t feel something was off, like he was holding himself away from you, no matter he had just helped you walk to the cabin. Maybe it didn’t make sense, but you felt like that.

“Yeah, let’s clean you up then.” You said, giving him a weak smile,rummaging into your bag and getting out a rag and your bottle of water.

“No, Y/N, you don’t have to,” Daryl grumbled but you ignored him.

Pouring some water into the rag, you began to thoroughly wash the blood off Daryl’s face. That shirt was probably another lost cause, though. Daryl looked at you with sad eyes and your heart clenched, making you push away any shyness in order to try to find out what was in his head.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me.” You asked quietly but Daryl looked down and shook his head imperceptibly. “Are you…are you mad at me?” Maybe he did think that what happened with those men and your husband had been your fault…

“Why would I?” His eyes had snapped up at you at that, a confused frown on his face and you just shrugged, looking down. “I ain’t. Nothing was your fault, nothing of this…I…I’m gonna get those squirrels ready…you should be sitting down…”  

He tailed off and you nodded, looking up when you felt his hand squeezing your arm ever so slightly, but he was already turning away.

*

You woke up panting and shaking, tears in your eyes, looking around wildly until you realized you had had a nightmare.

Your husband was there, dead on the ground, along with the man you had also killed but also all the other men and you knew you had killed them all, bloodied knife still on your hand. They had woken up but not quite like walkers, they were looking at you, talking to you, blaming you, walking to you, reminding you of what you had done…and then your husband grabbed you by the throat, squeezing and he smiled…

You bit your lip, trying not to sob aloud. You should have known you were going to have nightmares. It had taken you a long while to fall asleep, after Daryl had told you to try. You had been sat down next to him for a while, none of you saying anything, until he told you to go to sleep and you hadn’t fight it. You had hoped he’d hold you through the night, you needed it, but he still seemed distant and you didn’t know what to do.

Looking around in the dark you didn’t see him and you wondered if maybe he was still outside, maybe you hadn’t been asleep for that long. If he was then you would join him, you didn’t care if it was just to sit down by him in silence for the whole night.

Daryl was still on the stairs of the cabin, you could make his silhouette on the dark, and so you went to sit down next to him.

“Told you to go to sleep.” He said when he notice you limping to him.

“I tried to…” You said weakly, sitting down.

Daryl looked at you, noticing your tear-stained face and the way in which you were shivering.

“What’s wrong?” He reached out for you, fingers barely brushing your cheek, eyes full of worry.

“Just a nightmare.”

Slowly, you laced your fingers with the ones that were whipping your tears, holding his hand carefully and gently, in case he didn’t want you to. Daryl chewed on his lower lip as he looked at your hands but he didn’t pull away and his thumb began to stroke over your knuckles ever so softly.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked, sounding unsure.

“Just…my husband, the man I killed…and all the other men, they were all there, dead, because I killed them, but they woke up…” You shivered again, you didn’t want to think about it again. “I know those men were going to kill us but I can’t help it, I…” You tailed off and took a deep breath, feeling like you were going to cry again.

“I’m sorry…” Daryl said quietly.”’bout everything…that you had to do that…that you killed your husband…”

“The thing is…I don’t really think I’m sorry…”

That made you feel more guilty, but the idea of having let your husband and those men hurt your family, kill them…that was too much, and so you had done what you needed to stop the men. If you went back, you wouldn’t change what you did, no matter guilt was eating you, no matter you felt like an evil murderer, no matter it might haunt you forever. You had kept your family safe, just like they had kept you safe all these months, and so it had been worthy.

“I couldn’t let them hurt you, I couldn’t, you all are my family…” You couldn’t stop your voice from breaking. “And I wasn’t going to do nothing and let Dan shot you. I did what I had to…to stop them…”

“I’m sorry…” Daryl said quietly.

“It’s okay…I’m going to be okay.” You assured both him and yourself.

“Ain’t okay.” Daryl shook his head, sounding almost angry. “You shouldn’t have had to do that…you shouldn’t have had to kill him, it shouldn’t have been you…I’m sorry.”

You had felt a bit anxious as his angry tone, wondering if maybe he was actually upset with you, but now he just sounded sad and guilty and you hated it.

“Why’d you talk like that? Like it was your fault? It wasn’t… Maggie and Carol, they say those men had it coming…my husband too…” You swallowed hard, still coming to terms with that. “I know I had to do it…”

“To help us…to help me.” Daryl said, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah.” You nodded, that was the only thing that made you feel even just a little bit better about what you had done, knowing that doing so you had helped your family. Yet, Daryl was saying it as if it was something wrong. “Told you, you’re my family, I wasn’t going to let them do anything to you. I’m not letting anyone hurt my family if I can help it, I’m not letting anyone hurt you.”

You didn’t think you’d ever wore your heart in your sleeve like that before, without being afraid of someone breaking it or making fun of it, you didn’t think you had ever let yourself talk so freely about your feelings. But it felt good, letting it all out, especially since it was something good, nothing to be embarrassed about, you had to remember yourself that.

“I’m sorry they hurt you…I’m sorry I let them hurt you.” Daryl swallowed hard, eyes still trained on the ground.

“Hey.” You squeezed his hand ever so slightly. “Don’t talk like that, you didn’t let them hurt me.” You weren’t sure if Daryl was actually listening to your words or not, but you kept talking. “You know if any of you’d have done something they’d have killed us all. I had to go with him, so-”

“So he’d hurt you instead of us.” Daryl cut you off.

“Stop it.” You said gently.

“You shouldn’t have had to kill your own husband,” Daryl said, finally looking at you after a moment of silence.

“My husband…he was not a good man.” You knew it, you had known it for a long while, but what had happened had forced you to acknowledge it. “He’d have killed me, I know he would.”

It hurt, but it was true, you had seen it. Dan wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you if he thought he needed to…and no matter it hurt to think that way, you knew that if he’d gotten too mad at you one day, he’d have killed you.

“So I stopped him before he did, I guess…” Before he could kill you, or Daryl, or anyone you loved.

Despite knowing all that, you couldn’t help the way in which your voice broke and the tears that began falling down your eyes again. Daryl looked at you seeming helpless as if he didn’t know what to do or say. You scooted closer, curling up to him, wanting nothing more than to cuddle with him, but he didn’t move.

“Carol was right, you won’t catch a hint.” You whispered, letting out a soft chuckle.

“What?” Daryl frowned at you, seeming so confused that you couldn’t help but chuckle again.

You took his hand again to carefully wrap his arm around you, looking at him to make sure you weren’t pushing him. As soon as he realized what you wanted, though, Daryl pulled you to him, wrapping his arms tightly around you, and you snuggled against his chest, resting your head on the crook of his shoulder.

“I wish I could say Dan wasn’t always like that, that this new world changed him…” You began talking again. With Daryl’s arms around you, you felt comforted and safe enough to talk about your husband, to keep letting out your feelings. “And maybe it did…but he wasn’t a good man before either, was him?”

Daryl was silent, letting you speak.

“It wasn’t the first time he hurt me, you know it. I can’t even remember all the times he did…he’d get angry at me because I had done something wrong, or because I was clumsy or stupid…”

“You ain’t that, don’t say that,” Daryl said sharply, seeming unable to stop himself.

“Well…He used to say I was, so…”

So you’d thought you were stupid and everything else he called you, you had thought it for so long…you still thought like that sometimes, couldn’t help yourself, but during all these months you’d gotten better, you had started to see that most of what your husband had said wasn’t true. It was a slow process, though, and you still had a long journey ahead of you.

“So he’d get angry and most times he’d end up hurting me…and then he’d say how it wasn’t his fault, how I made him lose his temper, being the way I was. And I believed it, made myself believe it, so I could live with it because that was the life I had chosen, back when I married him.”

Probably you were being too hard on yourself, considering how young you had been back then, but that was the way you’d always thought, no matter now part of you also saw how he had always manipulated you, back since you both met.

“ And I know everyone says I should have left him, and probably I should…but I didn’t know how, was scared of what he’d do…and I didn’t know what could I do without him, I felt like I was alone in the world…He was my husband, I had to love him, didn’t I? I don’t know, he was my husband, it felt like the only thing I had in my life.”

You didn’t realize you had begun crying again until Daryl pulled back so he could whip your tears, trying to gently shush you and calm you. He kissed your tears-stained cheek softly and then your forehead before pulling you to him again, holding you tight.

“You didn’t deserve any of that. Anything.” He whispered into your hair. “I ain’t letting anyone hurt you again. Promise.”

Warmth spread through you and you pulled back to smile weakly to him, kissing his cheek before nestling against his chest again.

“I’ve been thinking…I thought he must love me, cos he was my husband, right?” You kept talking now that you were calmer. “But I don’t think he did, not even at the beginning…I don’t think what he felt was love, not really.” You weren’t sure about it, but it was something that had been on your mind for a while now. “And funny thing is…I’m not sure if I’m sad about it or happy…relieved it or not…” It was confusing, not knowing how you felt, but it was true.

“And you?” Daryl asked.

“What?” You weren’t sure of what was he asking.

“Did you love him?”

“Yeah…I guess I did…inflautated at the very least.” You let out a sad sigh. That was a better word than love, probably. “I mean, I was head over heels when I met him, gotta be to marry someone when you’re eighteen after just a few months. But as years passed…I don’t know…But I always told myself that I had to love him, cos he was my husband, you know?” Daryl let out an noncommital hum. “But I guess I hadn’t loved him in a long while…not really.” It had taken you a while to come to terms with it, but you did now.

“I thought…” Daryl began but he stopped.

“Yeah?”

“When he said he was your husband…I thought maybe you were happy he was alive and you found him. I knew he hurt you, I didn’t want you to go with him…But I thought you maybe wanted to…dunno…” You felt him shrug. “But I looked at you and I saw how scared you were…”

“I didn’t realize how terrified of him I was until then.” You had always been scared of making him angry, though. You shuddered and Daryl held you a bit tighter. “I didn’t want to go with him.” Even if he hadn’t hurt you, even if you weren’t scared of him, you wouldn’t have wanted to leave your family and Daryl.

“I shouldn’t have let you.”

“You couldn’t have stopped me. It was the only way I could think of keeping you all safe, of having a safe place…but it was for nothing.” It had been a trap anyway.

“You came to tell us so we could be ready,” Daryl replied. “You ended up like this doing that, he did this to you…”

“It was worthy.” You said without any doubt.

“I wish I could have kept you safe,” Daryl whispered. “I’m gonna keep you safe.”

You had no doubt believing it, you had never felt safer than curled up with him, wrapped in his arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is not the most action packed chapter, we are back to the slow fic, but we have some Daryl being Daryl, some conversations, some drama, and some cuddles and fluff…did you like it? What did you thought? Please, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts! 
> 
> Next week this fic comes to an end!
> 
> As always, English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistakes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter to bring this story to its end.. Will we get a happy ending?

They were all dead, monsters feasting on them, but you didn’t know how it had happened. You had heard the screams and had run as fast as you could to the clear in the woods just to find everyone else dead, overpowered by the monsters.

Maggie seemed to have died trying to protect Beth, half lying over her, but the girl was dead too, holding Hershel’s hand while walkers devoured them. Daryl was lying down next to them, another monster entertained with him.

You sobbed aloud, didn’t care if the walkers heard you. There was something familiar about them, though.

The one feasting on Daryl looked at you and you saw it was your husband, bleeding bullet hole in his head. He smiled to you and you could see blood and pieces of flesh falling down his mouth, but when you tried to close your eyes you couldn’t.

One by one the monsters began looking at you and all them were the men that had been with Dan. The one you had killed looked at you with his face full of Carol’s blood, your knife embedded deep into his head.

Your husband got up and began stumbling towards you, reaching you quickly. You almost welcomed his teeth and claws so you wouldn’t have to see your family dead, knowing you hadn’t done anything to help them…

You jostled awake, panting, heart beating fast, scared. A nightmare, just a nightmare…another one…

“It’s okay, you’re okay.”

You heard Daryl murmur as his arms wrapped tighter around you. You had once again fallen asleep sitting down with him while he kept watch. Around a week had passed since that horrible day but you still had nightmares night in night out.

Daryl always kept watch for the most part of the night so you always went with him, not looking forward to sleep and be haunted by nightmares, waking up alone as a sobbing, terrified mess. Most often than not, you ended up asleep curled up with him while he kept watch, warm and comforted, and when you woke up from a nightmare you always calmed down quick with him holding you.

You nodded, your breath evening, but you had to look around the clear in the woods where you had settled down for the night. Once you were sure everyone was alright, you snuggled against Daryl’s chest again.

“Where they walkers again?” He asked softly.

“Yeah…they had gotten here, killed all of you, they were eating you…” You couldn’t help but shiver again, but you smiled as you felt Daryl press a kiss to the top of your head.

“That ain’t happening.”

“I know.” It didn’t seem like the nightmares were going away, though.

You wiggled a bit, trying to get your aching muscles a bit more comfortable. Your ankle and wounds were better, but you were sore and tired. You all had been constantly moving from here to there during that week, barely managing to stay for a day in a place after clearing it from walkers before another herd made you leave. It was challenging and tiring, both physically and emotionally.

You all knew Lori was due at any moment, couldn’t be longer than two weeks by now. Her big belly and how the weather, whereas cold during the night, was milder now, were the only way to see the pass of time. You needed to find a place or else Lori could very well end up delivering while on the road…and how were you going to take care of a baby like that? Lori was scared, yet she never complained, did her best to hide it and keep going.

Rick was scared too and beyond stressed, which made him snap easily. You could see how his eyes reflected more and more despair as days passed and you couldn’t find a safe place to settle down.

All while your supplies kept getting lower and lower, Daryl coming back from his hunting trips empty-handed and angry at himself more often than not.

“You should go lie down, get some proper sleep.”

Daryl’s voice took you out of your gloomy thoughts. You shook your head, there was no way you were going to move away from his arms. You didn’t sleep better in any other place.

“Alright…there’s a couple hours still before the sunrise, try to sleep. It’s gonna be another long day.”

*

The day ended up being longer than any of you could have thought but in the best way.

Rick and Daryl had gone hunting and had come back with good news. They had found a place where you could settle down, with sturdy walls and fences. A prison. Problem was, you needed to clear the big amount of walkers that were in it, or at least part of them. It was dangerous, but you needed to do it.

That day you managed to clear the outer field, sleeping behind fences that night was a blessing. Next day, Rick’s plan to take over a cellblock worked too, managing to get also that cellblock’s field clear of walkers.

There was still a lot of work to do clearing the remaining walkers, but they were too many and so you had to do it little by little, starting with the ones that surrounded your cellblock and field, but that’d be work for another day. It was also a priority to find the infirmary for Lori and the kitchen for much-needed supplies.

That would wait until the next day, for now you were all beyond happy. It was like a dream. You were behind not only sturdy walls but also fences. You even had rooms…well, cells, but rooms nonetheless, with beds and all. Not to mention the perspective of having an infirmary and a kitchen with supplies.

You had been so elated that you had stopped Daryl to kiss his cheek, not caring everyone was around, when he walked past you as you all worked cleaning and tidying up the cellblock. He had blushed, turning all flustered and babbly, but he’d returned your smile.

You all hadn’t smiled that much in what felt like too long.

Despite all that, despite your happiness and relief at finally having found a safe place, that night you found yourself unable to sleep.

You tossed and turned in your bed. You couldn’t fall asleep, no matter the bed was surprisingly cozy and no matter how excited you’d been at the prospect of finally sleeping in a real one after all this time camping here and there.

You got up and walked to the door, you had chosen a cell from which you could see the perch on which Daryl had decided to settle for the night, saying he was sleeping in no cage, knowing that if you felt scared or anxious, seeing him close would help you calm down.

He had settled on there with his sleeping bag and seemed to be already asleep, it was unfair. You longed to snuggle with him but you weren’t sure about joining him.

You and Daryl…you two didn’t really go to sleep together. It was more like joining each other during watch shifts, cuddled together, and you falling asleep in his embrace.  After a moment of just standing in front of your cell, you decided to join him. Finally you’d gotten yourself a comfy bed and you were giving it up to go and sleep on the floor again, just so you could curl up with Daryl…you got it bad, a part of your brain told you, but you silenced it.

You tiptoed carefully around him, kneeling next to him in silence and slowly lying down next to him, careful not to wake him up. When you lied your head on his chest, though, he woke up with a start, sitting up as if startled, looking around for any threat and reaching out for the knife he kept next to him.

“Shit, woman,” he grumbled when he saw it was you, letting go of the knife. “Thought you were a walker or something.”

“I’m sorry…” You’d pulled back, startled at his reaction, and were looking down guiltily, biting your lip.

“Nah, I’m sorry.”

Daryl reached out to cup your face with his hand, making you look up to him again and stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. You couldn’t help but close your eyes and lean into his touch. When you opened them you found him smiling softly to you and you smiled back, biting your lip as your gaze dropped to his lips for a second. How you wished to kiss him, but you never acted on that impulse, afraid it’d scare him away from you.

“Come here.”

He lied down again, carefully pulling you with him. You threw your arm over him, contenting yourself with kissing his cheek instead of his lips, and you rested your head on his chest again, letting out a content sigh when he wrapped an arm around you, burying his fingers into your messy hair.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” You whispered.

“Didn’t scare me…”

“Yeah, sure.” You chuckled softly. “Walkers can’t get through the fences we closed, we made sure, and we’ve closed the doors too. Rick’s keeping watch. We’re safe.” You added softly.

Daryl said nothing, just kissed the top of your head before he began to tentatively ran his fingers through your hair, and soon you were asleep.

*

Turned out you had been wrong, you weren’t safe. First you had underestimated the threat of the walkers that roamed the corridors of the prison and when you went looking for the infimary and kitchen, you had found yourselves face to face with a herd. Daryl had kept you at his side all the time, but still you had been terrified, and that was nothing compared with how you felt when you saw that Hershel’d been bitten.

Rick had acted quick, cutting off the infected leg, and you’d been sure you were going to pass out, feeling light headed and finding it hard to breathe. Daryl’d been helping hold Hershel down during the process but he reached out for you, taking your hand and squeezing it, helping you ground down and fight your anxiety.

And then, when you had barely recovered, another shock hit your group as you found out the prison wasn’t deserted as you had thought and there were a group of inmates hiding there. There was no time to do anything about it as you all had to rush back to your cellblock in order to help Hershel.

After Carol did as much as he could for Hershel, who was unconscious still, Rick, Glenn, T-Dog, and Daryl went to negotiate with the inmates.

And so now you were anxiously waiting for them to come back after they had gone to help the inmates clear a cellblock for themselves, and also anxiously waiting for Hershel to wake up. He did before the others were back, and even though you were beyond grateful he seemed to be out of danger, you couldn’t help the worry that twisted your stomach as you wondered if Daryl and the others were okay.

When they came back you rushed to Daryl, barely stopping yourself from throwing your arms around his neck in front of everyone. When he reached out to take your hand and lace your fingers, though, you wondered if he’d have minded it.

“Everything was okay?”

“Could have been worse…”

“What happened?”

He told you how two of the five inmates had died, maybe three, one put down by his own friend after been bitten and another killed by Rick after he tried to murder him. Another prisoner had tried it too, but Rick had thrown him out to the walkers of the yard.

A shiver ran through you and Daryl tugged at your hand to pull you closer, kissing your forehead before wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“Come on, let’s go see Hershel, heard he’s awake.”

“Yeah, he’ll pull through.”

“He’s tough.”

*

That night you couldn’t sleep and you’d decided you’d join Daryl on the perch as soon as you heard him coming back from his watch shift. You had been with him for a while but he had sent you to bed, noticing you were tired. Still, you couldn’t sleep.

You heard footsteps climbing up the stairs but they didn’t stop at the perch, instead making their way to your cell and soon you saw Daryl’s standing at the door.

“Hey,” you greeted when he didn’t say anything.

“Hey…can I…” He trailed off without finishing his question but you thought you understood.

“Yeah.”

Daryl walked into your cell and your heart began beating faster at the idea of him joining you in bed. Carefully, he curled up next to you, throwing an arm over your waist and resting his head on your chest. You were surprised, you hadn’t expected him to cuddle to you like that, but you were melting at it, warmth spreading through you.

“Is this okay?” Daryl asked quietly, sounding unsure, and you wondered if he could hear how fast your heart was beating.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s perfect.” You rushed to assure him, wrapping your arms around him afraid he’d pull away. He didn’t, snuggling to you as he felt your arms hold him to you. “You okay?”

“Just tired.”

You kissed the top of his head and began playing with his hair as you contemplated admitting your feelings to him for once and for all. You wanted to but it scared you, afraid it might drive him away from you, from whatever was this thing you two had. You wanted to come clean with him, though, and so you gathered your courage.

“Daryl…” You whispered and he hummed sleepily. “Daryl, I gotta tell you something.”

He lifted his head from your chest at that to look at you, seeming a bit worried.

“What?”

“I…em…” You didn’t know why it was so hard or why it made you feel so embarrassed. “I like you.”

Daryl raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“And I like you too.” He said, making your stomach do funny twirls, before snuggling to you again, his face hidden in the crook of your neck, his breathe forming goosebumps on your skin as he whispered, “I thought it was clear.”

“No, but I mean…” You began again, trying to fight your awkwardness and shyness. “I mean that I really, really like you…like in I love you.”

He looked up again at that, pulling back so he could look at you but you had turned your face to the side, unable to meet his eyes.

“Yeah?”

You nodded but couldn’t look at him.

“I love you too,” he said quietly, barely above a whisper.

You looked at him at that, the butterflies in your stomach out of control, feeling like your chest couldn’t hold your heart no more. It was Daryl’s turn to avert his eyes, seeming shy too, a lovely, crooked smile on his face. In the dark, you could see the blush that spread through his cheeks and you reached out to softly brush your fingers over it before cupping his face.

“That means I can kiss you?” You whispered.

Daryl looked at you for a second before he leaned down, bringing his lips to yours for a tentative, sweet kiss. You smiled into the kiss, the butterflies in your belly going crazy,

When he pulled back his smile mirrored your blissed-out yet shy one. He kissed your lips again softly before snuggling to you, hiding his face on the crook of your neck again. You smiled, feeling like your heart was going to burst out of your chest, and you wrapped your arms around him to hold him close, feeling him nuzzle into your neck and press a kiss to your collarbone before resting his head on your chest again, closing his eyes with a content sigh.

“Goodnight, Daryl.”

You kissed the top of his head and whispered into his hair, closing your eyes.You could have spent the whole night kissing him but you weren’t going to push him. You were happy to take whatever he wanted to give you and to follow his pace.

You didn’t remember the last time you had felt this happy. You had a family that cared for you. You had a home with safe walls, though it didn’t felt half as safe as Daryl’s arms. And you had him. Daryl loved you, you didn’t doubt it, he really did. You felt so giddy you could barely sleep. He’d protect you from anything, you knew, and you’d protect him too. You felt safe with him, and he made you feel strong and capable too, there was nothing you two couldn’t face if you were together. You were sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And…the end! Of course we’d get a happy one! I’m sorry if the end feels a bit abrupt, though. I wanted to finish it here, when they are happy, when nothing too bad had happened to them in their new home…yet, you know what I mean? I could have keep writing this two forever, though. Why last chapters always feel this bittersweer? I’m happy we’re closing this story but I’ll miss the characters…
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this finally chapter, I hope it didn’t dissappoint, I hope you enjoyed the series. Let me know what you think if you have time! As always, English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistakes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you have time, please drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts! It’s really exciting to have a new series going, but I’m also a bit nervous about this one.


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